I admit it, I'm a girl who is perfect. Perfectly set in her ways that is (which are very well thought out and pretty darn close to perfect!). Oh sure, I can change if you give me good reason too, but I have to be the one to decide on the changing and the when and the how. But when it comes to certain matters, I have a pretty good track record of being right. Eric agrees, it's not just me thinking I'm the bomb. (I really don't!.... REALLY! stop rolling your eyes! I can see you!)
So I want to know, why the hell do I care when I see someone do something a little differently then myself. Just because it's not the way I would have done something, as long as the end product is the same/equivalent/acceptable, that's what matters right? RIGHT?
I really wish I could just be more laid back, and not care about how something is done, as long as it gets done. Or really, does that thing HAVE to be done right now like I'd do it, or really can it wait? This is something I'd like to improve in myself. Perhaps this is a little bit about letting go of my control freak ways... just maybe. Maybe it means I am looking to be a better partner and friend, because why on earth would I want to be upset with someone I like or love?
Since before the wedding, I have been learning how to ask for help. This isn't something that came easily to me, seriously! So lately, during my recovery period, when I really couldn't take care of the things I'd normally take care of, I have been having to ask for even more help and have had to let other people take care of things. Sometimes not everything is done exactly how I'd do it or to my silly standards, and I'd feel myself get irritated. It just didn't seem right that I'd be feeling this way towards someone doing something to help me, and I am honestly getting sick of myself. I'm finding the fact that I get irritated, is more irritating then the initial irritation trigger, and I want it to stop. (did you all follow that?) The way I see it (and I'm sure there are plenty of other great ways to see it, because really I know I'm not perfect) the only way to make it stop is to either continue my control freak ways and and re-take over everything or learn to not care so much about the little stuff.
I started working on this a while ago and tonight I didn't even sigh when Eric stopped at MULTIPLE stop signs but well past the limit line. See? I'm getting better! Now to get rid of the impulse to sigh... that's the next step. I admit that I did point out his speed about 4 times though.
Wish me luck!
12 comments:
Oh, Cherry! I can TOTALLY relate! I am very much like you on this one! I wish I could learn to ease up a bit when it comes to certain things too.
I guess looking alike when we were little girls is not the only thing you and I have in common. Wait...you did say that all Asian girls look strikingly similar though ;)
I am exactly the same way as you are. I am always bugged because people don't do things THE RIGHT WAY. Which is my way, of course.
My way is always right, didn't you know that? The problem with wanting things to always be done YOUR WAY, is that no one else can do it as well as you can, and thus, you end up having to do everything yourself. When I realized this was the result of wanting things done MY way on MY schedule, I started to learn a little bit of letting go of my own. Believe me, it helps!
Well you are working on it and that is really good.
Okay, you've described me in a nutshell. I'm always trying to control how things are done, how things should be chopped, what order ingredients should go in while hubster is making ME dinner ... even how our recycling is put together all nice and neat on our driveway! A lot of trouble that's got me into because that's totally become my job now and there are a lot of things I'd rather do than fold newpaper and cardboard every Tuesday night! Serves me right!
Maybe it is an Asian girl thing :)
I can be like that too! I am especially nit picky about D.'s driving. I guess I need to "chillax" and let it go. Harder said than done though!
There are certain things I'm picky about (the way music sound is one of them), but overall, I'd like to think that I'm pretty laid back about most things. However, I'm sure those who know me would have other things to say about that.
I'm like that also. It used to be REALLY bad, but I've since chilled out quite a bit since getting hitched.
It took a very long time for me (and I don't think I ever totally got there) to not want to control everything in the household. When my husband would bring up a bag of garbage from the basement I would want an itemized list of what he was throwing away. And then I would get upset over silly little things. When I was recovering from surgery and my MIL came to stay with us, I pushed myself out of bed to make his lunch...just so I could be in control. I fear I ended up driving her out of the house. I mellowed over the last 5 years but could still get pretty controlling at times. But then, so did he. Nothing is ever perfect. I hope you are feeling lots better. And thank you so much for your thoughts and your words. They have helped.
Hugs, Laura
Wait to the kids come along, Cherry, then all of your best layed plans of perfectionand control will go flying past you in the rear view mirror! If you think it is hard to train a husband, then just wait...
I do things in my own picky way. As an example, I clean a room from the door, going right to left, ending back at the door. When Julie and Richard started helping, they didn't do it that way. As a matter of fact, not only didn't they do it the way I do it, they didn't do it as well at first. And I believe that parents and kids should work side by side, so I couldn't just go in the other room.
And then I learned that resisting something makes it last longer. And I found that if I "turned into the skid" and let my mind go even further along the path it wanted to take, I got over it. Instead of trying not to care, I told myself how truly awful it was that they weren't doing things my way, and made a mental list of all of the disasters that were going to ensue because of it and how they were plotting to get me and just exaggerated no end -- and it got so silly that I almost laughted out loud. And now, I can share an office with someone who is a slob and not even notice. That's her side of the room, and I don't have to clean it or worry about it.
Hi Cherry,
This is my first time reading your blog. I found it through Karen MEG. I love this posting! I can see from the other comments you got, that everyone recognizes themselves in this. I think it is a girl thing, personally. I do the exact same thing with my husband. On good days, I have more leeway, but while PMS-ing...watch out!
I will definitely be checking in again. :)
Heidi
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