Happy Thanksgiving!!

I've been busy in the kitchen preparing a somewhat non-traditional Thanksgiving meal. Later this evening my parents are coming over for a meal full of awkward silences and some idle chit chat between my mom, Eric and myself as my dad doesn't really say much and will be busy eating. I need to make sure there is plenty of food on the table to keep us all busy.

Since it's a beautiful day today and my dad thinks that all turkey is dry turkey, I am grilling up some ribeye steaks. Hopefully the propane tank won't run out and I won't char or overcook them (I tend to do that when I get nervous). Funny how I can cook in a restaurant kitchen in the middle of a dinner rush without the nerves, but as soon as I get home and am cooking for a few friends and family, I forget where my head is. I put way too much pressure on myself to impress and to express that whole food = love thing (yes I reference that a lot in this blog, but hey it's the phrase of my life).

I'm also making some dinner rolls, pumpkin pies, roasted delecata squash, sauteed mushrooms garlic and shallots for the steaks and a household favorite of brussel sprouts. Eric has also requested a salad so I'll figure that out at some point in the next hour. My mom is bringing a dish of scalloped potatoes to make sure we have enough starch and cream in the meal, because it was looking a little too healthy to be a proper Thanksgiving meal!

I hope everyone is enjoying a special time with their families today (even if you aren't celebrating the US Holiday), it's still important to be thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving all!

Thankful for Kitties

Today my kitties went in for a teeth cleaning. Some people may think that having a cat's teeth cleaned sounds silly, but I'm one of those pet owners that take their care pretty seriously. Sadly I didn't take their dental health seriously enough because my little baby Mousie (that's one of the boy's name), had to have 2 teeth DRILLED out today. He had some pretty bad cavities and since he was already sedated for the deep cleaning, the vet extracted the two teeth with the cavities.

If you're wondering why they were drilled out, its because a cat's mandible is weak at the point where those two teeth are (right behind the canines), so our vet chooses to essentially break the tooth instead of risking breaking their jaw. Umm.. OWWW!

I was dreading this appointment because I knew Mousie is prone to bad tartar build-up and I was pretty concerned about the sedation. I'm currently pretty hyper sensitive to the thought of death right now, so the vet was really kind and took the time to call me as they were coming out of sedation to give me the low down on how things went. I must say I LOVE our vet because he never rushes a fur parent and will tell you as much or as little information as you want, I want it all so we chat a long time and he never makes me feel like I'm taking too much of his time.

So now I have 2 kitties at home, both a little not themselves. Mousie (the one that had the 2 teeth extracted) is a little high on pain drugs, staring off into space with his tongue sticking out because the pain drug is absorbed locally AND makes him high. Cosmo is still just a little scared and jumpy while being really sleepy, but mostly that's just how he is.

This holiday weekend I will get to spend some good cuddling time with my boys trying to make up this day to them and some fun wrestling time with them to get them to take their antibiotics and pain meds, and introducing the wonderful world of CAT TOOTHBRUSHING!! Good times! We'll see how it all goes. At least the cuddling will be nice.

I figured since lots of folks write about their kids, I wouldn't feel at all silly writing about mine....even though they are covered in fur and poop in a box of sand. Don't you wish your kids did that?

Oh... and apparently the fact that I've been feeding them bits of ham is effecting them. Cosmo's cholesterol levels were elevated at 244. I guess he needs to eat more oatmeal and veggies and no more tasty meat treats!

Pie Luck Contest

As an annual fun thing to do at work, every year during the week of Thanksgiving we have a Pie Luck Contest. That is, a Pie making contest. Last year I had every intention of entering but I simply ran out of time. This year, I was asked to judge but I declined because I really wanted to have a go at it.

Taking inspiration from last year's winner I decided to enter one chocolaty super sweet concoction which I wouldn't eat by choice.. just too much sweet richness, which came out as a Peanut Butter Cup Cream Cheese Pie. And the other entry was my signature Caramel Apple Tart (yes I realize that it's a pie contest and not a tart contest, but I saw tarts in there last year so I'm calling it legal!). I went with 2 entries because I wanted to enter one that showcased something I like and then something "they" like.

This year we didn't have nearly the turn out we did last year. Last year we had up words of 40 pies entered. Many people had multiple entrees, and they spanned the gamut from way chocolaty sweet to almost savory, many varieties of pumpkin and nut pies, and even a few ice cream pies which didn't hold up well for the judging. This year we only had 14 entries and 2 of them were my own, and another 2 were my teammates, so I was a little uncomfortable having entered twice. I mean, 2 out of 40.... wouldn't even get noticed, but 2 out of 14? NOTICED!

Well.... after much sugar ingesting, and watching the judges circle the table of pie slices (which had no names or descriptions on them), they announced the winner of the 3 categories.

• Best Looking
• Best Overall
• Least Overall (a nicer way of saying worst)

Let's just say that I'm feeling pretty embarrassed to walk away with the 2 cash prizes. The Peanut Butter Cup sugary goodness won best looking, and the Caramel Apple Tart won best overall. That was totally not my intention. REALLY!


Much thanks to J,Py and Maya for giving me some great feedback on the first trail of the Peanut Butter Cup pie.

** apologies on the lack of photo quality. I didn't have much time to fiddle with lighting and focus and such, since I was also on the committee to set up the whole deal and slice up all of the pies for judging.

The Four MeMe

J over at Thinking About... tagged me for this one, and even though I posted a MeMe this weekend and I have some thoughts about content for today, I shall go forth with the MeMe as I am super slammed today!

MeMe Hoooo!

4 words to describe my response to this meme:
Resigned - to doing a MeMe

Relieved - to do a MeMe

Reminiscent - thinking about stuff for the MeMe

Reeling - to think about witty things to say about myself, for the MeMe

4 jobs I’ve had: (These are some of the more interesting ones, nothing like I do now)
burger flipper and drive through chick (the high school job, turned college job at a family run burger joint)

Barista (managed a little independent coffee house until the owner had a mid-life crisis)

Kitchen and Bar manager (before I was 21 I as meeting with micro-brewries and deciding if I wanted to pimp their brew, it was SWEET!)

Seal care taker (fed, medicated, cleaned and did rescue/release)

4 movies I’ll watch over and over:
The Wedding Singer
When Harry Met Sally
Star Wars
Tron

4 places I’ve lived: This is sad. All of the cities I've lived in have shared borders.
Concord, CA (2002 - 1994)
Pleasant Hill, CA (1998 - 2002)
Walnut Creek, CA (1997 - 1998)
Pleasant Hill, CA (1974 - 1997)

4 shows I watch:
Heroes
Grey's Anatomy
Biggest Looser
Little People Big World

4 foods I love: Do you see the pattern?
Whipped Cream
Creme Brulee
Ice Cream
Cream Cheese

4 places I’ve been:
Hawaii
Mexico
Victoria, BC Canada
Somerset, PA

4 websites I go to daily:
Google Reader
Yahoo! Mail
My Google Page
511.org (traffic reports)

4 places I might rather be:
Hawaii - on my honeymoon
in my Kitchen - Baking
Victoria - visiting my brother
Italy - because it's there and I want to be there with it

Impress your girlfriend and win the UK Lottery!

Is it just me or is SPAM getting worse?

I have used Yahoo! mail for over 9 years now (really, only 9 years?), and through much of the beginning of the rise of spam, the filters they used were great and I never really had to deal with the drivel which comes along with Internet mail. However, over the last few months it has gotten increasingly worse.

Oh sure, the majority of the spam is caught by their filters and it lands in my spam folder which I occasionally scan for mail which ended up there by mistake. However lately I mark at least 20-30 mail entries as spam a day. I'd think that by marking it spam, that I am "helping" teach the filters, but I'm starting to doubt that more and more. Now granted, the spammers of the world are getting more and more savvy but come on now! If spam can't get through to my work email inbox, then it shouldn't get through to my Internet account either.

Hmm... perhaps since I work at a company which our main money maker is a spam blocker, that should shed some light as to why I don't get any at work. Clearly Yahoo! Mail needs to buy our product!

So tell me... is it just me?

The Name Meme

It is 11:30pm and I gotta get a post out before midnight. Sadly I don't have time to put together a really well thought out post, so that means its MeMe time!

Since I'm just getting home from hanging out at my friend and blog buddy, Autumn's Mom's, house warming party, I shall do a MeMe I grabbed from her (who grabbed it from Ms. Mamma). I actually filled this one out a few weeks ago but was saving it for NaBloPoMo for when I needed something personal but quick. So here you go!

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & first car) - Yoda Tercel

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)- Butter Pecan Shortbread

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name) - C Bee

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal) - Blue Panda

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first) - Beech

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink) - The Green Mojito

7. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers) - This is the saddest thing to say, but I don't know either of my grandfather's names!

8. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter) - Loften London

9. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, favorite flower)- Summer Hydrangea

10. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”) - Passion Tanky (I don't know what kind of Cartoons you watch, but that doesn't jive with me!)

11. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)- Yogurt Japanese Maple

12. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”) - The Internet Surfing Lightning Tour

13. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) - Rebecca Concord

14. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ) Leola... Just Leola (my father doesn't have a middle name)

Willy Nilly

My brain is all over the place today and I can't seem to focus on any one thing. I keep bouncing from work stuffs to pie baking to holiday cookie baking to Christmas shopping to remembering that NEXT week is Thanksgiving! Both Eric and I are a little scattered right now, and both had forgotten that Thanksgiving is next week. I suppose I should talk to my parents about plans. Hmm.

So I'm going to go back to my willy nilly thought paths and wish you all a happy weekend!

DUCK!

I have a current food obsession, and it's not really a healthy one but I can't seem to get enough. I'm in love with a Thai Duck Salad at a Thai place by my work. I had it for both lunch and dinner one day a few weeks ago, and I think I've had it at least once a week since then. And I'm incredibly possessive over it. I realize that I'm raving about it, but I don't offer a bite to anyone. I feel a little guilty.... but not enough to share a single bite!

First off I LOVE duck. LOVE IT! Sure, sometimes it gets too rich or fatty, but this restaurant cooks it so well. And then in the salad, they pair it with lettuce, but not as much as you'd think of a salad, just enough to cool things off and add a crunch. There are so many flavorful little additions in it that give it so much character and texture like cucumber, mint, Thai basil, carrot, tomatoes, cabbage, red onion, green onion, CHILIES and a sweet and spicy vinegar sauce. Even though it's called a salad, I put it over rice because it's not quite enough to fill me up and that sauce shouldn't be lost and the rice helps to save it!

So here it is!


BTW - My co-workers just couldn't get why I'd be taking a picture of my food. Apparently me saying, "It's for the blog!", doesn't mean anything to them. They have no idea!

WHY? WHY must the Earth tilt away from the Sun? Oh WHY?

Although tis the season and all, I have a few beefs with this time of year. Even though it isn't exactly cold here yet, the days are definitely shorter. I'm also WAY busy at work right now so it isn't a shocker that I will go days without seeing the sun without it being through a window. This produces a few bad side effects:

1. Late Work Hours. I end up staying at work WAY later then I intend because once the sun has gone down I loose track of time. Let's just say that Eric doesn't even call to check in on me anymore when its 10pm and he still hasn't heard from me. Don't worry, he knew that November was going to be like this. I also saw an opportunity to go home "early" last night (6pm) and even though I was asked to stay late I didn't. I missed my lovely! We even planned this big healthy meal but by the time I drove into town I was too hungry and tired and getting my crank on, so I stopped at Panda Express. Mmmm Orange Chicken!

2. Seasonal Depression. Oh sure, you could say that I get all cranky because of the way too much work to be done at this time of year which was planned by the powers that be, or it could be just the general stress this season brings or we could say that not getting enough sunshine in your day will lead to the blues. Whatever it is, I get this weird manic mood thing happening this time of year. I'm way cranky, and then belly laughing, and then crying, and then all warm and fuzzy and want to hug everyone around me. I suppose that's not depression but its weird!

3. Vitamin D production and Bone thinning. OK, this may be a stretch here because I do have a big south facing window in my cube which I have drawn the shades on because the sun is too bright and throws a glare on my monitor, but I don't get out much as it is and I'm not exercising since I'm at my desk while the sun is up and I don't much like to go for walks or runs when I get home so late, even though Eric says he'll go with me, because I find it way too creepy that's when the creepy people come out (which I know the creepy people don't exclusively come out at night but that's how it works in my mind so just go with it OK?). I could start utilizing that gym I've mentioned the office has provided which is on the same floor as I am, along with showers so I don't really have a good excuse except that it takes time and I'd much rather go to lunch and socialize, which I do occasionally walk to so there goes my thoughts that I'm not doing any weight baring exercises or getting my 15 minutes of sun a day for adequate Vitamin D production. But still.... its not consistent enough and I need to do more weight baring exercises as Osteoporosis runs in the family (on both Eric and my sides so our kids are going to be screwed!). Besides.. .Oprah's Dr. Oz said so!


Another bad side effect... RUN ON SENTENCES!!! Yes I realize this post was full of them, but I just couldn't stop the flow of the poorly constructed thoughts and sentence structures. They just kept coming. Hell, I don't even remember what my point was that I was trying to make here, but let it be known.... I need my longer daylight filled days back (and this work project to be done wouldn't hurt none either).

Music Memory Triggers

I have been rather emotional and nostalgic over the last week or so. Having to face the reality of death with the passing of a friend and the back burner thoughts of having to put down a pet someday, reminds me of how I used to fear falling in love when death might take them away. I would think, 'What's the point?'. I was just a kid when these fears entered my mind, and I suppose they still have a hold somewhere in there.

As my husband said about facing the death of someone we know:

It's shocking. It pops our bubble of believing that we and those we know will just keep on living indefinitely. This whole consciousness thing is strange, knowing that we're all gonna die.

I'm guessing these feelings are what is drawing me to listen to music from "back in the day". Mainly 80's and early 90's love songs fill my play list. Tonight, I threw in a lot of Air Supply, Chicago, Christopher Cross (oh yes, you know you don't want to love him but you do!), Genesis & Phil Collins. I have found that I am playing certain songs over and over again, and I feel myself getting more and more emotional with each song. These were the artists I listened to, danced to and cried to, even though I was far too young to know really what they were singing about.

I guess that some memory or tragedy in my life is being triggered although I don't know what it is. It must be something that happened to me as a kid, since I remember crying to these songs even back then. My therapist says that when we are dealing with an emotion that small memory triggers may elicit stronger then normal responses as those "gates" are open. There are so many events in our lives that we gloss over and don't "process" to truly get passed them. I know I hold many of these types of feelings back there in the safety of memories I have blocked out. Part of me is finding comfort in these songs and feeling the emotions, and part of me is feeling stuck and wants to continue to gloss over.

Perhaps now would be a good time to call that therapist. I haven't spoken to her since before my surgery. But really... it's so much easier to not.

I'm sorry for all of the morbid posts. I'm not really feeling all that down, just sort of coming to terms with things I guess.

Scar Management

I have that kind of skin that scars. I get a scratch, I scar. I stupidly pick at a zit, I scar. I gain some weight and the stretch marks remind me of it for decades later. And since I was a kid who fearlessly played, I often had scraps and bruises, and therefore still have scars from my little tumbles. I still have the mark that helps me remember the day I scraped up my knee on the tan bark at our church's little playground as I ran and dove to jump on the tire swing in my little pink dress and dragged my knees along the ground.

So, I'm not at all surprised that my surgery incision ain't so pretty. Besides having scar tissue internally that makes the area puffy and move funny, the actual incision is still painful, discolored, jagged and raised.

I tried using the VERY expensive Mederma gel but it gave me such an itch that felt like it was coming from inside where I could never get at it. I decided the discomfort just wasn't worth it.

Then I started using just Vitamin E oil while doing scar massage to help break up the tissue. I've read this technique can takes months to know if its working, but might as well try. At least the skin will be soft!

All along I had read about plastic surgeons recommending Silicon Gel Sheets to help both Hypertrophic and Keloid scars. My scar has both types of scar tissue, so even though I was hesitant to spend anymore money on something hardly anyone but myself, my husband and my doctors might ever see, I went ahead and ordered some. Most reports say the biggest changes will be noticed in the 3rd month, so I still have a while to wait to see if this treatment is worth it.

I know there are a number of people out there who have had surgeries, so I'm curious if you have tried any of theses techniques or products, or have any suggestions. I'm sure a number of you have also have "this type" of surgery or a c-section so you may be able to shed some light on how long it really takes to heal. The numb parts and the painful parts are one thing, but this scar is really bugging me.

Thanks!

When is it too much?

My sister-in-law and her husband have been battling with some really tough decisions about the "next steps" in the care of their aging Bichon Frise dogs. The pups are eleven years old and have been the family's boys since they were just a few weeks old. Each dog's health has been failing in different ways and they require quite a bit of medication and attention. They also have 2 girls (of the human kind) ages 7 and 2, who of course need plenty of attention too.

They have been taking these pups to a great veterinarian who is up to date on all sorts of fancy procedures. When one pup got cataracts he referred them to an animal eye specialist. When the other was no longer able to control his hind legs, they referred them to an animal ortho specialist to do an MRI and possible surgery on his spine.

This past year, my parent's have been dealing with their own vet issues. They have one cat who was a stray that is in end renal failure who requires injections every other day and she takes him to the vet for most of them at $12 plus the cost of the fluid each time. I do it when I can, but it has been 2 years now and I basically only do it when the vet is closed. They also lost the last 2 cats I had when I lived there, one was also in end renal failure but wouldn't allow us to inject him and the other had her own issues and had gone blind. They were both at least 17 years old and I begged them to put the 2 they lost down, but my father just couldn't do it (at least that is what my mother said). I think neither of them had the strength to do it, and I had already lost my connection with them so it was easier for me to suggest. Both of them died within a month of each other, but the stray gets stronger and stronger (and meaner and meaner) each time I see him.

With all of these decisions being talked about it got Eric and I talking about how much would we do for out boys (of the feline persuasion). Eric says he has a hard time stomaching the thought of spending money on pets but knows that I would go to much further means to care for my boys (I've had them since they were 6 weeks old). They are now 10 years old and have been my companions and babies through some tough times. Thankfully (knock on LOTS OF WOOD) they are in good health.

I don't know how I would make the decisions my Sister-in-Law and her husband have been having to make. How can you put a price tag on the life of a family member, but at the same time keeping a level head that they are pets. It is legal to euthanize an animal and in some cases this seems more humane. You can't explain to your pet why you have decided to put them under the knife and why they are enduring the pain of recovery and that yes someday it will improve their quality of life... maybe.

When it comes down to it, I hope I will be able to reasonably judge whether or not an expensive surgery will improve their quality of life or will extend their life and make it better, not just extend their suffering because I can't do what may be more humane. Who can say if 6-12 more good months is worth the money or if a 50/50 chance of a surgery's success is worth it. You'd never think twice if it was your child, right?

Have you every been faced with such a decision? If so, what did you do? If not, what would you do?

We've got spirit! Yes we do! ....

Eric and I just got back from a high school football game (the LONGEST game ever!). One of our friends is a teacher at the school and her and her husband invited us to drive up to join them. Eric has been asking to go to a high school game for a number of years as he always enjoyed his high school and college games. I don't think he really watched the game much, but to him it was a big social party.

Even though we didn't know the name of the school we were at (out of my school's division), we had a blast. The game took 3 hours and it was tight for a few quarters. Both teams were undefeated so it made for a pretty exciting game. It was fun to watch the parents and the "spirit squad" and all of the little school traditions. By the 4th quarter we were all cheering and clapping along with the girls and really getting into the game. I didn't grow up with football so I'm still very much learning the game and it was pretty darn fun to actually WATCH the game and get all caught up in it.

I was a little bummed that they didn't have a band to play all of those little songs, but they did play recordings of bands playing those little songs. You know those songs. All of the exact same songs I played in the stands many years ago or performed to on the field (Flag girl here!). I found it quite amusing that the songs haven't changed much. My high school no longer has a marching band as my director retired and they got all artsy and only focus on symphonic music and theory and stuff (they really are quite good, but I was very sad to hear the tradition of the Marching Band was over).

Eric had a great time and this game has only wet his whistle for some football fun. He's now talking about getting us to a Wisconsin game (his Alma mater). I told him maybe if they come to California (which they won't), because me and cold don't go well together! Ok, maybe I'll go visit Wisconsin in the fall one of these years. It's not too cold in the fall there is it? Mind you I think low 60's is COooooold!

Let's Go Badgers! Let's Go!

Co-workers and Friends

I got some very sad news this morning that a woman I worked with previously passed away yesterday morning. It was found that she had cancer only a few short months ago. The word spread farly quickly because we were a pretty tight group. We will meet at an open house in a few weeks to think of our friend and to be thankful for each other.

This news of course makes me grateful for mine and my family's health, but it also has made me realize how lucky I have been to work with the people I have found through my jobs. I have developed my closest and most lasting friendships though work. I have also grown my career thanks to these friends as we have developed a network of knowledge and opportunities.

Tonight, please hug each other a little tighter.

LOOK OUT! Crazy lady coming through!

Have you ever felt like you were having a crazy day?
Not just a day that seemed out of control, but more that YOU felt out of control?

That's me today.
It's only 10:15am and I'm already wondering if I am PMS-ing and looking at the calendar which shows me that there is no way this is PMS. I'm just going insane.

So far I have been rude on a call for work, I have been rude to multiple people, including my boss on IM, and I have had to stop myself from freaking out about some little work things before I had the whole story (THANK GOODNESS that I stopped to get the whole story before I went running to yell at someone, because today I'd actually yell instead of handling things in my normal calm and very professional manner.)

I honestly feel like I'm on speed or something.

It seemed to start this morning when I was driving to work and traffic was flowing nicely, and then some guy cut me off and then flipped me off... HARD! shaking his hand, like he really wanted to make sure I saw him. When he was behind me, I think I had slowed down a touch (you know to maybe 70 mph) as he had something hanging out his passenger window and I was looking in my mirror to try to see what it was via the lights of the person behind him since it was still dark out. Then suddenly he flew over 4 lanes and then back over within a few feet of me to flip me off. I immediately began replaying the previous few minutes in my mind to find out how I had pissed off Mr. AgroMan. Within moments he did the same thing to the person in front of him and then slammed on his breaks (I guess trying to make some sort of point). Thankfully his stupidness didn't cause an accident, but I watched this guy continue to be stupid for at least another 15-20 miles (mind you he never got far away from me because he kept flying all over the freeway, but I finally lost him at the bridge toll plaza).

Since that initial flipping off, I have been on edge a little. And then one little thing happened at work (aka a phone dying on me while on a conference call) and the crank has taken over.

I've eaten so that's not it.
I slept pretty well last night, so I've ruled out sleep deprivation.
I didn't end up exercising last night, so I'm thankful I have a yoga class at noon today.
But for the sake of my co-workers, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Maybe a visit to our prayer/meditation room would be a good thing too. Although just slowing down to type out this post has helped too.

So thank you my dear bloggy friends. You have no idea how much you just saved me today!

Another late night at the office

If you were to check a traffic website which estimated your drive to take 2 hours with the current levels of traffic and you didn't really HAVE to be home at any given time, would you:

A: Get on the road and just sit in the traffic hoping that the traffic website was all wrong?
B: Wait and hope it'll lighten up soon, so that you don't have to waste all of that gas and aggravate your nerves, and spend some quality time with the Internet?
C: Hunker down for a really late night at the office and get all of those little nagging tasks done and maybe even get a good chunk of a big nasty project done, while eating whatever snacks you have stocked your cube with, with the hopes that traffic will totally go away before you start nodding off?

So yea, I'm bitching about my commute YET AGAIN! It's after 7pm and our local traffic website is all full of red and black lines on my route home. Even my alternate routes, which are way out of the way, are really gross looking. There are a ton of accidents because people just can't NOT run into each other (you aren't driving bumper cars people!) and CalTrans, the California Transportation Agency, has somehow come into lots and lots of money or they are trying to dry up their budgets before the end of the year because they have suddenly decided to resurface ALL of the freeways up here simultaneously. BRILLIANT!

Even though I have been wanting to stop this blog from being a bitch fest (yes I realize the majority of my posts are complaining about something or another), it just seems like the negativity keeps rising to the surface at about the time I have a touch of time to write a post. I do hope I can stop bitching. I really don't like to be thought of as a bitchy person.

Ommmmm. Ommmmmm.

Oh! Sweet! I just realized that I have workout clothes here AND our office recently turned a conference room into a gym. I forgot my iPod though, so I'll just have to workout with my thoughts. Maybe I'll step my way through the negativity.

Gifting

The decorations are up and the sales have begun, but I'm not a big gift giver and I still am drawn to the urge of getting out there with everyone else. I am not a big nick knacker and try to only give a gift because I have found something that speaks to me that this person must have or I like to give something I know they would use. Sometimes this happens around a holiday or a birthday, and sometimes it happens randomly.

I started baking for Christmas gifts when I was a kid and over the years, these cookie gifts became actually more expensive then buying store bought gifts but I felt like I was giving a part of myself to my friends and family and could more accurately express my emotions through my cooking. After all food = love!

Well, not everyone sees these cookies as a gift. They've almost become expected. I realize that everyone has different gifting views and traditions so it's difficult for me when I want to give in a non-traditional way.

So last year I started knitting and had planned out all of these gifts I was going to make over the next year. It's now November and I haven't finished a single one. I feel both an internal and external pressure to be able to give a gift which isn't gone in a few bites and can be wrapped in paper and put under a tree. But I don't want to become that aunt or grandma who gives those gifts that she thinks are GREAT but aren't really received well. I was one of those kids who totally didn't appreciate the time and effort put into a handmade gift, so I don't expect much more, so should I bother?

This is a really tender spot for me because I want to please people and to make them happy, and frankly I want to be loved and accepted. I realize a gift does not make or break the love but there is still this psychological thing in there that makes me want to throw aside my values to please others. I don't know if I am projecting or if the number of gifts and how big they are is really as important as it seems but it sure feels like it.

Bite Guards are so hot!

Over the last few weeks I have been struggling with clinching my teeth at night. So after a few nights of being woken up by the pain, I finally called my dentist. He didn't note any real damage to the enamel but he went ahead and took impressions for a bite guard to be made.

A week later the guard came back from the lab and we popped it in there to see how it fit. OWWWW!!!

Now this thing is hard plastic made to "click in" on the top teeth. Well it didn't click... it crunched and I squealed. He said he's never heard one of these make so much noise and he was startled by the noise I made because in the 30 years I've been going to him, I hardly ever complained of pain. After 30 minutes of him putting it in, me pointing out what hurt and then him grinding down spots he said to try it for the weekend and then come back on Monday AM to make any additional adjustments.

That night I clicked it in, Eric proceeded to tease me, and I went to sleep. I woke up sometime in the middle of the night to memories of braces as my gums were swollen, at least one tooth had moved so I couldn't bite fully for half a day and the insides of my lips and cheeks were swollen & sore. That thing was taken out and did not return to my mouth until this morning in the chair.

I asked him... "What's the deal with sending me home with a torture device?"

More adjustments were made and hopefully tonight it won't hurt so much and will keep me aware of my clinching so I will stop. I'm getting pretty tired of soft foods! And um.... that bite guard so doesn't bring on the sexy! Especially the drooling part.

Lazy Sunday

If you've been following this blog you'll know that I had a surgery a few months ago, and since then I get tired easily. I have been totally giving into this and have been telling myself that I am listening to my body and allowing myself to take it easy and to be nice to myself. Well I've gotten rather bored of this, and also know that if I don't push myself a little, that I will never return to the energetic life that I enjoy AND will not get back in shape. In other words, I have been leaning on this recovery period to get even lazier!

When I went back to work, I was exhausted after a day of work in the office, so I started working 2 days from home. Then I was able to only work 1 day from home and was doing ok, but even then I was still sleeping a ton on the weekend to "catch up".

But this week I had 2 parties to go to both of which kept me out until the AM. It felt so great to be out of the house and to be social. But today I am pooped! Completely pooped! My face and eyes actually hurt. I feel like I have a hangover but without the alcohol consumption. Had I known I was going to be hungover the next day, I might as well of had a drink or two!

Thankfully we had very light plans today, because not much was accomplished. We woke up after noon and went to the grocery. It's now almost 7:30pm and I still haven't put all of the groceries away because that would require me to clean out the fridge (which hasn't been done for quite a while). I bought ingredients to make little pecan tassies (little pecan pie like cookies) to take to the office tomorrow, but they never got made. I bought the makings of a fancy-ish dinner.... but I sat on the couch and ate Halloween candy and snap peas (great combo huh?), so I'm not hungry now, which means Eric is fending for himself.

I realize that the clocks were changed so it may seem really early, but I'm going to bed soon anyway.

It's days like these when it's nice to not have too many responsibilities!

Zombie Prom 2007

Tonight we are going to an after-Halloween Halloween party. Our host and hostess have an annual party and due to some scheduling issues, they couldn't do this last week like most folks.... so we got to tear through the clearance bins to find some deals today to try to put together some costumes to go with the theme of '80's Zombie Prom'!!!!

So far we have some nice pieces from Goodwill which includes a lovely black velvet and iridescent teal taffeta number for me, and for Eric we found a red and black hounds tooth jacket with a sweet black velvet collar (you know you want one too!).

We just got back from a few drug stores which had clearance bins of their leftover Halloween CRAP, and we found a few little makeup kits and I got a can of Aqua Net which is totally required for the 80's hair. Hopefully my recent perm will help out!

Wish us luck.... we're off to put on our costumes and then .... rip them up and pour blood on them.


*Due to time constraints (supposed to be at this party in an hour), I'll add pictures to this post tomorrow.
**Sunday AM update -- I forgot our camera!!! But some friends got a few shots of us, so I'm waiting for them to send them to me. Stay tuned.
As a teaser... let's just say I had completely forgotten the power of Aqua Net, a curling iron and a lot of back combing.
***Sunday PM update -- Ok... ok... here's a little cut and paste work from a group shot I found on facebook. My hair was never that fantastic in the 80's!

Day 2 and I almost didn't make it

Here it is, Day 2 of NaBloPoMo and there is only an hour left in the day.... but I made it!

Last night my company had a most excellent party at the Exploritorium in San Francisco. Granted yes, it was held on a Thursday, it still totally rocked. Last year's party was very fun as well, but this year's party .... well, let's just say that this year I didn't hesitate visiting the open bar, I ate a lot of great food including the best Risotto I've EVER had, danced to a really good DJ and a really bad Neil Diamond cover band (they were great as far as Neil Diamond bands go, but it was more the fact that it WAS a Neil Diamond cover band which made it bad), took some cute photo booth pictures with my husband, played with a lot of science experiementy thingys, and laughed with some of the best people I've ever worked with.

The party was officially over at 11pm, and we left to head back over the bridge. We took along one of my co-workers who decided that public transportation to the other side of the Bay would be fun which would take her 2 hours plus a lot of stress to make it back home. Once we dropped her off, I asked Eric if he would mind if we went back to the city to hang out with the kids who were continuing the party at a nearby bar. By nearby I mean it was nearby to where the original party was... you know, back in San Francisco... not in Oakland which is where we were as I asked this (lets just say this is a good 30 miles away plus bridge toll). Being the wonderful husband that he is, he said he'd take me back and let me hang out with the cool kids to try to up my social status at the office. This office where I have felt to be a very awkward pre-teen amongst all of the really cool seniors, and have been trying to get my break into the inner circle since I got there.

We found the gang at their 2nd after party bar, and continued to move with them to 2 more bars until closing time and then onto a pizza place for some drunken pizza eating (we were completely sober by this point... well Eric and I were at least). By the time we got home from our 2nd venture into the city, it was 3:30am. Good thing I had planned ahead and took the following day off! Even though I'm very tired now, I'm really glad we went back to do a little bar hoping because of that whole not getting out to do much factor, and even though my co-workers may not all remember that I came back based on the state we found them, Eric and I had a great time.

When I got home I did contemplate logging on to write my day 2 post since it was technically the 2nd day already, but I figured I had time.

Of course, I had already filled up my day off with plans of sleeping, a dentist appointment and a whole lot of hanging out with my good friend Liz on her last day of maternity leave, so this is why I am just now finally sitting down to write this post, now with only 1 hour to spare. I really can't be doing this kind of thing every night, so I had better figure out a better system and schedule. Oh and don't worry. Not all of my posts will be of the 'what I did last summer' (or last night) types of posts. I'm sure something more insightful will this way come because that's just how the randomness of my brain works.

Cheers! (with water of course!)

NaBloPoMo 2007 Begins!

That's right folks today is Day #1 of a month of posts, and yes, I'm even shamelessly using this really cheap post on the very first day. I just loved this badge and had to do a little posty post just for it.

Mew!

LOLCATS Ho!

Gettin' out of the house

Eric and I don't get out much. We tend to be home bodies, and this frustrates us, because there is no other reason other then laziness. We both enjoy being active participants of life but our asses are very heavily drawn the couch, the bed, or to the comfy office chairs I spent way too much money on.

Last week, my co-worker announced that she had some tickets to a Taiko concert/show in Napa, on Saturday and she was no longer able to go. I quickly jumped at the chance because we both enjoy these types of shows. It is cultural, it is worldy, it is full of energy and it's just pretty cool! Plus, it's a great reason to drive up to Napa which really is only a 40 minute drive from our house but we tend to forget that it's so close.

We had hoped to get in a casual but tasty dinner before the show, but we got a late start and my mom had asked us to fill up her car with gas (she breaks out in a rash if she does it and there just aren't full-service stations around anymore), so we let go of the idea of dining at a lovely Napa restaurant. We took our time getting ready and still found we had 45 minutes before the show, so we got our casual but tasty dinner of In & Out burger, fries, and a shake and Dr. Pepper to share. And honestly... the best part of that meal was the Dr. Pepper (we don't drink much soda and it was so luxurious!)

We arrived at the Napa Valley Opera House to find that we were TOTALLY overdressed. I put Eric in a casual but nice button down and some black slacks and I was in a cut little matte jersey dress. We don't have reasons to dress up much (since we tend to not leave the house), so we took the opportunity and ran with it. The rest of the play house was dressed rather casually... good to know for the next time we head to Napa for a show.

The show was fantastic though. So full of energy and rhythm. If you ever get a chance to see a Taiko Drum group, I would highly recommend it. I wish that I had thought of inviting some other friends and their kids because it was a perfect show for kids. Perhaps a little late running, but I think I know a few pre-teens who would have really enjoyed it (and their parent's too).

This week we have 2 parties to go to, so we are feeling all grown up and social suddenly. It's very odd! But the big question now...what will I wear?

More goings on about the hair

I wrote that little post about the perm right after I walked in the door from the salon and I was still reeling from the sudden decision to frizz out my hair. Now that it has been a few days, and this morning I was finally able to wash it, I don't think its THAT bad anymore.
It's a "body wave" done with big perm rods and it was way curly the night I got it done. Then the next few days it was looking sad from the not being allowed to touch it business (for those non-perm havers, you can't wash, brush or generally do anything with permed hair for the first few days to allow the hairs to "remember" the curl since the chemicals are still doing their thing).
So now that I got to play with it.... I don't love it, but I don't totally hate it either. I blew out my bangs so they aren't one big cork stew anymore (think Squiggy), and I put in some de-frizzing serum and shine stuff. I don't like the way it hangs and its more kinky then curly, but maybe when I go back on Tuesday for a cut, she can make it have more shape. I dunno.... I miss my shiny, wash and go hair, but maybe I needed a little change to spark things up a bit.

The night I got the perm I couldn't sleep. I was having little anxiety pangs. Little freak outs about the hair, and then fearing the teasing I would get at work, and then realizing that I have to stand up in front of my whole department and do a training in a few days... WITH THIS HAIR! And then of course I started freaking out that I hadn't finished writing my presentation and had no idea what I was going to do with my hair for the presentation. And things just spiraled down from there.

And now today... I have ok hair, I am dressed in a casual but sharp sweater (I was so not going to wear a costume like most people in the office), and my presentation is at 1:30pm. So far I'm not all that nervous, just a little.. if I think about it, so I will stop thinking about it now.

Oh... and by the way... IT'S FRIDAY! and the best thing about that.... I get to SLEEP IN tomorrow AND my presentation will be over, oh and we're going to a Taiko Drum group concert in Napa.

May you all have fabulous hair this weekend!

What was I thinking?

I have fine hair. Very straight fine hair. It hangs there, and if I touch it through the day, which I always do, it ends up even more flat from the oils on my hands. My hairstylist has been trying to get me to try something out for a few years now, and tonight I threw caution to the wind and said "Sure, if you've got time". It's just hair, right? RIGHT?

So tonight I returned to the 80's.

I GOT A PERM!

I'm not about to show you pictures, so don't even ask. Right now I'm resisting the urge to jump in the shower to wash it out or to run a brush through it. The bangs are the worst of all. I could pull out my 8th grade picture and you'd see the same look. Tomorrow... all of the teasing I throw at my guy co-workers is going to come flying right back at me, 10 fold.

Kudos for my husband! Shame on me!

This week my new hubby made two appointments he tends to put off. He went to the eye doctor AND the dentist. He hadn't been to the dentist in years as he kept saying he was waiting until we were married and on my benefits. So, for the last few months I have been reminding him that he is on my benefits now, and I pay for them every 2 weeks so it would be great if he could go use them.

Hurray! He went and really likes the lovely in-network dentist he randomly picked from the list. He gets to see her a few more times this year too, thanks to the two tiny cavities and the need for a deep cleaning. I hear those deep cleanings hurt, so I will make sure to make him a lovely large pile of mashed potatoes and gravy for dinner that night, followed up by some ice cream. He'll like that.

The scary thing about this, is that I was listening to my mom complain about my father this weekend. About how they are paying for their benefits but my father refuses to go and use them. When she said this I rolled my eyes and pointed to Eric, gesturing that he does the same thing.

Now Eric has pointed out a few other instances of this before but I never really saw it.....

I'm TURNING INTO MY MOTHER!!!

I'm sorry love. I'll really watch the nagging and the complaining. Really I will!

BTW - Is it Kudos to... or Kudos for? Anywhoo... YAY Husband!

No Time for Talking

As one of the Ukrainian engineers I work with has said when he is a little stressed, "No Time for Talking".

Since I went back to full-time work 2 weeks ago, I have had so little time for the wonderful world of the Internets. Not just blogging, but random searches and surfing as well. Usually I'd probably spend about an hour or so a day surfing and blog reading and writing. But lately... I've had time for nadda. It's so sad. I don't have time today either, but I miss this process of writing and getting my thoughts out there.

I got very used to having my laptop as a sort of window to the world while I was recovering. I was enjoying writing posts and keeping up with the blogs I read and even finding new ones. But alas.... sitting on my butt on the couch has been replaced by a too long commute, meetings, meetings, work, work, lunching (that's still fun), chit chatting with co-workers, office politics and drama, and cube moves. And when I get home its dinner, maybe TV, and then off to bed where I never can get enough sleep so the weekends I pretty much just sleep. No wonder I haven't posted in a week. I wonder how I will ever complete NaBloPoMo. I guess I'll have to get REALLY creative and disciplined with my time which is a good thing, because after 6 weeks of not really following a schedule, I SUCK at it now.

So I have nothing too interesting to update on so feel free to stop reading now, as I have a feeling I'm going to get even more whiny. I HATE being whiny. Always with the whine and the negative... I'd like that to stop (but maybe later because I feel full of whine today).

• I've been working a lot and stress has returned to my life in the form of grinding my teeth at night to the point where I can only eat soft foods because my jaw has revolted against me. YAY!
• I have gained all of the weight I lost from being in the hospital, plus some, so even my lounging clothes I was wearing during my recovery.... don't fit. And I was so excited that my back fat.. yes that roll on the back with the stretch marks, was gone when I got home from the hospital but now it's back. Although my tummy is much more flat thanks to the baby head and it's slightly smaller friend being removed. (for those of you just tuning it... I had some non-cancerous tumors removed, one which was described as the size of a baby's head). All of the weight has landed on my hips, butt, thighs and GASP my back. My body REALLY wants to be a pear. Just looking at my mom proves it.
  
• I am still tired all of the time, but I have also re-introduced walking into my schedule so hopefully that will help with both the energy and the tight fitting clothes. My work also just installed a gym and showers in the building, and I signed the little waiver so I'm hoping to do a little cardio before I leave each night.... we'll see how that goes.
• on a more fun note.... My work has an annual pie contest around thanksgiving time and I've already started working on my entries. I recently made a peanut butter cup cream cheese pie, and got some excellent feedback from Py, J and their daughter Maya. A little more tweaking and I think I may finally say I can successfully bake a cheese cake... I mean a cream cheese pie. (the pie contest judges frown on cheesecakes being entered, so hopefully since I put mine in a pie tin with a full chocolate cookie crust, they won't bat an eye at it). My second entry will be something fruity.... although the chocolatey entries always win. I need more tasters who will give honest feedback.... volunteers?

Although it looks like a puddle of chocolate (what's wrong with that?), under the dark chocolate ganache, is a smooth and rich peanut butter cheese cake filling with chunks of peanut butter cup candies, on a crust of chocolate graham cracker crumbs and chopped peanuts.
Take 2 will have more candy chunks, a more stable crust, milk chocolate ganache and more garnish and flourish on top.
Thanks for the picture J!

The War

Over the last 2 weeks, we have been watching the Ken Burn's series 'The War' on PBS. If you haven't heard about it, it's a documentary about World War II, told from the viewpoint of Americans from 4 cities fighting both abroad and from home. There was footage from both sides, photographs, letters read and many interviews. A sister told of the letters her brother wrote, and of the howls from her mother when they received the dreaded news. Fighter pilots and infantrymen told of loosing their friends, of how death effected them and of the girls that were at home getting them through each day. The girl's waiting at home told about how they wrote to their boys abroad and worked at the USO and did all they could to support the war effort from home. Each episode spanned a time line from a few months to a year, and finally ended with J Day, the Americans finding the Death Camps and then talking about the lasting emotional and physical effects of the war on the men, the families and on the nation.

Quite frankly I didn't know much about WWII. I didn't know when it happened, or even who was on what side. Oh sure, I knew about Hitler and the Japanese's attack on Pearl Harbor, and then the final atomic bomb drop, but there was so much that I felt I should have already known, like that there were 2 atomic bombs dropped! I didn't know that Italy was involved, or Canada! Canada has an Army? I didn't know the battles extended down to North Africa. I didn't know about Omaha Beach but I did recognize that the footage reminded me of the opening scene of "Saving Private Ryan", which DUH! it was! Which completely explains why I have only seen maybe a minute of that movie and decided I never wanted to see the rest. I didn't know about the battles in the Philippines, Saigon, Guam, and all of the other islands in the Pacific. I had heard about Midway, but that was it on the Pacific front. The casualty numbers that the narrator would say after each vignette about a specific battle was completely mind boggling to me. How could they risk and loose so many lives? I guess I truly don't understand what a WORLD war is about, thankfully.

I talked to a friend of mine who is a high school history teacher about why we learn so little about such a huge event in World and US History. She said that so much time is spent on the Middle Ages that few teachers are able to get to the 20th century. And then in US History classes, again there is a focus on the birth of our nation and then on the Civil War, and they just run out of time. She said that she'd really like to show her Junior class at least part of the Ken Burn's series, but they don't have the budget to buy it. I hope Netflix will get it soon, so she can get her hands on it that way.

Tuesday night we watched the last of the Ken Burn's series. We have a few more shows to watch that were produced locally about Bay Area soldiers and how the War changed this area of the nation, but I think I'm done. That last episode was probably the hardest one to watch as there was a lot of footage about the death camps and the effects of the atomic bombs. The last few nights, neither of us have been sleeping well, and even though we haven't been having dreams that specifically point to the show, I'm still pretty sure it is effecting us. I'm very grateful and hopeful that I may never fully understand what war is really like. It's a shame that I say that, since we are still currently fighting in the Middle East, and yet I have no clue what it really means.


Maya's Granny wrote a great post about a realization that came to her out of the series, check it out!

Ahhhhhh!

During my recovery I sat, and sat, and probably slouched more then I should have but I didn't care because I just was trying to not hurt. Within a few days of being home my back was killing me. We figured out a position I could sorta relax in and Eric would rub it the best he could (the Percoset didn't hurt to help the relaxation either).

Once I was able to, I started going to my massage therapist every other week to help with the tension and the pain. We used a combination of the massage chair and pillows on the table, much like a pre-natal massage. Although the massages helped the spots that were spasming, I couldn't really relax in those positions.

So tonight, I had the most scrumptious of massages. I was finally able to lay on my stomach. Gingerly but ON MY STOMACH! Along with some meditative breathing, I was finally able to fully relax (without drugs).

You mean I have go TO the office?

This getting back into the swing of full-time in the office work is going slowly.

Yesterday I woke up with every intension of getting to the office my 9am. REALLY! Instead I woke up, checked my email and found that my 7am customer call was canceled and somehow got back in bed. I don't even remember laying back down, but around 9:30am I woke up. Guess I'll be working from home today because it would take me until about noon to get into the office, and I would get far more work done if I just stayed home at this point, so off my email was sent to my very understanding management.

Then today I already knew my calls were canceled so I set the alarm for 7:30. This day I was going to purposely go to work a little late.. not too late, just a little late because I'm pooped. And instead I woke up at 1am, then 2am and then at 5am I gave up and just got up. I had taken a decongestant last night and suddenly found myself REALLY irritable. I could only explain it as a side effect from the drug because I was perfectly content before I laid down. Eric had even rubbed my back until I was just about to pass out.

I headed to the train station before the sun came up and was thrilled when I got to the platform with time to spare. I got on the train to find no seats. I walked through 5 cars to the front of the train to still find no seat to put my tired arse. So I stood until exactly the next stop. The jostling of the train was too much for me to bear as my abdominals are still pretty weak and those internal incisions do not like this whole wearing pants thing. This made me feel like a weakling and even more cranky so I disboarded that train to wait for the next.

I felt like crying. I wanted to call Eric to tell him I'm coming home because someone, somewhere was telling me that I should go back home and work from there because going all the way into the office was pointless. But of course Eric also ended up with a sleepless night, so he was currently finally asleep on the couch downstairs and I didn't want to wake him with my whining. So I bucked up and got on the next train.

The rest of my commute was eventless. I found I was probably in the only car with the heater on and although some people complained, I LOVED it! I read a few chapters of my book, and soon found myself dosing off. A lovely little nap. I then transfered trains and read my book the rest of my journey.

I got into the office, hours before my teammates and had a very productive few hours. Then a little break for some blogging activity while I eat a sinful Krispy Kreme doughnut and a glass of cold milk (company provided of course!). As of now, this whole going to work thing is going to turn around for the better! (I've decided)

New Snack Find

I am a Tivo user. Yes, its true. I don't usually know what movies are coming out, I haven't seen that funny commercial people are talking about around the water cooler and I even tend to keep my head buried when it comes to the terrible news that fills the channels. So last weekend when we were in a little produce market which is mainly filled with various South American flavors and ingrediants, I was shocked and excited when I saw these new Doritos flavors (YES, I too can't believe I'm writing about Doritos!)

Doritos Collisons is what I saw. Hot Wings and Blue Cheese flavored chips in one bag, and Zesty Taco and Chipotle Ranch chips mixed up together in another.

Mostly, I was fascinated by the idea of Blue Cheese flavored chips. Me loves the feet cheese and I'm a fan of hot wings, so I picked up a 99cent snack bag along with our odd mix of veggies that we got mostly because Eric wanted to plant them (ginger, shallots, and various yams and sweet potatoes).

We were hungry, and even though Eric was disgusted that we had been shopping at Costco and then handling various foods in the produce market, and here we were digging our hands into this bag of chips and happily licking our fingers (yes I lick my fingers like a kid still and no one got sick), we were totally analyzing every bite.

The Hot Wing chips... eh, they tasted like Doritos with a tiny bit more heat, and the Blue Cheese chips tasted kinda like Blue Cheese dressing, but I found I had to make a kind of smacking noise and had to suck in air like you see wine tasters do, in order to really taste it.

All in all, it was a fun little treat.

Who'd a thunk... BLUE CHEESE flavored chips? We've come a long way from putting a little salt on a thinly sliced and fried potato!

The Rich and The Crunchy

Tonight, even though I was so tired by the time I got home, I was even more hungry and couldn't think of something I specifically wanted to eat. I wanted something rich and something crunchy. I was thinking tacos or maybe some crusty bread and butter and a plate of pasta.

On my way home, I called Eric to see if he had any ideas and to find out if he wanted to cook since he was at home and I was still on the train at 7pm, he told me he started looking up restaurant reviews (I guess he didn't want to cook). So we went to an Italian restaurant we've looked at before but never ate at, Luna Restiorante in Concord. It had many, many great reviews.

We were greeted as we walked in the door and immediately seated. We read through the menu and the specials and discussed and discussed the items. SOOooo many great sounding dishes. I really struggled. The waiter didn't come over until I closed the menu, which I appreciated because I don't like the pushy server that seems to just want to get us out of there before we sit down. He said he noted that I was wavering quite a bit with the menu and part of me wished he had come over sooner. I am the type of person who tends to have a hard time making food decisions because I want to make sure there is no chance of Entree Envy or possibly wish I had chosen something else, so I take a long time sometimes. I get ever so slightly annoyed when a server isn't picking up on my signals of I'm not exactly sure what I want and would love some suggestions verses I'm chatting with my friend here and want a little time. I know, I know... yes I expect them to read my mind!

The waiter was eager to help me and told us about their most popular dishes and helped me make my decision. We ordered the Banana Squash Cream Soup, Mushroom and Gorgonzola Bruchetta (for my crunchy craving), I got an item on the specials menu of Gnocchi with Pancetta, Peas, Mushrooms in a tomato cream sauce, and Eric had the Risotto Con Scampi E Granchio. Um... YUM! Everything was wonderful. Rich but not overly so. Flavorful with excellent textures. The prawns, which came with Eric's risotto, reminded us more of lobster as they were far more rich and crisp then your ordinary shrimp. They were clearly either fresh or VERY well cared for frozen shrimp, and perfectly cooked (over/under-cooked shrimp are a pet peeve of mine and a well cooked shrimp says a lot to me about the quality of the kitchen).
We finished up with the Tiramasu and tasty dark roasted decaf coffee, because how can you go out for a spontaneous date without getting dessert? Especially at an Italian restaurant you've never been to, when everything else has been so wonderful you have to find out if their desserts measure up! Since I had about 2/3rds of my entree boxed up, I saved some room for a few bites of mascarpone loveliness! The sauce work was very nicely done that I wished I had my camera so I could share it's beauty with you all. We very much enjoyed the Tiramasu, although I would have preferred it if they didn't drizzle chocolate sauce over it. I found it was too overpowering for the delicate balance of the rum, espresso and marsala flavors in the delicate mascarpone. Perhaps someone that was going for a chocolate dessert would have liked that more, but when I get Tiramasu, I expect to experience the cream and maybe a little chocolate grated on top as a lovely garnish. I just scooped off the chocolate (heaven forbid!) and it was perfect to me.

Everything we ordered helped to satisfy my rich craving and I was all set for the night, but nothing ever felt too heavy. It was all comfortable and soothing. We will definitely be back!

And to think that I considered going to Taco Bell! Woulda been much cheaper, but after spending so much time with Eric everyday and then to be apart all day today, a special night out just seemed appropriate. Plus we both figured, "hey, we worked today," me at my corporate job and Eric landed a new landscaping client, we decided to treat ourselves. Of course we've been "treating" ourselves A LOT lately since I hadn't been cooking. (Hellooooo hips!) Our fridge has had very little fresh anything in it, as its been a lot of frozen meals, take-out and dining out for us. Good thing Eric likes to eat leftovers, I think he'll be having Gnocchi tomorrow!

Back at work (again)

A few months ago I took some time off for our wedding festivities and the time eventually ended and I had to return to work. Then as I've written about, a month and a half later I had to take off more time for a myomectomy. Well, that period of time has ended and today is my first day back at work.

Things I've come to realize:

• Alarms SUCK! - allowing my body to wake up when it wanted to felt much more natural, plus Eric was sick last night with a migraine, which equals him puking, so no one got much sleep. 5am comes quickly when one drifts off to sleep at 2am.
  
• Having to commute to the office sucks more! - rolling out of bed and turning on the laptop was much better then catching trains and transfers and shuttles and walking in the rain to the office.
  
• Gas, train tickets and daily lunches out is expensive! - I was saving SO MUCH MONEY not having to come into the office everyday and dropping $8-15 on lunch. Even though I was on disability and my income dropped significantly, I still managed to save money last month.
  
• Schedules stop ruling my world and I LIKED IT! - I'm a control freak and I like order which includes schedules and to do lists. I had to let go of much of that and now with it creeping back in I want to see if I can find a balance.
  

Thank you for listening. I will try to stop whining about my commute situation soon... you know, as soon as it's no longer a "situation".

The last week of recovery (well full-time recovery)

Over the last 6 weeks of recovery, I have been bouncing in and out of a BLAHness. I had talked to my therapist and my surgeon about the possibility of this since I do have a tendency for the blah and they both told me depression is very often a part of recovery. Well this week I had one major blah day where I couldn't sleep so I went downstairs around 4am and at midnight I went back upstairs to bed. I sat there on the couch, working on this little project for my mom's piano teaching classes. I got up to use the bathroom, water and a ton of junk food I found in the kitchen which I rarely eat. It kinda sucked as days go.

Happily I woke up the next morning feeling great! I had some plans for that day and I was all optimistic about it. I had another post-op appointment with my surgeon who poked around and said that I am clear for getting back up to speed on my life. YAY! I can finally get back out there and do stuff without the fear of riping something open! I'm bummed that I still have some tender/sore spots and my incision has turned into a keloid scar and hurts, but I got a cool photo from during the surgery! (I'd post it but it's kinda gross.) She said that I'll still get exhausted easily and that as I increase my activities, I'll find I'll get stronger and have more energy. Thank goodness, because all of the effects of working out before the wedding has gone all squishy! I know I still need to take things slow but its good to know that the healing is going well enough to get back out there.

So far the rest of this week has been ok. I was exhausted after my day of plans, so I've been sleeping a lot which tends to lead me to blah days, but so far things aren't too bad (at least not as bad as that couch day). I've been able to do more and more work and the house cleaners came today, so that seems to have given me a bit of a boost. This weekend we're going to hang out with some friends we haven't seen since the wedding, and since they asked, I'm going to finally get back into the kitchen to do some baking. Cupcakes and cheesecake anyone?

Next week, I'm back to my true daily grind. I'll be back to my way too long commute and a full day at work, instead of working a few hours from home everyday. I am looking forward to a more focused routine and the camaraderie of my co-workers, but I am not looking forward to the 4 hours spent commuting and having to get up early. I like being able to sleep in if I need to and to take naps, or go on walks when my back is tired of sitting at the desk. And mostly I'm not looking forward to having to put on real clothes, although I do realize that staying in yoga pants and tank tops all day isn't very good for my mood either. Ohhh... and I suppose a full paycheck is a nice little benefit too!

The last 6 weeks have been very interesting and somewhat restful but I miss living. As I said to Eric last night as we ate dinner at a lively Mexican joint where I felt very out of place, I feel like I've been watching other people live their lives, whether on TV, through blogs or out the window and I miss actively living my own. My usual extroverted self has turned very introverted and I sort of have to re-learn how to interact with people again. I'll probably have some major TV withdrawals and will feel like I need to go lay down a few times through the day, but I'm hoping it doesn't take very long to get back into the swing of things again.

First Day of Fall

As good ol' Al Roker told me on the TODAY show, today is the first day of Autumn!

Do you know what I love most about the turn of the season from warm to chilly?

SWEATSHIRTS and FUZZY BLANKETS!

May not be what Eric is thinking of as exciting bedroom attire, but me loves them long time!

Oooo, and putting my chilly feetsies on my HOT running honey in bed. He actually likes this at this time of year because he's still too warm for blankets, so he says it cools him off for a moment or so. Soon, it will be cool enough he won't even need to sleep with the window open and I can put the down comforter back on the bed. How I love that comforter AND fuzzy blankets!

And what is best of all... the kitties are finally starting to cuddle with me again! In the warm months, the kitties rarely even want to sit near us on the couch. I knew I had been cold in bed for the last week or so (but too lazy to pull out the fuzzy blankets) but last night, Cosmo (the skittish of the two kitties - AKA "Skitty") spent much of the night snuggling up to me. He'd cuddle up, and get too warm and stretch out, and cuddle up, and stretch out. I don't think either of us got much sleep last night, but I was just so thrilled to have my baby kitty be all lovey with me, that I didn't mind at all (plus I had nothing planned, so the fact that I got up at 11am wasn't a big deal).

But I must admit, that since it was raining a tad this last week that I started thinking about Christmas already, and along with Christmas thoughts comes EGG NOG LATTE thoughts. Oh how I loves me the Egg Nog Latte! Hell, hold the Latte and just gives me some steamed Egg Nog cut with a little Non-Fat Milk, you know... so it's "healthy".

Sigh! Time to put away the flip flops and darn the turtlenecks. But don't think I'm gonna stop with the pedicures! These piggies still need to be cute even if they are in tennis shoes and boots for the next 6 months! Crap! I need to go shopping!

Kitten Envy

For the last year or so, I have brought up the idea of adding a new kitten to our little family. I don't know if I was transforming my maternal urges into kitten urges or what, as it has definitely been more of a craving then an actual thought out idea.

Well today, we went into a pet supply store for some Cat Gut Lube, as Eric calls the hairball remedy we give to our big boys, and I eyed that the schedule for cat adoptions was not set for today. THANK GOODNESS! Because I may not be able to resist. But then as I walked in, there was the cat lady setting up her little display of kittens all ready for adoption.

Immediately I was drawn to them, and she started her sales pitch. Really she was just very excited to talk to someone about her little babies. She could tell I was a cat person, and she began telling me all sorts of stories about each one. I was totally drawn to the only grey cat in her orange cat herd. He was a grey tabby with big ears and white paws, and oh so talkative and the only one in the bunch that was walking around and wanting to play. The rest were all scared and huddled in the corners of their pens.

I held the little grey one and the grey one's sister and just sat there for about 15 minutes with this little orange kitten as it snuggled into my chest. Eric was hooked. I was sure that if I said I wanted one, he would cave. He really liked the grey tabby.
But then a little boy and his parents showed up. They didn't really take much of an interest, but the man said to the cat lady... we'll take that one, as he pointed to the grey tabby! The cat lady was hesitant I'm assuming because they didn't even seem to want to interact with any of the cats, let alone the one they said they wanted to take home. She turned to me and asked if I was interested in that kitten, I guess since I was there first and had been playing with him. I said we really can't take a kitten home today. So she had them fill out the paper work, and I just stood there. I was shocked that she was going to let them take this kitten home. Suddenly I wanted to take the kitten. I didn't REALLY want to disrupt our little happy home with a kitten, but I didn't want this family to take him either.

I suppose the cat lady can't be too picky when she has so many that she is fostering. I hope that family knows what they are getting into and that they were just sort of shy in the store. I hope the cat lady has the policy that if one of her adopters ever need to get rid of a cat, that they have to take it back to her. I'd really hate to see such a sweet little ball of energy end up in the pound because it was "too much trouble".

Shuffling in the Dark

Living in a tightly packed townhouse complex, we end up living with a lot of neighbors. Their late nights, become out late nights, their home improvement projects become our pounding headaches. Well tonight, at this late hour of 10:30pm, I came up to our office to check my email since I didn't feel well today and stayed horizontal and away from the computer. It's a tad warm up here so our window is open, and I can hear the occasional shuffling of feet outside.

Just behind our unit is a circle of grass which is surrounded by other units and parking lots. The lighting out there isn't too good, so I can't really see what is going on, but every few minutes or so I can hear shuffling, and after a few more minutes that shuffling is accompanied by panting. I say to Eric that I think I hear someone out there running laps. He says that the other night he saw a young girl out there doing laps and that she didn't look like she was doing very well, and that she was a little .... (as he makes the gesture that she was probably a little rounder). By that time, her panting had turned into sobs. I can barely make her out by the few lights in the area, but I can see her stop, hunched over, and then push herself to keep going. Soon someone has come out to get her, telling her to stop and to go to bed, and despite her protests the sobs and shuffling went silent.

So I wonder. Is she sneaking out to run? Is she feeling the pressure to be more fit or is it to be thin?
I couldn't help but feel sad for her. I wanted to go out and hug her, but somewhere in me I also wanted to get out there and run with her. Of course I have no idea what this girl's actual story is, but I immediately started projecting my own and many other girls (and guys) story onto her.

I hope that in that home she went to tonight, the people there are being supportive of her, and not berating her for her battles and challenges. I wonder if we will hear those shuffling footsteps again tomorrow night.

Wordless Wednesday

Man-Tan

I don't know if anyone else will find this amusing... but I do, so I thought I should chronicle this morning's little event.

My husband, my usually very un-vain and "Berkeley" husband (as we like to describe him), has spent the morning exfoliating and using a sunless tanning lotion to even himself out so he doesn't look like a "farmer".
Of course I too tried this before the wedding to even out my tan lines so they wouldn't show so much with my strapeless dress, and my husband tried as well so he wouldn't look so "farmer-esque" in Hawaii. He was slightly disappointed with the results before, so he bought a more powerful lotion this time and he's giving it another go.
You see, my husband is a landscaper by trade so he's in the sun ALL of the time. No matter how much sunscreen he applies and re-applies, he tans. His beautiful olive skin just simply likes to be tan. VERY TAN. If you were to see him shirtless, you'd note that he wears t-shirts often, as there are very distinct lines of demarcation. I don't mind the lines in the slightest, I just beg that he applies more sunscreen as I'd prefer him not to have to battle skin cancer, as so many in his profession do.

Plus, I'd rather have the lines then the smell of that tanner. Ohh wee!

Why do I care?

I admit it, I'm a girl who is perfect. Perfectly set in her ways that is (which are very well thought out and pretty darn close to perfect!). Oh sure, I can change if you give me good reason too, but I have to be the one to decide on the changing and the when and the how. But when it comes to certain matters, I have a pretty good track record of being right. Eric agrees, it's not just me thinking I'm the bomb. (I really don't!.... REALLY! stop rolling your eyes! I can see you!)

So I want to know, why the hell do I care when I see someone do something a little differently then myself. Just because it's not the way I would have done something, as long as the end product is the same/equivalent/acceptable, that's what matters right? RIGHT?

I really wish I could just be more laid back, and not care about how something is done, as long as it gets done. Or really, does that thing HAVE to be done right now like I'd do it, or really can it wait? This is something I'd like to improve in myself. Perhaps this is a little bit about letting go of my control freak ways... just maybe. Maybe it means I am looking to be a better partner and friend, because why on earth would I want to be upset with someone I like or love?

Since before the wedding, I have been learning how to ask for help. This isn't something that came easily to me, seriously! So lately, during my recovery period, when I really couldn't take care of the things I'd normally take care of, I have been having to ask for even more help and have had to let other people take care of things. Sometimes not everything is done exactly how I'd do it or to my silly standards, and I'd feel myself get irritated. It just didn't seem right that I'd be feeling this way towards someone doing something to help me, and I am honestly getting sick of myself. I'm finding the fact that I get irritated, is more irritating then the initial irritation trigger, and I want it to stop. (did you all follow that?) The way I see it (and I'm sure there are plenty of other great ways to see it, because really I know I'm not perfect) the only way to make it stop is to either continue my control freak ways and and re-take over everything or learn to not care so much about the little stuff.

I started working on this a while ago and tonight I didn't even sigh when Eric stopped at MULTIPLE stop signs but well past the limit line. See? I'm getting better! Now to get rid of the impulse to sigh... that's the next step. I admit that I did point out his speed about 4 times though.

Wish me luck!

My appologies

Back here, when I was talking about my little book reading spree, I mentioned the book that I just finished, Peony in Love, was a sequel to Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. My bad, because it was not a sequel. It just so happened that the main character in the new book, Peony, had the same name as a baby that was born at the end of the author's previous book.

You could see how that mistake could be made, huh?

So that makes 4 books read in a few weeks. Maybe it's time for a few magazines again, I'm tired.

What's the deal?

Kids everywhere have birthdays right? Kids of all social economic situations grow up, just like the kid around the corner or in the penthouse.

So why is there a feeling of pressure for the families to have the perfect party? Have cute meaningful favors, fun activities, bounce houses, food, and more and more guests? Some even have multiple parties. And then there are the gifts. The parent's gift has got to be a big one right? or does it? I mean, the kid IS getting a party after all! Do they really need that gift they think they HAVE to have, even though the reviews you've read about it mostly all say it really sucks?

Have little kid parties always been this big production? I admit, I remember one extravagant party in my growing up years. Namely where I got to take my friends to an amusement park and my parents made the mistake of always allowing me as many friends as the age I was turning, so this 10 year old party was PRICEY! But mostly, the parties I went to and the ones my parents threw me were about the cake, most likely some pizza, maybe some games, and a bunch of giggling girls. I certainly only remember the amusement park one, (who wouldn't?, my mom was insane!) and I think my 9th, where the biggest fun of the day was putting balloons on the canopy of my bed, blind folding each girl as she arrived and then dumping the balloons on her. Lucky for my mom, after my 10th, I was done with the parties. (well, until my 21st, but I paid for that one).

But I don't remember as a kid, that it was about who had this, and who did that. Was that pressure there, and I didn't realize it? Did the pressure come from the other parents or the kids? Where does it come from now? Or have the kids just come to expect it?

As you all know, I don't personally have kids, but I have a lot of kids through my friends and family, and I hear about these parties and listen to the stressed out mom's putting them on.

Please tell me, parents out there,... what's the deal?

Someone come beat me over the head, but not with a book please?

As I mentioned right down there, I have been hit with some sort of Reading Rock and can't seem to stop. Of course this is a wonderful turn of events as I usually struggle with reading as it takes me so darn long as I have to say every single word in my head in order for me to absorb it, but that is getting faster with practice. The issue is that I LOVE to read in bed. That is where I can prop myself up with tons of pillows so all of my tender spots don't hurt so much, and I don't get a crick in my neck like I do when I sit on the couch.

So this causes a not so great side effect... I'm not going to sleep until sometime in the AM!

Last night, Eric pulled an all nighter as he had to prepare for a client meeting bright and early this morning, and I HATE to go to sleep when he's not there so I picked up a new book and started in on it. The next thing I knew I was half way through the book and Eric was no where about ready to come to bed, and I soon found myself dosing off. It was likely about 3am when I removed my glasses, but for some reason didn't turn off the light.

But then the worst thing about reading and filling it with stories before going to sleep... I had very active and stressful dreams. At some point, Eric found that I had fallen asleep with the light on and turned it off. I suddenly awoke in a panic and started frantically yelling for him. I know I had been dreaming, but I don't know what it was about and I found myself sweating and I had tears in my eyes. Thankfully Eric took the time to lay with me and calm me down so I could go back to sleep.

A few hours later, Eric came in to kiss my forehead as he had to leave for an early morning drive into San Francisco to present his work to a client. I was exhausted and still felt this all over frantic feeling, but I was awake and couldn't go back to sleep.

So now I sit here, REALLY wanting to pick up my book to finish it, but I just can't shake this icky feeling. Perhaps a short walk outside (which I still haven't done alone since my surgery and should probably get over that hurdle), and then maybe lay down for a nap with my lovey when he returns from his meeting, as I'm sure he is going to be exhausted. Man! My shoulders are practically at my ears. Relax girl! Relax!