The decorations are up and the sales have begun, but I'm not a big gift giver and I still am drawn to the urge of getting out there with everyone else. I am not a big nick knacker and try to only give a gift because I have found something that speaks to me that this person must have or I like to give something I know they would use. Sometimes this happens around a holiday or a birthday, and sometimes it happens randomly.
I started baking for Christmas gifts when I was a kid and over the years, these cookie gifts became actually more expensive then buying store bought gifts but I felt like I was giving a part of myself to my friends and family and could more accurately express my emotions through my cooking. After all food = love!
Well, not everyone sees these cookies as a gift. They've almost become expected. I realize that everyone has different gifting views and traditions so it's difficult for me when I want to give in a non-traditional way.
So last year I started knitting and had planned out all of these gifts I was going to make over the next year. It's now November and I haven't finished a single one. I feel both an internal and external pressure to be able to give a gift which isn't gone in a few bites and can be wrapped in paper and put under a tree. But I don't want to become that aunt or grandma who gives those gifts that she thinks are GREAT but aren't really received well. I was one of those kids who totally didn't appreciate the time and effort put into a handmade gift, so I don't expect much more, so should I bother?
This is a really tender spot for me because I want to please people and to make them happy, and frankly I want to be loved and accepted. I realize a gift does not make or break the love but there is still this psychological thing in there that makes me want to throw aside my values to please others. I don't know if I am projecting or if the number of gifts and how big they are is really as important as it seems but it sure feels like it.