As I watched this year's Biggest Loser Finale last night, I realized that every week while I watch this show I eat my most crappiest meal of the week, and tend to overeat as well. And, quite often my therapy sessions are on the same night as Biggest Loser, so I'm getting home late and justify stopping at Panda Express to get me a fast, yummy, and comforting meal.
Of course this meal is also at least twice the size I would eat if I made dinner at home, and 1/3 of the meal is deep fried, because how can I not get the Orange Chicken! Granted I do get veggies instead of rice or noodles, but that doesn't mean I need to eat all of the spicy sweet fried morsels of chicken even though I know I'm already full and WILL PAY in about an hour when I lay down to go to bed.
I look down at my Styrofoam tray after I have eaten all of the veggies, and the tofu and eggplant I always get. I look at the pile of yummy chicken goodness I always leave to last because I am the type that saves my favorite. I always think that maybe I'll leave some for leftovers and really I shouldn't eat it all because it is the most unhealthy thing on my plate. And then I dive in.
Oh my goodness it's so good. And of course I'm watching TV all the while and not really paying attention to how full I'm getting. And then there are 4-5 pieces left. Enough to be a fine dinner the next night if I stir fry up some veggies. But do I really want to dirty up a storage thingy with these five pieces? Plus they'll get soggy. And the justification continues, and just like that they are gone.
I eat like this as I sit there watching and crying along with these people I'm watching on TV who are changing their lives to be healthier for themselves and their families. The trainers look to the camera and say "You can do it too, and you don't need to wait until January 1st. Start now!". Yea yea yea, just let me finish my yummy chicken and then I'll start.
Over the last year I have been trying to learn when to stop eating, to recognize emotional eating, and to generally just be more aware of what I'm putting into my body. When I first started this process I admit I was a little obsessive about it, even though the primary goal wasn't to loose weight but more to change my eating habits and to take the time for myself. The goal was to change myself before I have kids so that healthy eating and moving was natural and not a big deal. Eric also calls this process 'de-toxing' and 'baby prep'.
Sure, it's easier when the motivation is for someone else, or towards some other goal, but really I'm learning how to love me and to want to do this for me first. But damn, that Orange Chicken is really good.