While being back at work doesn't mean I automatically will have time for blogging you know since I'm WORKING, but I would like to start jotting down little bits and pieces more often and I hope being in front of a computer most of the day will give me the opportunity better than when I was on leave and very rarely sat down at all unless there was a baby attached to me boob (Arrrrrg - sometimes the pirate just has to come out).
I've been back at work for a week and a half now and that first week wasn't so bad. It was sort of like a little break from the all day long baby care of the last 6 months. I enjoyed having somewhere to go, a reason to shower and get dressed and to get out of the house. Eric is home with LilMiss so he's getting to learn some new daddy tricks and getting more comfortable with his role as the primary care giver, but I think he misses the freedom he had while I was home.
I have been going home to feed her at noon when my schedule permits, and there were a few days Eric brought her to me after her afternoon nap. Those were nice little breaks but I don't foresee them continuing long term. I also took a day off last week as she had her 6 month appointment (HOW IS SHE ALREADY 6 MONTHS OLD?) so really it felt like I had a short week.
Today though. Today was hard to leave her. I had the total Sunday blues last night where I just wanted to hold and cuddle her as I didn't feel I got enough during the weekend. Plus, I'm really really tired. Between getting shots last week and the time change this weekend, and she's doing this new thing at night where she goes to sleep easy but wakes up frequently for the first four hours wanting to be held and cuddled and really, anything but be put back into her bed. She has been sleeping in our bed more in the last week than ever before. Not really the trend I want to start especially since I am planning on transitioning her to her own room and crib really really soon.
So I guess this is my new life. The life of a working mom, a bread winner, an always tired, never enough time woman who's just going to have to let go of the word "perfect".
tee hee - I just called myself both a mom and a woman. I all growed.
5 comments:
oh sweetie. how i know how this feels like i told you earlier today. our first daughter who's 7 now slept with us til she was 5 1/2 and the baby who's almost 2 still does. it's the guilt i guess of always being gone. you know my husband has the total opposite shift than i do but we're both gone from the girls a lot so we look forward to the family bed at night. don't beat yourself up too much about that. and we're at least gone cause we're at work providing for them. hugs.
If it's any comfort at all (and it may not be), this is far more difficult on you than it is on her. She is still at home with a loving parent, she misses you, but not in the way you miss her, because she doesn't have a real concept of the future and time and all of that. She misses you, yes, but you both miss her and know what you're missing. Sigh.
You're setting a wonderful example for her, of a loving mother who is smart and strong and can support the family. At least, that's what I told myself when I left mine to go to work when she was little. For me, it didn't really get easier until she started going to school, and I saw how much she was getting from it, and admitted to myself that even if I were home, I would want her there at least part time.
This transition is tough, whether they be 6 months or six years... I'm still dealing with it.
I think that's awfully sweet that baby girl still sleeps in your bed. My kids are too big now, and I miss it sometimes. When hubs is away, I'll have the kids sleep with me in my room, and that's as close as we can get now (so I don't get kicked in the head and elsewhere with all the thrashing :)
I agree with Julie - you are a great example for baby girl. Kids adjust and adapt, and this is what she will know. I struggle daily about the balance, but I know they're all right, and have a certain respect for me now that I'm at work. It's hard to explain, but I think it's there.
hang in there, it will get better.
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My dear Cherry, you're all "growed up"! :) ;)
I know how you feel, sista. I took the first year and a half off so I could be with Little One. Going back to work was HARD. This said, we've gotta make a livin', yes?
I think it's awesome that Eric is able to spend so much time with LilMiss! I cannot believe the months have flown by so quickly! Crazy!
Big squeezes for that munchkin of yours.
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