Ok, so how many people think I'm crazy? I'm 32 years old, and excited about experiencing PMS. Hell, I'm so freakin' excited that I (sorry Ted and anyone sensitive to TMI), I got my period today. Right when I expected, based on the day I stopped taking birth control.
I know most of you out there who are reading this have had a lifetime of having normal cycles or have successfully gotten pregnant years ago, so this may not sound exciting to you and I completely understand if you don't come back to read again, because clearly I am loony to be excited.
I have been on birth control since I was 15 years old. That is 17 years of not letting my own body determine how to manage its hormones. That is most of my reproductive years not really knowing my own body's rhythm. And for the last 10 or so years, that has been me worried about if my body would be able to come back to "normal" and still know what its supposed to do. Worried that I'm waiting too long to find out if I can carry to term (my mom had a number of miscarriage and then high-risk pregnacies). Always worried.
And on top of not knowing my body... I have felt like I've been in an emotional cloud for a long time, years, perhaps a decade or more. Always freaking out about this or that. Over emotional about any little thing. It became normal. It became me. Drama... that is how many people describe my life. Perhaps, I have had constant PMS for many years. I'm sure my friends may think so. So after having 3 weeks of this amazing calm and feeling of level headedness, I think its so cool to feel the difference of a more emotional day.
Today, I feel the weight of cramps, and the burden of knowing I have something else to think about and deal with for the next week -- hopefully only a week this time-- but my head feels clear again. Right now... I'm not worried. Right now I'm practically frolicking and joyful of the ability to experience life as a woman. (tee hee... I said I'm a woman. My therapist will be so proud).