Over the last 6 weeks of recovery, I have been bouncing in and out of a BLAHness. I had talked to my therapist and my surgeon about the possibility of this since I do have a tendency for the blah and they both told me depression is very often a part of recovery. Well this week I had one major blah day where I couldn't sleep so I went downstairs around 4am and at midnight I went back upstairs to bed. I sat there on the couch, working on this little project for my mom's piano teaching classes. I got up to use the bathroom, water and a ton of junk food I found in the kitchen which I rarely eat. It kinda sucked as days go.
Happily I woke up the next morning feeling great! I had some plans for that day and I was all optimistic about it. I had another post-op appointment with my surgeon who poked around and said that I am clear for getting back up to speed on my life. YAY! I can finally get back out there and do stuff without the fear of riping something open! I'm bummed that I still have some tender/sore spots and my incision has turned into a keloid scar and hurts, but I got a cool photo from during the surgery! (I'd post it but it's kinda gross.) She said that I'll still get exhausted easily and that as I increase my activities, I'll find I'll get stronger and have more energy. Thank goodness, because all of the effects of working out before the wedding has gone all squishy! I know I still need to take things slow but its good to know that the healing is going well enough to get back out there.
So far the rest of this week has been ok. I was exhausted after my day of plans, so I've been sleeping a lot which tends to lead me to blah days, but so far things aren't too bad (at least not as bad as that couch day). I've been able to do more and more work and the house cleaners came today, so that seems to have given me a bit of a boost. This weekend we're going to hang out with some friends we haven't seen since the wedding, and since they asked, I'm going to finally get back into the kitchen to do some baking. Cupcakes and cheesecake anyone?
Next week, I'm back to my true daily grind. I'll be back to my way too long commute and a full day at work, instead of working a few hours from home everyday. I am looking forward to a more focused routine and the camaraderie of my co-workers, but I am not looking forward to the 4 hours spent commuting and having to get up early. I like being able to sleep in if I need to and to take naps, or go on walks when my back is tired of sitting at the desk. And mostly I'm not looking forward to having to put on real clothes, although I do realize that staying in yoga pants and tank tops all day isn't very good for my mood either. Ohhh... and I suppose a full paycheck is a nice little benefit too!
The last 6 weeks have been very interesting and somewhat restful but I miss living. As I said to Eric last night as we ate dinner at a lively Mexican joint where I felt very out of place, I feel like I've been watching other people live their lives, whether on TV, through blogs or out the window and I miss actively living my own. My usual extroverted self has turned very introverted and I sort of have to re-learn how to interact with people again. I'll probably have some major TV withdrawals and will feel like I need to go lay down a few times through the day, but I'm hoping it doesn't take very long to get back into the swing of things again.