Last week I was worried for one friend who's family was displaced due to a wildfire threatening her childhood home. The next day I learned sad news from another friend about loosing her father and worrying about how she is doing. Today I learned sad news from yet another friend about loosing her mother, and I worry about how to be a friend for her during this time of grief and healing. For the last week I have been worried about my own mother's 2 week travel plans which begins tomorrow (see, worrying before I have anything to worry about), and today I learn she is planning another trip this summer, Oy! You fold in the ridiculous amounts of worry I give to work and no wonder I also worry about the frown lines which grow deeper between my eyebrows each night. (I actually get up in the middle of the night to put more de-wrinkling cream on them if I have had a worried filled sleep).
Today I worried about backing up our dying computer, but not wanting to spent too much money but worried about buying the wrong solution. I worried about the fact we haven't paid off our wedding debt even though our anniversary is next week or figured out our joint finances let alone filed our last year's taxes. I worried about feeding our cats a high carb dry food diet which might give them diabetes and researched a better alternative. Which then lead to down a long road of worrying about their teeth, their colons, their kidneys and their general happiness to be indoor kitties.
I have known for a long time that I am a worrier, but I have been finding that my worries seem to be much of what I think about. If I were to be more mindful of my worries, I think I'd worry I was worrying too much, which I guess I worry about. So for now, I accept my worries as part of my heart and part of my chaos. I honestly don't know who I'd be if I didn't worry.