A few people have written about loosing weight, getting in shape, and generally being healthy today so I will go ahead and jump on the train.
I have been in self-hate mode for a few days now. Perhaps it's the realization that I will be in many photographs coming up, and will be put into dress after dress to find the best one for me and my body. While going to wedding websites and reading wedding books and magazines, I am bombarded by the media's view of beauty along with lots of "Wedding Dress Shape-up" tips and advice.
Yes, I look down and I don't like my thighs, belly and butt. I see jeans that I bought not too long ago in a larger size showing signs that its time to go shopping again. Some of the changes in my body are due to the fibroids and I'm starting to understand and accept those. But they aren't the cause of the stretch in the jeans being put to the test around the backside and thighs.
I know that I'm not "fat" (whatever that means), but I do know that my body is changing and I'm not healthy cardiovascularly. I break into a sweat and heavy breathing when I walk up the very slight hill in the parking lot or the 1 flight of stairs at home. Whether its due to the lack of exercise or to my metabolism changing, (or both) I know that if I want to be healthier, I need to get to the gym, or walk at lunch, or do anything other then walk from the door to the car and back. I've been mindful of what I eat, and understanding that sometimes a buffet of catered food at the office is ok to splurge on occasionally, but I really should not have a biscotti or baklava just because its there and free (although it was REALLY GOOD! I was going to take a picture of the baklava today to post here... but I seems to have disappeared.)
I used to be very active. I used to hike multiple times a week, and dance dance dance. But the last few years I have lost the drive. I want to get it back. I need to get it back. I will get it back.