Friday, September 08, 2006

I'm a WOMAN

Ok, so how many people think I'm crazy? I'm 32 years old, and excited about experiencing PMS. Hell, I'm so freakin' excited that I (sorry Ted and anyone sensitive to TMI), I got my period today. Right when I expected, based on the day I stopped taking birth control.

I know most of you out there who are reading this have had a lifetime of having normal cycles or have successfully gotten pregnant years ago, so this may not sound exciting to you and I completely understand if you don't come back to read again, because clearly I am loony to be excited.

I have been on birth control since I was 15 years old. That is 17 years of not letting my own body determine how to manage its hormones. That is most of my reproductive years not really knowing my own body's rhythm. And for the last 10 or so years, that has been me worried about if my body would be able to come back to "normal" and still know what its supposed to do. Worried that I'm waiting too long to find out if I can carry to term (my mom had a number of miscarriage and then high-risk pregnacies). Always worried.

And on top of not knowing my body... I have felt like I've been in an emotional cloud for a long time, years, perhaps a decade or more. Always freaking out about this or that. Over emotional about any little thing. It became normal. It became me. Drama... that is how many people describe my life. Perhaps, I have had constant PMS for many years. I'm sure my friends may think so. So after having 3 weeks of this amazing calm and feeling of level headedness, I think its so cool to feel the difference of a more emotional day.

Today, I feel the weight of cramps, and the burden of knowing I have something else to think about and deal with for the next week -- hopefully only a week this time-- but my head feels clear again. Right now... I'm not worried. Right now I'm practically frolicking and joyful of the ability to experience life as a woman. (tee hee... I said I'm a woman. My therapist will be so proud).

5 comments:

Py Korry said...

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes I'm glad I'm a guy. Women are complex (probably that's why I like talking to women), but I think with the complexity of thought women give to many thing in life it comes with having bodies that are quite complex, too.

I would say I'm happy for you, but having a period doesn't sound like much of a party to me. But I can see with all that you've got through, getting to know your body probably gives you a sense of control over your life. And for that, I'm happy for you! :-)

J said...

So you know how I very rarely get my period, right? I recently found a journal that I had started before the blog, and in it, I was talking about how I had gotten my period, and how it was kind of nice in a way...a "red tent" kind of way, because I felt crampy and off, and I took a day to just hang around and read books and watch tv, and not be in such a dang hurry all the time. I could have done without the pain, but really, without that feeling, I wouldn't have slowed down like I did. That was my brief glimpse into reality. ;) (Since I've been on the pill since I was 18, that means about 20 years of regulation for me, plus pregnancy...very little of my body doing its own thing.

laluna said...

Congrats???? It is good that you feel less sad now that you are not on the pill. Personally, I am not the biggest fan of pills of any sort.

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Gina said...

I'm glad for you that PMS is a welcome thing!

Around here, PMS is rarely heralded with such enthusiasm! ;)