Tuesday, November 29, 2005
By Saturday morning, my throat was scratchy, and by Sunday night, the cough had really set in. You know those Musinex commercials? The good old mucus monster was moving in.
This morning it was yellow.
I absolutley have to go to school tonight so it'll likely be green by morning.
Monday, November 28, 2005
I don't know if I'm in some sort of funk or depressed or just plain tired. Neither Eric or I have any energy to do our school work, yet we seem to have the desire. Somehow we always fill our time with other activities and don't sit ourselves down to do the school work.
This last weekend we had 4 whole days off and we planned on getting all caught up. Somehow another weeknd went by with very little getting done. Between cooking, the gym, naps, TV, more naps, and some baking, I've had no time to sit infront of the computer and put together a well thought out paper. Its always easier to clean the toilet then to write a paper (I've found).
I did get the hardest part of my school work done while cooking and eating Thanksgiving dinner. I interviewed my father on ALL sorts of stuff my family just doesn't talk about. I learned a lot about my father that most people know by the time they are in their teens. And on Sunday I talked to my mom and got even more information on her family history. You see, my parents didn't really talk to thier parents and my parents don't really talk to us, so.... a Sociology Project on my family's history and how it has made me who I am, is really quite difficult.
I even had panic attacks when I would think about this project. I spent a whole therapy session talking about it, and dealing with the fear and the feeling that I could have made my family's relationships better. I told my teacher that I was really uncomfortable about this project and had a panic attack in front of him (which ended in me running out of the room crying). The next week he asked if I was doing better, and I told him that I would send him my therapist's bill. He laughed... I didn't.
I guess it didn't turn out so bad, but now I have to write the stupid paper. Damn! The one time in my life where I'd rather do an Oral Report then a written one.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
As I grabbed the cute little green plastic basket and skipped my way through the wine, and cheese sections, to get to the back of the store where they keep my treat at the perfect temperature, I smiled and almost giggled in anticipation of the smooth, creamy, fatty goodness.
I rounded the corner of the dairy section and I was struck by the site of a black hole where the shelf was supposed to be, and no sale signs in site. Yes, it is true. The sale was over AND they were completely wiped out of the delectable Cream Top Yogurt. Oh sure, they were stocked with the low fat version by the same dairy, but what’s the point of paying too much for a little tub of yogurt, if you don’t get the sinful CREAM TOP!
I sadly scanned the prices for the cheapest counterpart, and found nothing less then 79 cents. Feeling defeated, I put a few flavors of the 79 cent variety in my stupid basket and made my way to the check out. To make my trip worth it I stopped at the bakery to get a scone (which ended up tasting like it was FAT FREE and therefore FLAVOR FREE).
To drop or not to drop.
Only 4 more weeks left of school, and this Friday is the deadline to drop classes and get a W. I have one project that is 4 weeks late, 2 extra credit papers that I haven’t done the research on yet, and a final project that I am dreading because it involves interviewing family members and finding out all of that information that my family doesn’t talk about.
This is THE class of my dreams, as far as the topic goes, but I can’t seem to get myself to do any of the class work. I participate in discussions, I answer questions, I share my experiences and my dreams. I am fascinated by the lectures and want to continue the discussions with my friends. But I just can’t seem to dedicate any of my time outside of class.
Am I scared?
Am I overloaded?
Am I not dedicated?
Do I really want to be in school?
How can I be so into this class, but not do ANY work for it?
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Being at Whole Foods there is of course no Lucerne. So I was going to have to get one the FOOFY "Natural" brands, that cost sooo much more. Brown Cow yogurt was on sale so I picked up a few. I noted the "Cream Top" and figured that since the fruit is on the bottom, this was just the Marketing Depts way of making a selling point of the fact that all the fruity goodness is on the bottom, and the boring cream was ontop. BOY WAS I WRONG!
Cream Top... means a LAYER OF CREAM (as I knew from Cream Top Milk), but who ever thought that Cream Top Yogurt meant there was a layer of Yogurt made from CREAM on the top. Not I!
Oh it is heavanly. It's like a thin layer of Mascarpone, which is like a richer, but not as flavorful cream cheese. I know there are people like myself that are perfectly happy with a knife and a block of cream cheese for dinner (maybe with a few crackers scattered about, so you don't totally gross out the neighbors as they walk by and see you on your couch in front of the TV chowing down on a brick of fat). So this was quite a happy finding as I sat down to my ho hum breakfast of yogurt and tea.
This discovery makes my dinner even more exciting. Especially since I'm stuck working until about 11pm tonight and all I have here is Yogurt and Cheerios. YEA for me, for planning ahead and buying multiple days of yogurt.
(note to self: buy more yogurt tomorrow)
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Do I really care about the end goal?
Although I love my current class, I can’t seem to do any of the work outside of the class, yet I go to the lecture every week.
I know I won’t give a rat’s ass about the other GE classes I will be forced to take in order to transfer, so how will I stay motivated to attend those classes?
It feels like it’s just a big weight and stress that hangs on me and drags me down.
I have quit school every time I randomly become motivated to go back. This has happened almost every semester since 1992.
I’m bitter at work.
I’m bitter at school.
And honestly, its causing me to be short, tired and bitter at home too.
This weekend I hung out with friends, and took a nap with a very cute, and snuggly baby. Then I went home and ate, worked some then napped, and then woke up just to get ready for bed, and then went back to sleep. The next day I woke up late, worked a little more, ate, napped, went to the gym for 30 minutes, then stared at the TV and then worked until 1am, and then went to bed.
Lots of sleeping this weekend, and somehow I completely avoided the 2 papers that were due 2 weeks ago, and will now not be accepted. So basically…I’ve now failed the class. I may have gotten lots of sleep this weekend, but its only Tuesday and all I want to do is go home and sleep.