And then I was hoping to take a little time every day this week to post some jealousy inducing photos of us in Kauai, and of us having a fantastic dinner with a Bloggy friend and her new hubby, and all sorts of stories of memories and gaggy lovey dovey type posts. But instead I've been silent and have been staying away from the computer mostly.
Last year, we established that I am a verbal processor. Luckily for me I am able to process stuff by typing things out or actually talking them through. Great! Good thing I have a blog so I can do all the typing I want. Talking about it... if you ask, I will tell, no problem. But for some reason turning on the computer and starting to write this one down has been more difficult.
Is this beyond the lines of privacy? Is this something anyone cares to read? I'm all about the TMI but this'll be WAY TMI for most so why write it? And biggest of all for me right now, I hate the pitty. I am in self-pitty mode, and I hate it. HATE IT. And the depression begins to slip in so I've got to start typing. Besides, this is going to dominate my thoughts for a few years, so I should really get it out there.
(I took a break from writing this post and caught up on lots of blogs...Hello? Start already.)
This is the picture I have to share instead of the glorious Kauai sunset (It's kinda the same effect, no?)
My new hubby relaxing on our Honeymoon:
(TMI STARTS NOW)
The best nourishment EVER! It totally hit the spot!
I had mentioned to J at the wedding rehearsal (the previous Friday) that I wasn't feeling too hot, was bleeding more then I should be and thinking I should call the advise nurse. I figured they'd just tell me to rest, drink fluids, increase my iron, and I could do all of that without making the call.... well, except the resting bit because after all I'm getting married here!
So little stupid me hemorrhaged all through my rehearsal. I figured eh, it's just another shitty, heavy period due to the fibroids we found last year, which was technically correct, but HELLO! Hemorrhaging, NOT GOOD!. And let's just throw in "PORTA POTTIES" to the fun.
Oddly enough, "things" slowed down after we got to our rehearsal dinner 1 1/2 hour late, as we were getting a talking to by our officiant about not having my vows finalized and stamped with a seal of approval before our rehearsal, and not taking the ceremony seriously and paying attention to all of the wrong things, all the while I'm begging him to give me a break as I was feeling like crap and "bleeding down my leg" (which I wasn't and was a poor choice of an exaggeration, but strangely enough that did not phase him and he continued with the lecture, I continued with the tears, and after excusing our friends and family to go to the dinner and a little break we resumed talking things through, timing our walks, and all was hunky dory -- sort of).
We arrived at our rehearsal dinner to friends and family, and with smiles on our faces we played host to the dessert portion of our dinner.
Of course, being the procrastinator I am, I still had some things to take care of the night before the wedding, namly the flowers, the vow finishing up, and packing for the day and the night after. Thankfully Eric stayed with me to help instead of going to the hotel we had booked for him, and he called and explained to the hotel (who did not charge us and held the room for us to still checked in early the next morning to do the "Getting ready" photos).
After the high priority items were complete (around 4am), I closed my eyes for a few hours as Eric stayed up finalizing our playlists. At 6am I got up a little shaky and after feeding the cats, I collapsed on the stairs sobbing. Apparently I was looking rather green, but Eric didn't tell me and he rubbed my back, got me some water and some chocolate to nibble on and then the adrenaline kicked in. I felt nothing wrong but excitement and joy. Bags packed, lists checked off, I headed to the Salon to meet J and start MY DAY.
Sure I was having a hard time breathing, and I was tired, and a little shaky, and I was forcing myself to nibble on my favorite treat, an almond croissant J brought to me, but little determined me was going to have her day! and it was QUITE the day! LOVE, JOY, FAMILY, FRIENDS, TEARS, LAUGHTER, all that I had hoped the day would be. (good photos will follow soon...) and too boot, the bleeding had stopped.
Until Sunday night...and on to Monday, TUESDAY, CRAP.... ok maybe I'll call the nurse now.
And that's why on Wednesday, Eric and I ventured to talk to an OB/GYN, who sent me to the ER, and there we spent the first night after our families went home as I received 4 units of blood, got a little color back in my face, and got the news that one of my fibroids is now the size of a baby's head and I must have surgery if we ever might possibly want to conceive, and advised not to fly over the Pacific Ocean to an island where I'm gonna wanna do more then lay in bed.
So here I am, PISSED OFF! AWAKE all night after a visit with a second OB/GYN with the same opinion, trying not to take it out on my new Hubby (which I already have), trying to come to terms with the possibility that my uterus may never be able to hold a child, and will not be able to go to term as they are already recommending a c-section prematurely IF things get that far, if we are to ever be able to conceive, if I still have my uterus after the surgery.
Scheduling your worst nightmare sucks.