Thursday, April 09, 2009

Whine Party

Today I took a half day off from work as I had scheduled a fun fun GYN procedure in the afternoon. I knew it had the potential to be upsetting, painful and that I very well may want to crawl into bed for the rest of the day.


Today I had a Saline Sonogram. It isn't super invasive and the uncomfortableness isn't long lasting but it still sucked! This procedure was to look into the insides of 'lady land' to see the reason for the multiple miscarriages. I had a myomectomy 1.5 years ago to remove 2 large fibroid tumors from my uterus which could result in scaring and I also knew that I could have fibroid regrowth. This procedure would hopefully give us a clearer picture as to what is going on in there today.

Many of you ladies who have had early ultrasounds during pregnancy or who have had other reason to look into lady land, are familiar with the not so fun transvaginal ultrasound. I've had lots of these thanks to having fibroids and an ectopic pregnancy and all the fun around those beauties. This sonogram is like that one, but they also insert a catheter and fill you up with saline so they can see a contrast. Basically you expect some cramping and discomfort. Which yea... sucked and I totally should have listened to the advice the great Internets gave me which was to take pain meds ahead of time.

The thing that isn't sitting well with me was the infertility clinic NP who performed the procedure. My doctor had planned on being there but was out sick today. Since my doctor wasn't there the NP asked me for my history so she knew what she was looking for. She seemed shocked at all I'd been through which didn't sit well with me that she was unaware of my case. She didn't explain the procedure and just started.

TMI alert!

#1 - the speculum was too big and she was ROUGH! Let's just say I am still uncomfortable. I've had painful experiences with the torture devise known as the speculum, but this was ridiculous pain.

#2 - The pain around the filling of the uterus was expected from my internet reading but I am still in shock that she didn't explain anything. I mostly felt terrible for Eric as he sat by me wincing every time I made a peep. I am generally a very quiet patient with a high pain tolerance but I could not just lay there today.

#3 - I was already upset about the potential outcome of this procedure because while this would hopefully give us some answers to the miscarriages, this would also tells us the next steps which could include surgery to remove more fibroids and/or scar tissue. So as she was pointing to things on the screen and saying 'that looks like scar tissue', 'there is a fibroid', 'there is another fibroid' , she suddenly said "OH! Look at THAT!" which you never want to hear while in such a precarious position. Those ultrasound images are hard to read if you don't know what you are looking at (I include myself in the not knowing crowd), but then she said "it looks all spider webby in there!", which of course I can't see but ok, that doesn't sound good. She said based on my history she is thinking it is scar tissue from the surgery but my doctor will have to do a hysteroscopy to know for sure (basically sticking a camera all up in my business to see more stuff).
My general opinion is that this kind of news, especially in an infertility clinic, should not be delivered in such a manner and fully feel that if my doctor was there that this experience would have been different.

#4 - When we talked about the ectopic pregnancy she asked if I had an HSG test yet, and when I said no and she was surprised. Then she asked what my treatment was for the ectopic, which was methotrexate injections, and she said, "You do know not to get pregnant for 3 months, right?" which is not what my doctor said. Again, I don't think that exchange would have happened like that if my doctor was in the room.

So now we know there are more issues in lady land. AWESOMENESS!

After the appointment, we got a late lunch because I couldn't eat anything this morning out of being too crazed with work stuff to take the time. So we went to a nearby diner which we had never been to and I drowned my fears, pain and sorrow in a giant strawberry milkshake which had fresh strawberries and really good vanilla ice cream and wasn't too sweet, a giant helping of french fries which might have been the most potatoey and yummy french fries ever, and a big bacon cheeseburger (ahh yea, you know what I'm talking about!) with thick cut bacon, and a cleary hand patted patty that was at least an inch thick. Eric had eaten lunch already so he enjoyed a housemade bearclaw, many of my fries and we split the shake.
Black Bear Diner -- Check it!

After getting home, I basically slept the rest of the day away (since I had worked until 2am a few nights in a row, I think it was well needed)

So that's the current update in the adventure of me and my dreams of being a parent. I used to believe that being a parent was the whole point to my life, and while my experience with fibroids and lots of therapy has helped me adjust my perspective and accept that I'm ok as is, the dream is still alive but the pressure isn't as great (all the time).


Autumn's Mom said...

I'm so sorry for your experience. I can not fathom such careless and no bedside manner in a place where people are so vulnerable. She's a douche. I had a bad experience when I found out I was pregnant. The lady was SO ROUGH that I actually made her stop and I left without completing the appointment. It was so bad I thought it was going to make me have a miscarriage right there.

I know the road has been incredibly hard. We're always here for you. I totally believe in miracles...timing...things we can't understand...I'm still praying that your dream will come true. ((hugs))

Gina said...

Oh Cherry, that does indeed sound like a very rough and unpleasant appointment. I'm sorry your doc wasn't there, and you are right to be a bit resentful that this stranger was saying and doing all this crappy stuff.

And listen, speculums are the instruments of the Devil, I tell you. You would think some woman would have come up with something a little more comfortable by now, right? I mean, even a little padding or something, geez.

Starshine said...

Wow, what a day. That NP needs to work on her bedside manner! I hope you'll be feeling better soon, and that your dream of parenthood will be fulfilled in the near future.

Love and a big bear hug!

(Sorry...that deleted comment was me, but I didn't realize Hubs was logged into blogger, so it showed up as him.)

J at said...

Oh crap, honey, what a bullshit experience to have to go through! I'm so very sorry. :( And I hope that this crap can be resolved soon, because I want to hold your very cute baby asap.

C said...

Oh, Cherry! I have been thinking of you A LOT lately. Sorry to hear about the unpleasant experience. I hate speculums, internals, and other "girlie" procedures. I've got to go for a PAP test next week. Fun.

Thinking of you always and when you do have your little one, you will be the best mom ever.

Did the parcel I sent you and J ever arrive? I sent one to Jeanna @ Wisconsin Candy Dish and she got hers last week.

Laura said...

I hope you know how much I think about you and pray that someday that dream comes true for you. Nik, my daughter, lost a tube and an ovary to PCOD last year, and stands on the brink of losing the other... and it just sucks, and it's not right.

Yes, the filling of the bladder... Who thought up that one? It took forever for my bladder to drain too. Sorry for TMI. Hugs, HUgs, Hugs,

C said...

Cherry, I was just thinking of you today. Did you finally get the parcel I sent? I've got something for you on my blog. XO

Karen MEG said...

Oh Cherry, that NP was such a turd! Honestly, and working in an infertility clinic, where emotions are so fragile already, she really needs an attitude adjustment; or at least learn to keep her trap shut. My experience has always been just the opposite ... pulling teeth to find out what they see.

Yes, the joys of trying to become a parent, I know them well. Invasive is the operative word... I'm sorry it was so painful.

Yeah, an HSG would be a logical test, but that, again, involves injecting dye up into the plumbing... and more pain, even though they tell you not really. So if you go that route (which may help unblock blocked tubes), beware.

Hugs to you as you're going through this, sweetie. My sister had a myomectomy and did get pregnant despite the odds, a couple years later. Be hopeful.


Starshine said...

Hi Cherry,

Hope you're doing well. Have a great weekend!

Tracy said...

Hi Cherry,

How are you?

Miss you!


C said...

Me again! Cherry, I have been thinking of you TONS the past few days.

I was shocked to read that the NP performed the procedure! Wow.

I hate anything invasive like that. Sorry to hear about the rough and unpleasant experience :(
Then again, if you enjoyed getting a speculum up your hoo-ha, then I'd be worried ;) Okay. Not funny.

Sending hugs your way! XO

Tracy said...

Hi Cherry Bear,

Just thinking of you and hoping you are well!