I had my pre-op appointment yesterday and I think it went pretty well. I got to ask the questions I needed to ask, we both gained even more confidence in my doctor and her abilities, and were able to leave the appointment actually looking forward to the surgery date and getting to the healing part. She explained the hows and the whys and what to expect all along the way. She was real, and honest, at the same time compassionate to our worries and desire for future fertility.
Can I tell you how oddly "normal" it is becoming to be in such a compromising position? No longer do they need to say "Skoot. Skoot. Just a little further..." and I think Eric is even getting used to seeing me in "that" position and having a doctor's head "down there". He even handled hearing about the details of the procedure, where he would have likely passed out a month ago.
I also talked to her about how uncomfortable I have been and she said there isn't really anything I can do about it. I haven't been able to sleep through the night, my pants don't fit (maternity pants are an option but totally depress me since... I'm not pregnant), I have to pee ALL the time, the constipation, the heartburn, OH the HEARTBURN! I don't know if this is like some of the physical aspects of a pregnancy without the morning sickness, but it kinda sucks. I'm not looking forward to the pain of recovery, but I am totally looking forward to how I'll feel afterwards. The surgery date has moved around a bit, and this final date is about a month away, and I can't wait!
The most difficult thing was actually hearing her say I will never experience labor. Sure hearing the risks of infection, blood transfusions and hysterectomy were there too, but I had already fully known those. Due to the surgery compromising my uterus, if I were to get pregnant and make it to the 3rd trimester, they will schedule a premature c-section. How premature would depend on how everything is going. Multiple doctors had talked to me about having an early c-section because of the fibroids even without the myomectomy, so I KNEW about it, but no one ever said, "You will never go through labor".
So why did hearing it, in those words, finally get through to me?
I'm not really upset, more disappointed and am coming to terms with it the more I think about it. Better to know now then to have it be a surprise and an emergency, eh?
I've described how I feel in a bazaar way:
It's kinda like my desire to go to Las Vegas. I've never been, and even though I don't gamble, I hate the smoke, I don't really want to pay the prices, I still want to go... to experience it.
Plenty of women have c-sections, and after having one they often deliver all future babies the same way. Do they feel like they've missed out on some amazing part of being a woman and a mother?