Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I'm Sorry that Date isn't Good for Me

We have been putting off planning our wedding for far too long. We have too many family and friends who we would like there, that have to travel so we know we need to let them know as far in advance as possible to allow for vacation time and travel planning. This week we have been trying to solidify our guest list, general details and the big one.. the DATE.

I know we can't make everyone happy, and traveling for a weekend or more for someone else is expensive and sometime sucks, but it's OUR WEDDING!

We'd also like to see these people as much as possible, so if they can be there before the wedding it would be ideal so we can leave for our honeymoon a day or so after. But if we butt the day up too close to school getting out, then people want to stay after and can't come sooner.

My ideal wedding is too expensive for the guests and included expensive lodging and rental cars and much driving, plus flights and a lot of time. We can't afford to pay for everyone, so that dream went out the window. So we are trying to stay more local for us, which will still include flights for many, rental cars, and such, but not as much driving time and slightly cheaper lodging. The whole wedding/honeymoon is going on credit so we're trying to balance dreams with reality. It sucks!

And then there is the guest list. Ranking your friends is not fun, and it forces you to come to terms with friendships that have ended or have waned to the point that when it comes down to numbers you have to cut them.

Perhaps we want too much for our day.
Perhaps we want too many people there.
Perhaps we are too stubborn on who we want there.
Perhaps we are trying to be too accommodating.
Perhaps eloping is a REALLY GOOD IDEA! but then we'd have to pick out witnesses and all hell breaks loose again.

Many of you have gone through this experience. What advice or stories do you have to share?


Liz said...

"Perhaps we are trying to be too accommodating."

Yep. That's the one.

Just try to stay calm and remember the whole point of the day... TO GET MARRIED... Not to please everybody else. It's your day--make the right choices for the two of you.

Starshine said...

I agree. This is your wedding, which means that you get to do it your way. And if people get their feelings hurt by your decision, that is their issue. They will need to look past their hurt feelings are remember that it is your wedding and not theirs.

Oh, and please feel free to remind me that I told you the above when I am asking for the same advice, oh, next week. ;)

lalunas said...

Pick the date you want and share your wedding day the way you want to. It is yours and E's day, have fun and don't stress about your guests they are there to support and celebrate your wedding day.

J said...

I know someone who received an invitation last week, and it was just horrid..."We have too many friends, and not enough money, so we've decided to have a lottery for guests...we would love money gifts to pay for our honeymoon...we won't allow late guests, doors will be locked at X:00..." etc. etc. Just about as cheap and horrid as possible.

That doesn't help you much, but the battle of how to pay for what you want is one that is true for so many of us. My advice is to decide what is the most it to have everyone you want there, even if it gets really big that way? Maybe a potluck is the answer. (Don't laugh, I've been to one, and it was really nice. Casual, but nice.) Is it to have a certain location, and a catered meal? Maybe then you have to bite the bullet and pare down your list. Is it to get through it without debt? Then probably eloping is the answer.

That's not very helpful, but I guess my advice is to try to prioritize which is the most important for you, what your budget it, and go from there. If someone doesn't get to be there, even (gulp) if it's's your day, and even then, the marriage is more important than the wedding.

ML said...

I got married over two years ago, so all this wedding stuff is still fairly fresh in my mind.

Do what makes the two of you happy. It's your wedding and marriage, so you get to do it your way :)

beenzzz said...

I agree. You should do it your way. This day is for the two of you to remember and treasure for the rest of your lives. When D. and I got married, it was a small wedding of maybe 50 people. Believe it or not, it was still a bit stressful, but I have very fond memories of it and always will.

Py Korry said...

I agree with everyone who has commented! I think you need to do what's going to make both of you happy.

Gina said...

Agreed with all that is said above, but being the outspoken person that I am, I have to add one thing.

If this is going to all be charged on your credit card, I would think twice about how much you are going to spend. Your wedding day is very special, but do you really want to be paying for it years down the line?

We spent about 14,000 on our wedding, and that was mostly in cash, and we got a lot of deals. I think we charged maybe a thousand. In hindsight, we wish we would not have spent that much money. It would have been better to save that money for more of a down payment on our house or a fab, fab vacation instead of just the few hours. Don't get me wrong, they were wonderful, but people tend to focus too much on the wedding and not enough on the actual marriage!

If we could go back and do it again, we would elope.

Just my total two cents and feel free to totally disagree!

J said...

I'm with Gina. Debt sucks. We spent maybe 4K on ours...I think including a honeymoon in Europe. How, I have no idea.