Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Still Waiting....

Thank you to everyone who have called, emailed, messaged, commented and to those who have kept us in your thoughts. We are still keeping really close to home and honestly, I just don't know how I'm going to react if I see someone who knows what we are dealing with. Not seeing people is letting me stay in my bubble of feeling like I'm coping and dealing and all of that. I suppose I'll find out soon enough because we'll be spending the holidays with Eric's family.

I would especially like to thank the friends who have shared their experiences with me and those who have allowed me to share my experience with them. So few people talk about miscarriage... which I TOTALLY get, but you see I'm a "verbal processor" and I always seem to need to talk and talk and talk in great detail of what I'm dealing with and what I should expect. Even just knowing that people have gone through this has helped a great deal. In a way I feel so alone, but every person who has shared their story with me also have kids.... which again gives us great hope. This is a time when friends have been so utterly important.

So we are still here, and still just waiting. While yesterday was what I thought was going to be my hell day, the day of pain I experienced stopped in the evening without anything happening and I have a feeling what I experienced is so minor compared to what "it" could really be like. Thankfully doctors like to prescribe narcotics so is tolerable and I'm thankful our neighbors work during the day so they don't think someone is being beaten over here. Drugs are weird though as didn't expect I would want to giggle and run around with my arms flailing wildly 25 minutes after popping a pill. The pain still shows through which keeps me pretty grounded to the couch all day long. Oh wait.. that's where I've been for the last week. Today has been constant lower level pain with the occasional moment of being doubled over with a squeal, but still nothing is really happening. In a way I'm sort of getting used to the waves of pain, but mostly I'm just done with it all.

With that I need to also put out some ginormous kudos to my husband. While a tad bit of hovering has been going on, this is his way of coping. He's protecting me and providing for me anyway I let him. I'm such an independent person, so sometimes it's hard for me to accept help. I'm working on it though. He's been completely awesome and I hope I have been able to provide the emotional support he needs as well.

I just want to move past this all day pain. Just waiting to move on.


Karen MEG said...

Oh, Cherry, I'm just catching up (I won't go on about my own little blip of excitement over the weekend)...and I am just so sorry to hear this news! I know that you were anxious to get started on your family after the eventful way you started your marriage. I also had a little feeling by what wasn't being posted on your blog. Call it a mother's intuition.

I've never had a miscarriage, although my mother had a couple, and I have friends who went through it (my issue was not being able to get pregnant), so I cannot say that I know exactly what you're going through. I wish I could be there to talk with you through it, though, if that would help in any way at all.

But know that it is indeed a good thing that you were able to conceive. You've got a great attitude, you really do. I have a girlfriend who now has two beautiful healthy children, after miscarrying.

I hope your pain subsides soon... and let hubby hover, he's allowed to be anxious. After all, there's no one more important than you, right?

Hugs to you across the miles...

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

This state of painful limbo is horrid. And I know what you mean about not being sure you want to see people. That's how I was with losing my mom. I could fool myself that I was OK, but then if I saw people they would hug me and start me off. Sigh.

I hope this is but a distant memory very soon, and you have your beautiful baby in your arms.

Ted said...

This is such an emotional roller coaster time, Cherry. Saying how sorry I am that you and Eric are going through this doesn't really convey how I feel for you guys. But like Julie said, I hope this is a distant memory soon.