For the last 3 years, I have participated in NaBloPoMo, a challenge to post on your blog every day for the month of November. I wasn't successful each year, but I always got something great out of it. WRITING!
I am not the most skilled writer but what I get out of writing is a form of therapy, improve writing composition and thankfully some great Bloggy Friends. Some days of November I would be really scrapping by on what to write about, and last year I was pregnant during November (ended in miscarriage but that's another story) but we weren't telling yet so that was soooo hard to not write about what was on my mind.
This year, I am pregnant again (small update - 12 weeks... Woo!) but have told people already so I thought I would easily do NaBloPoMo again and just gush baby drivel. But instead I find myself with carpal tunnel and tendinitis in both arms (worse now with the pregnancy), and in a few stressful situations (work, housing, financial fun, etc.) and did I mention I'm exhausted? I find I have little time for reading blogs, let alone writing anything for my own.
I'm only writing this now because I woke up in the middle of the night and meditation and breathing exercises were not helping the insomnia. Probably stupid for me to get on the computer, but there was a work email nagging me to get out.
So this year, November started without me writing a post each day. It probably would have been good therapy for me, so maybe I'll try to write a little more on here anyway even without the official challenge. They may be short posts, as the burning pain can only be ignored so long, but I'll try to post more just the same.
Welcome to my non-challenge yet still challenging November challenge.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
3rd Times a Charm
Funny thing.... you know how in this post I was just saying how I am now 35 and that I was all boo hoo about fertility and complications and never wanting to get to this age without having kids and all that blah blah blah?
Well, the day I wrote that, I didn't know that I was already pregnant!
Knowing I have a "tight" left tube and a submucosal fibroid just under that tubal opening which is possibly the cause of the "tight" tube, I had been recommended to have 2 surgeries. One to look at the tube and possibly remove it if it is obviously abnormal, and the second to "shave" down the fibroid so it didn't affect the uterine cavity. I asked if it was possible to get and have a successful pregnancy with these conditions and was told yes, but chances would be better after the surgeries and the risk of further ectopic pregnancies would be down. I am concerned of doing any possibly unneeded surgeries which add risk to my fertility, so my doctor asked that we try for 3 months and then we should discuss surgery again.
My husband and I work well to deadlines, so sure enough with the 3rd cycle after that discussion with my doctor we successfully got pregnant.
Ok, so I probably shouldn't say anything because we are still in the "Worry Time" but when is it not the worry time when it comes to pregnancy?
I am only 6 weeks pregnant but have been pained to walk up and down stairs for weeks without holding my chest, have been readily gagging for at least 2 weeks, and last week I was hit over the head with the almost constant desire to be unconscious. No food is satisfying right now, as I am either really hungry or feeling ill. I have been forcing myself to eat and rarely can get full before I get too nauseous so I'm just constantly hungry which makes me more nauseous. Sure I complain from time to time to my girlfriends, but really I am thrilled to feel this way... well, most of the time.
My beta-hCG numbers looked great at 4 weeks and tripled in 2 days. And today I had an early ultrasound to make sure this was not another ectopic pregnancy and it's definitely a uterine pregnancy and we saw a little flicker of a heartbeat. No measurements were taken today as its still a little too early to do that with the in-office ultrasound. I go back on Tuesday to start the pile of paperwork and to schedule my first real pre-natel appointment.
2 pregnancies ago, we had a heartbeat and growth up to 8.5 weeks so I know that the drop to 10% chance of miscarriage once there is a heartbeat doesn't mean a whole lot when you've been in that 10%. We do have a little issue of a fibroid above the implantation site, and development is going to be closely monitored. I will have more ultrasounds then your standard pregnancy and am considered high risk due to multiple factors:
fibroid uterus = risk of miscarriage, stillbirth, preterm labor, placenta abruption, etc
previous uterine scar tissue = risk of placenta accreta
previous uterine surgery = risk of uterine rupture, preterm labor
multiple cervical dialations = risk of incompetent cervix
I have many friends who have a hard time getting pregnant. Me, I can get pregnant but have a history of having a hard time staying that way and for the most part we have an idea of why. I feel grateful that we are not in the position of so many of my friends who have no answers and just keep being told to keep trying and spend so much time, emotions and money on their dream. I guess we too have had our own emotionally trying times, but having an idea of the issues gives us a small sense of power in the situation.
So her we go again!
As we have said since the ectopic in February, 3rd times a charm!
Well, the day I wrote that, I didn't know that I was already pregnant!
Knowing I have a "tight" left tube and a submucosal fibroid just under that tubal opening which is possibly the cause of the "tight" tube, I had been recommended to have 2 surgeries. One to look at the tube and possibly remove it if it is obviously abnormal, and the second to "shave" down the fibroid so it didn't affect the uterine cavity. I asked if it was possible to get and have a successful pregnancy with these conditions and was told yes, but chances would be better after the surgeries and the risk of further ectopic pregnancies would be down. I am concerned of doing any possibly unneeded surgeries which add risk to my fertility, so my doctor asked that we try for 3 months and then we should discuss surgery again.
My husband and I work well to deadlines, so sure enough with the 3rd cycle after that discussion with my doctor we successfully got pregnant.
Ok, so I probably shouldn't say anything because we are still in the "Worry Time" but when is it not the worry time when it comes to pregnancy?
I am only 6 weeks pregnant but have been pained to walk up and down stairs for weeks without holding my chest, have been readily gagging for at least 2 weeks, and last week I was hit over the head with the almost constant desire to be unconscious. No food is satisfying right now, as I am either really hungry or feeling ill. I have been forcing myself to eat and rarely can get full before I get too nauseous so I'm just constantly hungry which makes me more nauseous. Sure I complain from time to time to my girlfriends, but really I am thrilled to feel this way... well, most of the time.
My beta-hCG numbers looked great at 4 weeks and tripled in 2 days. And today I had an early ultrasound to make sure this was not another ectopic pregnancy and it's definitely a uterine pregnancy and we saw a little flicker of a heartbeat. No measurements were taken today as its still a little too early to do that with the in-office ultrasound. I go back on Tuesday to start the pile of paperwork and to schedule my first real pre-natel appointment.
2 pregnancies ago, we had a heartbeat and growth up to 8.5 weeks so I know that the drop to 10% chance of miscarriage once there is a heartbeat doesn't mean a whole lot when you've been in that 10%. We do have a little issue of a fibroid above the implantation site, and development is going to be closely monitored. I will have more ultrasounds then your standard pregnancy and am considered high risk due to multiple factors:
fibroid uterus = risk of miscarriage, stillbirth, preterm labor, placenta abruption, etc
previous uterine scar tissue = risk of placenta accreta
previous uterine surgery = risk of uterine rupture, preterm labor
multiple cervical dialations = risk of incompetent cervix
I have many friends who have a hard time getting pregnant. Me, I can get pregnant but have a history of having a hard time staying that way and for the most part we have an idea of why. I feel grateful that we are not in the position of so many of my friends who have no answers and just keep being told to keep trying and spend so much time, emotions and money on their dream. I guess we too have had our own emotionally trying times, but having an idea of the issues gives us a small sense of power in the situation.
So her we go again!
As we have said since the ectopic in February, 3rd times a charm!
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Un-Pausing
Projects tend to get put on pause in this house. They start with vigor but don't quite get finished. This is why we have doors that have been primed to paint, but never painted. Stuff in piles as we started purging out a closet but never decide where to put the stuff that didn't belong there. Walls which are partially painted but the day finished and no one felt like painting the next day, or the next, or the next. And probably why there are STILL cans of paint in the living room.
So this weekend we are un-pausing some projects. Some background on the biggest...
Floors
When we first moved in we decided we would change the kitchen flooring as it is a hunter green faux marble linoleum and the sink in the kitchen.. MATCHES with its hunter green enamel self. The living room carpet was (note I said WAS) pretty nice but after years of living with a cat with a tender tummy.... steam cleaning can only do so much. The upstairs carpeting is a mash-up of what I can only imagine to be SALE deals or free room size chunks the previous owners got their hands on. And we won't go into what happened when Eric removed the popcorn ceiling and then painted knowing we would eventually replace the carpet. Ok I will go into it...he didn't use any sort of protective covering and you know there were drips and spills and uh ohs.
Kitchen
Our kitchen has its original partial board cabinets and to go with the faux marble floor, it has a faux marble laminate counter top too. Someone previous to us decided to paint the cabinets and used FLAT paint. That's right, the paint you CANNOT WASH as it ends up wiping off. IN THE KITCHEN! Brilliant. So the cabinets look like crap. There is actually a missing cabinet and they just put doors over the hole to cover it up. And the guy we bought this place from hired a cheap guy to put in venting for the range hood who CUT HOLES through the cabinets to vent it through the outside wall and into the water heater closet outside and up through the roof. Seeing as this was not approved by the HOA and was not to code, I stopped that work half way through since it wasn't finished when we closed escrow. So now there is a lovely hole running through the cabinets and into the outside shed. AWESOME! Nice and breezy.
Then lets add that some of the cabinet doors are falling off and have been re-screwed on so many times that the "wood" is stripped. I say "wood" because its particle board that is disintegrating.
Oh and the drawers do not have glides, they are wood on wood grinding every time you open them so anything under the drawer gets a showering of particle board dust so I have to wash everything before and after I use it.
Can you tell how much I love my kitchen?
Well, a few years ago.... 4.5 to be exact (note, we moved in 5.5 years ago), I bought some wood laminate flooring to be used downstairs. We had it all worked out. We were going to replace the kitchen cabinets and then put down the floors. That flooring as been sitting next to our front door "acclimating" since the day we brought it home. Our friends ask us over and over, have you taken care of those floors yet?
We have made plans to buy the kitchen cabinets multiple times. We have picked them out, drew up the plans, but never actually purchased them. Thankfully we have also never started the demo because that would be sad, but might have caused us to get moving.
So yesterday, I took the day off and we visited a home design showroom in town that just opened up a month ago. Their parent company mainly works with Banks and property management companies to get properties ready to sell. Many of these places are in foreclosure so the stuff is really reasonably priced and of decent quality. They do flooring, windows, baths and kitchens. You don't have a lot of options for some things they offer and that is how the keep the cost low. AND they do installation.
So on Wednesday, they will be coming out to do measurements and give us a bid on the kitchen, counter tops and the floors. We don't know if they will install the flooring we already have or if we will end up trying to get rid of it on Craigslist, but things are so much more promising now. Since they do installation I have more confidence that this will actually happen. Do it yourself projects have the tendency to stall in this house.
The remainder of the weekend's task list:
Purging a few closets and packing things up that can go away or into storage. The goal is to minimize the things in the house to what we actually use regularly. I have a feeling a lot is going to Goodwill.
I can't wait to get my hands on Eric's closet.... this man has got a lot of shoes (mostly all black) and old T-shirts!
So this weekend we are un-pausing some projects. Some background on the biggest...
Floors
When we first moved in we decided we would change the kitchen flooring as it is a hunter green faux marble linoleum and the sink in the kitchen.. MATCHES with its hunter green enamel self. The living room carpet was (note I said WAS) pretty nice but after years of living with a cat with a tender tummy.... steam cleaning can only do so much. The upstairs carpeting is a mash-up of what I can only imagine to be SALE deals or free room size chunks the previous owners got their hands on. And we won't go into what happened when Eric removed the popcorn ceiling and then painted knowing we would eventually replace the carpet. Ok I will go into it...he didn't use any sort of protective covering and you know there were drips and spills and uh ohs.
Kitchen
Our kitchen has its original partial board cabinets and to go with the faux marble floor, it has a faux marble laminate counter top too. Someone previous to us decided to paint the cabinets and used FLAT paint. That's right, the paint you CANNOT WASH as it ends up wiping off. IN THE KITCHEN! Brilliant. So the cabinets look like crap. There is actually a missing cabinet and they just put doors over the hole to cover it up. And the guy we bought this place from hired a cheap guy to put in venting for the range hood who CUT HOLES through the cabinets to vent it through the outside wall and into the water heater closet outside and up through the roof. Seeing as this was not approved by the HOA and was not to code, I stopped that work half way through since it wasn't finished when we closed escrow. So now there is a lovely hole running through the cabinets and into the outside shed. AWESOME! Nice and breezy.
Then lets add that some of the cabinet doors are falling off and have been re-screwed on so many times that the "wood" is stripped. I say "wood" because its particle board that is disintegrating.
Oh and the drawers do not have glides, they are wood on wood grinding every time you open them so anything under the drawer gets a showering of particle board dust so I have to wash everything before and after I use it.
Can you tell how much I love my kitchen?
Well, a few years ago.... 4.5 to be exact (note, we moved in 5.5 years ago), I bought some wood laminate flooring to be used downstairs. We had it all worked out. We were going to replace the kitchen cabinets and then put down the floors. That flooring as been sitting next to our front door "acclimating" since the day we brought it home. Our friends ask us over and over, have you taken care of those floors yet?
We have made plans to buy the kitchen cabinets multiple times. We have picked them out, drew up the plans, but never actually purchased them. Thankfully we have also never started the demo because that would be sad, but might have caused us to get moving.
So yesterday, I took the day off and we visited a home design showroom in town that just opened up a month ago. Their parent company mainly works with Banks and property management companies to get properties ready to sell. Many of these places are in foreclosure so the stuff is really reasonably priced and of decent quality. They do flooring, windows, baths and kitchens. You don't have a lot of options for some things they offer and that is how the keep the cost low. AND they do installation.
So on Wednesday, they will be coming out to do measurements and give us a bid on the kitchen, counter tops and the floors. We don't know if they will install the flooring we already have or if we will end up trying to get rid of it on Craigslist, but things are so much more promising now. Since they do installation I have more confidence that this will actually happen. Do it yourself projects have the tendency to stall in this house.
The remainder of the weekend's task list:
Purging a few closets and packing things up that can go away or into storage. The goal is to minimize the things in the house to what we actually use regularly. I have a feeling a lot is going to Goodwill.
I can't wait to get my hands on Eric's closet.... this man has got a lot of shoes (mostly all black) and old T-shirts!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Another Year Older
Yesterday, I added another year to my life officially. I am now the age I never wanted to get to without having kids. I am now the age where all I think about is fertility and healthy babies and how to have a healthy baby all the while trying not to stress about it as that seems to be the biggest evil. I am the age the OB/GYNs tells you it all goes down hill from here but with an odd sense of hope and promise in their voice. I am a statistic. I am 35.
HOLY SHIT! How the hell did this happen?
Due to the good ol' arm pains I also dropped photography, so I decided to say hell with the pain, I want to remember how to use this fancy thing we bought so I brought along the camera. Here are a few photos which are poorly lit and a good reminder that I need to actually USE the settings on the camera or get and learn some photo editing software (which reminds me I need a new computer).
The boys (and Maya) and the food.
The lovely Maya
Autumn and Autumn's Mom (aka Dot)
The Girls and an IKEA catelog
iPhones users must huddle together for warmth
Don't let him fool you. The cupcakes were delishous! He just had a fever.
A few more photos are here.
Thank you my friends for sharing a lovely evening together! You all make sting of this year a little more bearable.
HOLY SHIT! How the hell did this happen?
(BTW - yes Mom, I do swear... I guess it's time to come clean)
I spent the day shopping with my husband and prepping for a snacky food filled affair with some of my closest friends. We bought me a gorgeous Japanese knife and bamboo cutting board, $40 of Bluefin Tuna for Tuna Tar Tar and all the makings for Goi Cuon (Vietnamese Fresh Spring Rolls). I prepared to make sushi rolls for my friends and made about a bazillion spring rolls. As I haven't been in the kitchen much for about 7 months due to pain and I had a blast. I'll be icing my arms all day, but totally worth it.
Due to the good ol' arm pains I also dropped photography, so I decided to say hell with the pain, I want to remember how to use this fancy thing we bought so I brought along the camera. Here are a few photos which are poorly lit and a good reminder that I need to actually USE the settings on the camera or get and learn some photo editing software (which reminds me I need a new computer).
The boys (and Maya) and the food.
The lovely Maya
Autumn and Autumn's Mom (aka Dot)
The Girls and an IKEA catelog
iPhones users must huddle together for warmth
Don't let him fool you. The cupcakes were delishous! He just had a fever.Thank you my friends for sharing a lovely evening together! You all make sting of this year a little more bearable.
Hello World. I'm back. Again.
I don't know if anyone is still out there, but something is drawing me back here to talk. Sure, the blog has become a part of my therapy and my way to "process" all the stuff life brings. But it has also brought me some good friends and a way to keep in touch with old ones as our modern day life makes it all just a little bit harder to do. Simply, I miss you guys.
As Jules mentioned yesterday, I haven't been blogging or really typing socially for that matter as I have developed RSI's in both arms. I am diagnosed with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome on the right side and Tendinitis all over both arms. I work hard and long (too long) and I no longer have time to IM, blog (read or write) or pick up the phone. Typing this right now gives me a burning pain that travels from my right writs, up my arm and down my back. It's AWESOME!
But alas I miss my community. I miss taking time out everyday to at least read about my "bloggy friend's" worlds. I miss writing about the positive things in my life and instead only seem to be drawn here to bitch about the challenges.
Facebook has been an interesting outlet and I've been using it off and on, but the blogosphere gets more out of me and I get more out of it. I also joined Twitter recently (30 minutes ago) but I don't get it but we'll see how that one goes.
So today I am older, and I am taking things back which have gotten away from me. My health. My family. My friends. My Internet. (so profound!)
As Jules mentioned yesterday, I haven't been blogging or really typing socially for that matter as I have developed RSI's in both arms. I am diagnosed with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome on the right side and Tendinitis all over both arms. I work hard and long (too long) and I no longer have time to IM, blog (read or write) or pick up the phone. Typing this right now gives me a burning pain that travels from my right writs, up my arm and down my back. It's AWESOME!
But alas I miss my community. I miss taking time out everyday to at least read about my "bloggy friend's" worlds. I miss writing about the positive things in my life and instead only seem to be drawn here to bitch about the challenges.
Facebook has been an interesting outlet and I've been using it off and on, but the blogosphere gets more out of me and I get more out of it. I also joined Twitter recently (30 minutes ago) but I don't get it but we'll see how that one goes.
So today I am older, and I am taking things back which have gotten away from me. My health. My family. My friends. My Internet. (so profound!)
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Whine Party
Today I took a half day off from work as I had scheduled a fun fun GYN procedure in the afternoon. I knew it had the potential to be upsetting, painful and that I very well may want to crawl into bed for the rest of the day.
GOOD THINKING!
Today I had a Saline Sonogram. It isn't super invasive and the uncomfortableness isn't long lasting but it still sucked! This procedure was to look into the insides of 'lady land' to see the reason for the multiple miscarriages. I had a myomectomy 1.5 years ago to remove 2 large fibroid tumors from my uterus which could result in scaring and I also knew that I could have fibroid regrowth. This procedure would hopefully give us a clearer picture as to what is going on in there today.
Many of you ladies who have had early ultrasounds during pregnancy or who have had other reason to look into lady land, are familiar with the not so fun transvaginal ultrasound. I've had lots of these thanks to having fibroids and an ectopic pregnancy and all the fun around those beauties. This sonogram is like that one, but they also insert a catheter and fill you up with saline so they can see a contrast. Basically you expect some cramping and discomfort. Which yea... sucked and I totally should have listened to the advice the great Internets gave me which was to take pain meds ahead of time.
The thing that isn't sitting well with me was the infertility clinic NP who performed the procedure. My doctor had planned on being there but was out sick today. Since my doctor wasn't there the NP asked me for my history so she knew what she was looking for. She seemed shocked at all I'd been through which didn't sit well with me that she was unaware of my case. She didn't explain the procedure and just started.
TMI alert!
#1 - the speculum was too big and she was ROUGH! Let's just say I am still uncomfortable. I've had painful experiences with the torture devise known as the speculum, but this was ridiculous pain.
#2 - The pain around the filling of the uterus was expected from my internet reading but I am still in shock that she didn't explain anything. I mostly felt terrible for Eric as he sat by me wincing every time I made a peep. I am generally a very quiet patient with a high pain tolerance but I could not just lay there today.
#3 - I was already upset about the potential outcome of this procedure because while this would hopefully give us some answers to the miscarriages, this would also tells us the next steps which could include surgery to remove more fibroids and/or scar tissue. So as she was pointing to things on the screen and saying 'that looks like scar tissue', 'there is a fibroid', 'there is another fibroid' , she suddenly said "OH! Look at THAT!" which you never want to hear while in such a precarious position. Those ultrasound images are hard to read if you don't know what you are looking at (I include myself in the not knowing crowd), but then she said "it looks all spider webby in there!", which of course I can't see but ok, that doesn't sound good. She said based on my history she is thinking it is scar tissue from the surgery but my doctor will have to do a hysteroscopy to know for sure (basically sticking a camera all up in my business to see more stuff).
My general opinion is that this kind of news, especially in an infertility clinic, should not be delivered in such a manner and fully feel that if my doctor was there that this experience would have been different.
#4 - When we talked about the ectopic pregnancy she asked if I had an HSG test yet, and when I said no and she was surprised. Then she asked what my treatment was for the ectopic, which was methotrexate injections, and she said, "You do know not to get pregnant for 3 months, right?" which is not what my doctor said. Again, I don't think that exchange would have happened like that if my doctor was in the room.
So now we know there are more issues in lady land. AWESOMENESS!
After the appointment, we got a late lunch because I couldn't eat anything this morning out of being too crazed with work stuff to take the time. So we went to a nearby diner which we had never been to and I drowned my fears, pain and sorrow in a giant strawberry milkshake which had fresh strawberries and really good vanilla ice cream and wasn't too sweet, a giant helping of french fries which might have been the most potatoey and yummy french fries ever, and a big bacon cheeseburger (ahh yea, you know what I'm talking about!) with thick cut bacon, and a cleary hand patted patty that was at least an inch thick. Eric had eaten lunch already so he enjoyed a housemade bearclaw, many of my fries and we split the shake.
Black Bear Diner -- Check it!
After getting home, I basically slept the rest of the day away (since I had worked until 2am a few nights in a row, I think it was well needed)
So that's the current update in the adventure of me and my dreams of being a parent. I used to believe that being a parent was the whole point to my life, and while my experience with fibroids and lots of therapy has helped me adjust my perspective and accept that I'm ok as is, the dream is still alive but the pressure isn't as great (all the time).
GOOD THINKING!
Today I had a Saline Sonogram. It isn't super invasive and the uncomfortableness isn't long lasting but it still sucked! This procedure was to look into the insides of 'lady land' to see the reason for the multiple miscarriages. I had a myomectomy 1.5 years ago to remove 2 large fibroid tumors from my uterus which could result in scaring and I also knew that I could have fibroid regrowth. This procedure would hopefully give us a clearer picture as to what is going on in there today.
Many of you ladies who have had early ultrasounds during pregnancy or who have had other reason to look into lady land, are familiar with the not so fun transvaginal ultrasound. I've had lots of these thanks to having fibroids and an ectopic pregnancy and all the fun around those beauties. This sonogram is like that one, but they also insert a catheter and fill you up with saline so they can see a contrast. Basically you expect some cramping and discomfort. Which yea... sucked and I totally should have listened to the advice the great Internets gave me which was to take pain meds ahead of time.
The thing that isn't sitting well with me was the infertility clinic NP who performed the procedure. My doctor had planned on being there but was out sick today. Since my doctor wasn't there the NP asked me for my history so she knew what she was looking for. She seemed shocked at all I'd been through which didn't sit well with me that she was unaware of my case. She didn't explain the procedure and just started.
TMI alert!
#1 - the speculum was too big and she was ROUGH! Let's just say I am still uncomfortable. I've had painful experiences with the torture devise known as the speculum, but this was ridiculous pain.
#2 - The pain around the filling of the uterus was expected from my internet reading but I am still in shock that she didn't explain anything. I mostly felt terrible for Eric as he sat by me wincing every time I made a peep. I am generally a very quiet patient with a high pain tolerance but I could not just lay there today.
#3 - I was already upset about the potential outcome of this procedure because while this would hopefully give us some answers to the miscarriages, this would also tells us the next steps which could include surgery to remove more fibroids and/or scar tissue. So as she was pointing to things on the screen and saying 'that looks like scar tissue', 'there is a fibroid', 'there is another fibroid' , she suddenly said "OH! Look at THAT!" which you never want to hear while in such a precarious position. Those ultrasound images are hard to read if you don't know what you are looking at (I include myself in the not knowing crowd), but then she said "it looks all spider webby in there!", which of course I can't see but ok, that doesn't sound good. She said based on my history she is thinking it is scar tissue from the surgery but my doctor will have to do a hysteroscopy to know for sure (basically sticking a camera all up in my business to see more stuff).
My general opinion is that this kind of news, especially in an infertility clinic, should not be delivered in such a manner and fully feel that if my doctor was there that this experience would have been different.
#4 - When we talked about the ectopic pregnancy she asked if I had an HSG test yet, and when I said no and she was surprised. Then she asked what my treatment was for the ectopic, which was methotrexate injections, and she said, "You do know not to get pregnant for 3 months, right?" which is not what my doctor said. Again, I don't think that exchange would have happened like that if my doctor was in the room.
So now we know there are more issues in lady land. AWESOMENESS!
After the appointment, we got a late lunch because I couldn't eat anything this morning out of being too crazed with work stuff to take the time. So we went to a nearby diner which we had never been to and I drowned my fears, pain and sorrow in a giant strawberry milkshake which had fresh strawberries and really good vanilla ice cream and wasn't too sweet, a giant helping of french fries which might have been the most potatoey and yummy french fries ever, and a big bacon cheeseburger (ahh yea, you know what I'm talking about!) with thick cut bacon, and a cleary hand patted patty that was at least an inch thick. Eric had eaten lunch already so he enjoyed a housemade bearclaw, many of my fries and we split the shake.
Black Bear Diner -- Check it!
After getting home, I basically slept the rest of the day away (since I had worked until 2am a few nights in a row, I think it was well needed)
So that's the current update in the adventure of me and my dreams of being a parent. I used to believe that being a parent was the whole point to my life, and while my experience with fibroids and lots of therapy has helped me adjust my perspective and accept that I'm ok as is, the dream is still alive but the pressure isn't as great (all the time).
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Brief Update
Just stopping to say hi and to throw out a little update.
- Wrists still hurt... better but still hurt and am now awaiting my worker's comp insurance to approve the physical therapy. Considering my case was opened at the end of January, this is getting ridiculous.
- Working too much, trying to figure out how to find the balance.
- Got a new tooth night guard because the stress is some how showing up in my mouth. Jaw clenching and pushing my tongue against my teeth and moving them. Who knew that clenching causes gum recession and flaking off enamel. Also causes wallet lightening because mouth guards are EXPENSIVE! This is my second in 2 years.
- In the attempt to reduce stress and in celebration of getting home while it was still light out, we went for a jog yesterday and surprised myself at going 1.5 miles after no exercise for months. That may not sound like much but to me it totally is. I was able to pretty much chat with Eric the whole time. We even managed to sing this song for a short chunk of the route...
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Milestone day
Today is a day which will be marked on the calendar. Ok, maybe it won't be because it depresses me a little even as I try to look at the upside to it.
Today I am reminded I am older.
I am no longer dealing with teen angst... much.
I am not afraid of the bullies.... much.
I am able to go to the store and buy what I want... mostly....on credit.... but I don't because I also know the difference between need and want.
I am wiser.
I am stronger.
I am a little bigger too... but we're trying to stick to the positives here.
I don't care as much about wearing the perfect outfit so the cute boy behind me mind notice me.
I've accepted I have straight hair and no longer feel the need to put chemicals in it to change it's structure so it frizzes out instead of laying all shiny and straight.
I have accepted that I am no longer a size 0-2, even if I haven't quite accepted my current size.
I like that I can't see my ribs anymore because that was kinda gross.
I make pretty decent money without getting up at 4am to throw papers at people's houses.
I have learned that being treated badly by a man is NOT OK! and there are other fish in the sea!
I own stuff.
I have found my own voice and use it regularly.
I may not still regularly speak to my friends from my childhood but I have surrounded myself with who I feel are life long friends.
I've accepted it is ok to loose touch.
So even though I am reminded about all of these GOOD things at this point in my life (plus more but my wrists are starting to say we've had just about enough typing for the moment), today is a milestone day which depresses me a little because....
I FOUND MY FIRST GREY HAIR!
It's too soon! It's just too soon!
I also have dark dark brown hair and this hair is white white white and kinky and right in my part on top of my head.
sigh... so much for not caring so much about my hair.
BACK TO THE BOTTLE!
Today I am reminded I am older.
I am no longer dealing with teen angst... much.
I am not afraid of the bullies.... much.
I am able to go to the store and buy what I want... mostly....on credit.... but I don't because I also know the difference between need and want.
I am wiser.
I am stronger.
I am a little bigger too... but we're trying to stick to the positives here.
I don't care as much about wearing the perfect outfit so the cute boy behind me mind notice me.
I've accepted I have straight hair and no longer feel the need to put chemicals in it to change it's structure so it frizzes out instead of laying all shiny and straight.
I have accepted that I am no longer a size 0-2, even if I haven't quite accepted my current size.
I like that I can't see my ribs anymore because that was kinda gross.
I make pretty decent money without getting up at 4am to throw papers at people's houses.
I have learned that being treated badly by a man is NOT OK! and there are other fish in the sea!
I own stuff.
I have found my own voice and use it regularly.
I may not still regularly speak to my friends from my childhood but I have surrounded myself with who I feel are life long friends.
I've accepted it is ok to loose touch.
So even though I am reminded about all of these GOOD things at this point in my life (plus more but my wrists are starting to say we've had just about enough typing for the moment), today is a milestone day which depresses me a little because....
I FOUND MY FIRST GREY HAIR!
It's too soon! It's just too soon!
I also have dark dark brown hair and this hair is white white white and kinky and right in my part on top of my head.
sigh... so much for not caring so much about my hair.
BACK TO THE BOTTLE!
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