Commuter Love

I am casually sitting on a crowded commuter train with people standing in the aisles. The trains are like this every morning, but usually they are pretty silent aside from the rumble of the train moving on the tracks and the occasional announcement of an upcoming station. This morning I get to sit next to 2 people arguing in the aisle and they don't even know each other.
As any regular commuter on this line knows, you kinda get over people being in your personal space. The trains jostle everyone around, people stumble, people with backpacks on forget how much space they take up, we're all in this together and USUALLY you hear apologies and everyone helps each other out.

On this morning, a lady stumbles and steps on a man's foot with her heels. He is startled, rubs his foot and says, "Man, those heels hurt!" And so it begins. She calls him a 'baby', he spouts off about manners, she says she almost fell, would he rather her fall? The man wants her to acknowledge his pain and maybe she could apologize, she tells him to drive if he can't handle crowded trains. This continues for about 5 minutes. Then all is quiet again. Oh but then a seat nearby opens up. She turns to him and says, "Hey baby, you can go sit down now". And thus it starts up again. He's trying to ignore her, but she actually gets in his face to yell at him, bending down when he does, walks around him when he turns away.
As we finally pull into the first San Francisco station, they both appear to be trying to get off the train. She turns around snarling at him, and she runs into the door and bangs her head on a metal bar. He's not the only one to smile as half of the car catches what just happened. And now, she's yelling at him again, following him down the platform running around to yell at him to his face. As the train pulls out of the station, the people in the car who had the pleasure to catch the show, start chatting about what just happened. "Someone's having a bad day!" I say.

These two people appeared to be professional adults, at least by their dress. They looked to be your average financial district worker who just want to get their work week started. I'm sure neither got up this morning with the desire to piss someone off today but they did. Whether intentional or not (well, she was obviously intentionally workin' it). But they aren't the only ones affected by their actions. We all had to witness it. I wanted to get up to leave but there was no where to go. I wanted him to leave so she would shut up, but she egged him on to move to another car, so of course he couldn't. I've seen a lot of different behaviors on these trains in the 8 years I've been commuting, but the audacity of this encounter really takes it.

Pre-Ordered!

Final Book... Pre-ordered!
I didn't know if I really wanted to wait for a package to come to my door at some point on Saturday, but did I really want to wait in line at Costco or a busy bookstore? Nope! So instead I shall sleep in, and await the knock at my door.

I'm actually not nearly as excited about this book. Perhaps too much time has gone by since the last one. Perhaps I've just lost interest. Perhaps I'm in denial that this is the end. But I'm sure as soon as that last book is in my hands I'll get all swept up in the madness once again. Crazy isn't it?

McDonald's effect on me

When I was about 5 or 6 years old, McDonald's ran a seat belt campaign, where you'd get to check off a box on a card for every time you put on your seat belt, and when the card was full (about 25 boxes) you could turn in the card for an ice cream cone or a box of cookies. I remember it was such a special day when mom would buy me a box of those Ronald McDonald and Friend's shaped cookies or a soft serve cone. I think secretly she liked to get me the cookies because she could snag a few, but the cone was ALL MINE. So being the kid who would do anything for a sweet, I was VERY excited about this little card mom showed me.

When I was little we never wore seat belts in the car. In fact, the seat belts for the back seat were under the seat, and once this card of boxes came into my life, I insisted they be pulled out. With the power of this card, I became a tyrant to the seat belt rule in the car. Every time we were in the car I'd make sure everyone had on their seat belt.

After about ohh... 5 days, I had filled up that card. Mom took me on many errands so I had many opportunities to make a habit of this new rule. And still to this day, the car does not leave PARK until everyone in the car has a seat belt on. So even though I've had many a cheeseburger, chicken nuggets, french fries and ice cream sundaes since then, I still remember that day I walked up to the counter with my full card in hand to get my ice cream. I guess McDonald's had some good effect on me as a kid.

Do it yourself dryer repair

Steps to do it yourself dryer repair when you have no idea what is really wrong and are flying by the seat of your Internet connection:

1. Get husband to pull dryer out of laundry closet (space is tight in these little condos)
2. Do lots of Internet research
3. Get totally overwhelmed by diagrams found on the net and go downstairs for some breakfast and just a little bit of TV watching (ok, more like an hour or two)
4. Open tool box husband has left for you to find VERY few tools that are helpful for this project and swear openly (since husband is gone for the day WITH the key to the tool sheds)
5. Go back downstairs to process the complexity of this task with a cool drink
6. Ok, bite the bullet and start taking the thing apart per the AWESOME picture slide show and step by step instructions found on http://www.applianceaid.com
7. Get out the vacuum because um... GROSS! (I meant to take a picture but was too disgusted and just started vacuuming). You know that lint trap thingy.... It doesn't catch it all
8. Research what parts to buy and the cost of said parts
   
9. Research how much it would cost to buy the new dryer you want
10. Call husband for his opinion on the difference of the cost of the parts vs. a new dryer, factoring in the fact that really you don't know exactly what is wrong and are only guessing and may end up breaking the dryer even more
11. Grumble at the fact that husband is not answering his cell phone or returning your call
12. Resign to the fact that your alone in this decision and off to the parts center you go.....
13. Discover at the parts store that they sell a lovely discounted dryer repair kit, DRAT now we're saving even more money
14. Decide that waiting for husband would be smart due to lack of tools and third arm
    
15. Have a cocktail
16. Show husband all of the diagrams and parts and read him the directions, because you know he won't read them himself and after all you went through all of this hard work to get the project this far
17. Assist husband in dryer repair (see, now it's a team effort so he feels special too)
18. Turn it on.... Still making noise, yet now a slightly different one but still bad, like neighbors will be calling us any minute bad. (quiet little YIPEE! and silent planning of when you can be home for the new dryer to be installed) Oh but wait... husband has an idea, just let it run to see if it "works itself out"
    
19. Husband's idea works
20. Quietly start planning what to do with the savings

In the end we replaced the Belt Drive, Idler Pully and the Support Rollers. Parts $31 + a half day of labor vs. New Machine for $400 + delivery + take away of old machine + the ever present taxes. So I guess we saved about $500 and gained the knowledge of the simplicity of the dryer design and inner workings. Fine, Husband was right, and the dryer seems to run better then it has since we've owned it.
Perhaps the stove/oven/microwave combo thingy will go out next, or maybe the dishwasher. But first we will tackle the upstairs bathroom faucet. We've been without hot water up there for over a month.

Dryer Troubles

Being the multi-tasker that I am, I often run the washer or drying while we sleep. The main benefit being that it is the coolest time of the day so the dryer isn't making the upstairs sweltering hot.

Well last night we were laying in bed getting ready for a lovely night of sleep, when suddenly there was a loud bangady bang coming from the laundry closet. It sounded just like when the washing machine gets out of balance, except I wasn't running the washing machine.... it was the dryer.

CRAP!

Just to make sure we really killed it, we tried to turn it on again, and yup, it's dead.

Deep down I've been wanting it to die as it came with condo, and it's old and only has one setting.... REALLY FREAKIN' HOT! I'm sure Eric won't let us simply go out and buy a new one, so I'll look into repairing it. It sounded like a belt has come loose, so it may be a simple repair, but I'm not going to call a repairman as I'm betting that will cost more then the machine is worth. I guess I'm going to be putting on my handy-chick hat this weekend.

Super Sweet 16

This past Sunday I found myself blowing a perfectly fine Sunday afternoon on the couch, again. What had me glued to el'glowing box this fine day you ask? Well a marathon showing of the Top 10 Most Blingest My Super Sweet 16's, followed by a really BAD movie based on the same premise, all on the master of all great television channels..... MTV.

Once I got past the shame of just what I was wasting my time doing, I then got to the questions of why do these spoiled brats demand such extravagant parties and gifts? Why do they have such a sense of entitlement? And why do I find it so fascinating to watch? Does the show actually prompt the bratty behavior or do these kids really act like this without the cameras?

Now I myself was a spoiled brat, I admit that. I did not obey my parent's rules, they didn't really enforce them, and I pretty much did what I wanted to. But I wasn't like this. I didn't cry when my mommy gave me a $45k car on my birthday instead of at my party. No, I had to work for my car, I paid for it myself, but my mom did pay for the insurance. I had my own phone line, you know a land line, not a cell phone. I didn't get an allowance because I worked, but if I did my chores my mom paid for that private phone line. All $14/month of it.

If you have more to do in your life then watch MTV, as I should, but I seem to still watch the drivel, you may not know what My Super Sweet 16 is. Basically it is a show, documenting the planning of Sweet 16 parties for the rich and bratty. Sometimes they are 15th or 18th birthday parties, but they all follow one theme... see how much your parents love you by how much money they spend on you.

I can't remember what I did on my 16th birthday, but I do know it didn't involve a car, a performing celebrity, a couture gown, catering or any sort of hall rental. I likely worked that day, and maybe hung out with some friends. Probably had some pizza.
Do you remember what you did for your Sweet 16?

More then meets the eye

Yesterday my company sponsored a little movie outing. Being the geeks that we are, we went to see 'Transformers'. Oh sure, the company was also sponsoring a sneak preview of the new Harry Potter movie as well, but that one was for customers only. HOW SUCKY!

Even though I wasn't excited about seeing a moving about alien robots who can take the form of vehicles, I went anyway since I actually really missed being part of something bigger then me and my living room couch. I of course asked if I could go to the Harry Potter movie instead, but I was encouraged to stick to the plan and leave the customers alone. Plus they might ask me work related questions and what fun is that at the movies?

I grew up with an older brother and there were plenty of days were I was out in that dirt pile with him pushing hot wheels around, and of course he had a few transformers in the mix. I know the theme song to the cartoon from back in the day, so we must have watched it. And I know the general premise to the storyline... yes, yes, I am a girl geek.

Well, surprise surprise.... the movie was pretty fun. Sure the plot was hokey, and the 2.5 hour run time was a little long, but it was actually pretty entertaining, in a geeky, throw back to the 80's sort of way. I think filling the theater with 80 of my brainy, co-workers also gave the mood of the theater a care free, go ahead and make comments if you want, light hearted fun time, sort of feel. As in all action flicks, there was the obligatory boy gets girl bit, which was totally forced. There were some cool special effects, some bad humor bits, some pretty funny ones too, and the closing 15 minutes were full of cheese. Mostly the movie was entertaining, but I was disturbed by the attack and military involvement in the middle east, and then the later attack and military action in a city setting. Although the whole premise of the movie was VERY fictional, seeing the military sequences were a little too close to home. At least the extras who were running around screaming in the city were REALLY fake and poorly done, so that dumbed up the realness of it.

And of course at the end of it all, all of the guys I saw the movie with were dissecting the details of the movie the whole bus ride back to the office. I wouldn't be surprised if the discussion continues today in the office.

I don't know if I'd pay money to see it, but I'm glad I went.

Surgery fun

I received an email from my doctor late last night, ohhh at 12:45AM. Why she is responding to email at that time of night is beyond me, but I am LOVING this whole email your doctor business. I love that I can write down all of my thoughts, and then they reply and I can re-read it as much as I need to, and can forward it to Eric so he can read it to so there is no mis-understandings or mis-interpretations. (Eric tends to not hear the whole message, but I think we all do that sometimes).

So my doctor is trying to schedule my surgery earlier then she had thought she could. I guess the doctors rotate surgery days and they have these days scheduled way in advance so when I last talked to her she knew she didn't have an opening until late August, and now she is trying to add a surgery day to her rotation to get me in earlier. Kinda scary, and kinda a relief.

Now I am trying to figure out how to apply for a medical leave and Short Term Disability, and coordinate my vacation days in there too. Since my company was recently acquired, the few HR reps that we have on-site are still learning the new company policies. This is the downfall to the big company. I can no longer just walk downstairs to have an HR rep walk me through the process. Oh no, all I get from them is a web address to go read and attempt to apply online. JOY!

Back to work

BUMMER DUDE!

Today I am back to the grind. Back to the 2 hour each way commute. Back to sitting at a desk all day, in a little room filled with brainy engineering men. Back to eating out for lunch, back to following email, and meetings and having to watch the clock. Sadly this also means no more naps, or TV, or eating dinner in my PJ's, or being able to go kiss my Lovey anytime I want to.

I suppose I will be able to get back into the swing of things pretty quickly after 3 weeks away but first I need to get my barrings and figure out all that has change.

My little company that I left a few weeks ago was acquired while I was gone. This wasn't a surprise, it was all planned out, but still things move fast in this industry, and even though I kept up on email while I was out, I'm still spending a ton of time this morning talking to people and trying to figure out where to dive back in.

Do you think anyone would notice if I were to go take a little nap this afternoon? This is the most activity I've done in weeks and I'm pooped!

Watch out for Kittens!

I live in a townhouse/condo complex with a lot of turns, twists and round-abouts in the road leading into and through the complex. I can only assume they put in such a windy road to cause people to drive more slowly. Well of course people still take the turns as fast as they can, and there is one particular turn which worries me the most.

This turn we call the kitten crossing, as twice a year, there is at least one litter of feral kittens who hang out at this corner. They cross the two lane road right at the turn, darting out from the cover of ivy on one side and a rose hedge on the other.

Thankfully I have never seen an injured kitten, but it just breaks my heart every time I do go by to see them playing in the sun, or their little heads poking out from under the roses.

(I tried to get a picture of them, but they are so darn fast!)

Does Marital Bliss Sound Like This?

So umm.... since we got married, Eric has been rather..... gassy. Not your normal occasional toot, but down right fraternity competition grade, little bit juicy sounding, forced gross.

Now I'm no prissy girl who thinks that normal bodily functions don't exist or should never happen in my presence, but this particular level of fowl behavior is new and unwanted. Granted I do tend to be a tad more sensitive to such matters after a visit with his sister, as she is of the type who don't appreciate a good belch or anything of the like, but even he admits this is beyond anything he's experienced.

I posed the question tonight, "Were you just waiting for us to get married for this to "come out"?"

Of course the question was a joke, as we are pretty "open" about things like this, but COME ON! He claims it's all the fruit he's been eating, especially the plums we keep bringing home from my parents. We're going on 2 weeks here people and I think it may be time to slip a little Beano into his morning cereal.

Duck, Duck, GOOSE!

On Tuesday, I received a call from my new doctor to tell me that one of the doctors in her group had a cancellation and I could have my surgery on Thursday.... as in today! I was rather taken back and said I felt it was too soon as long as she felt it wasn't necessary RIGHT NOW! She thankfully agreed and said she too would feel more comfortable if I had the opportunity to have a few exams and meetings with whomever my surgeon would be.

And then I posed a question to her which she kinda of weaseled out of before when I was in her office. "If your sister needed to have this surgery, and you were unavailable, who would you want to operate on her?"
Like the good HMO provider she is, she said that this is a very common procedure and that all of the physicians in the department are very capable and have plenty of experience with this surgery.
This is the exact response I expected but was still a little frustrated. I understand that being a part of this particular HMO that they play as one big team. This is exactly why my parents left this HMO when they were pregnant with me (and my twin who didn't make it), as my mother was 41 at the time. They paid for me out of their own pocket so that they would get the individual attention they felt this high-risk pregnancy deserved.

So then what do I do now? How does one "pick" their doctor/surgeon?

I actually really liked the doctor who saw me in the ER, but he works out of a hospital which is a little further away. Not THAT much further away, but just a little. He and his wife have been through multiple births and miscarriages with fibroids, so he had that personal touch and was able to talk to Eric in a way that he really heard what he had to say.

And then the doctor who I am currently with is nice, is the most requested doctor in her facility and seemed to have a great balance between honesty and bedside manor. I loved that she called me personally to talk to me about the surgery opening, and although she is forced to keep within bureaucratic rules, I still feel a trust with her.

OY!

Dear Netflix,

I'm sorry we have been neglecting you. I'm sorry the last 2 movies you sent to us have sat there in their beautiful red envelopes without a thought to when we might enjoy their contents for the last um.... 3 months. We haven't forgotten about you, we have just been busy and I know that is no excuse to turn your back on a good friend like yourself who is always right there and waiting to quickly send us a new batch of fun.

Sure, you might have heard that we went out to a movie yesterday, and you are probably dancing about all smug, knowing that our plan was foiled by the one thing that a Drive-in needs. But we needed to get out of the house. If just for a few hours.

In an attempt to make things right, we sat home tonight and enjoyed all that you had sent us those few months ago, and are eagerly awaiting what you might send us next.

Please forgive us.
Your loyal friends,
-Cherry & Eric

Maybe we should just stay home

So tonight we decided it was time we left our house to do something. Something as a couple. Oh! I know! We'll go to the movies!

We never go to movies. Ok, not never, but very rarely as we are cheap :-) so we only go if it is something I think will loose that special something by watching it at home. Also, if I go to the movies I'm going to want to by popcorn which I will eat about 5 handfuls of and then feel ill, and of course the candy is tempting, maybe even one of those hotdogs that roll around on those metal rollers... MMmmm! I do especially like the communal condiments.

But tonight, a little sick of the pitty party, we ventured out to our local Drive-In theatre which recently re-opened after many years of sad times. We got there on-time, got all situated and as I went off to get me some guaranteed heartburn, Eric RAN home to get the new super lightweight folding camp chairs we received as a wedding present. No really....he RAN home. Within 25 minutes he was back with 2 chairs and his skateboard in hand (he's so cool!).

I of course was already feeling ill from the popcorn, so I handed it off, set the radio to the correct frequency and was ready for some "Ratatouille". So we thought.

About 10 minutes in (sadly 10 boring minutes, although I was kinda into the whole rat who speaks culinary terms thing, but still a little slow to get people into it) the whole place looses power. Both screens (the other one showing Transformers), also went kaputs. 20 minutes of no news, a short announcement of apology and we're trying.... a few more iterations of no news, and then sad news, and then 100's of cars trying to get out of the 2 parking lots at the same time while trying to get a refund.... get there at 8:10pm.... out by 11pm. With 10 minutes of a movie watched. Very sad for this struggling Drive-In, on probably one of the most busy nights of the summer.

Perhaps staying at home wouldn't have been so bad. We're getting the feeling we are not carrying around much good karma.

Not exactly how I planned it...

Right about this time last week I was hoping to be posting all sorts of cute stories about our families meeting for the first time, and those crazy last minute wedding planning escapades, and a few embarrassing moments. But you got a few pictures to tie you over so that was good right?

And then I was hoping to take a little time every day this week to post some jealousy inducing photos of us in Kauai, and of us having a fantastic dinner with a Bloggy friend and her new hubby, and all sorts of stories of memories and gaggy lovey dovey type posts. But instead I've been silent and have been staying away from the computer mostly.

Last year, we established that I am a verbal processor. Luckily for me I am able to process stuff by typing things out or actually talking them through. Great! Good thing I have a blog so I can do all the typing I want. Talking about it... if you ask, I will tell, no problem. But for some reason turning on the computer and starting to write this one down has been more difficult.

Is this beyond the lines of privacy? Is this something anyone cares to read? I'm all about the TMI but this'll be WAY TMI for most so why write it? And biggest of all for me right now, I hate the pitty. I am in self-pitty mode, and I hate it. HATE IT. And the depression begins to slip in so I've got to start typing. Besides, this is going to dominate my thoughts for a few years, so I should really get it out there.

(I took a break from writing this post and caught up on lots of blogs...Hello? Start already.)

To start....
This is the picture I have to share instead of the glorious Kauai sunset (It's kinda the same effect, no?)


My new hubby relaxing on our Honeymoon:


(TMI STARTS NOW)


The best nourishment EVER! It totally hit the spot!



I had mentioned to J at the wedding rehearsal (the previous Friday) that I wasn't feeling too hot, was bleeding more then I should be and thinking I should call the advise nurse. I figured they'd just tell me to rest, drink fluids, increase my iron, and I could do all of that without making the call.... well, except the resting bit because after all I'm getting married here!

So little stupid me hemorrhaged all through my rehearsal. I figured eh, it's just another shitty, heavy period due to the fibroids we found last year, which was technically correct, but HELLO! Hemorrhaging, NOT GOOD!. And let's just throw in "PORTA POTTIES" to the fun.

Oddly enough, "things" slowed down after we got to our rehearsal dinner 1 1/2 hour late, as we were getting a talking to by our officiant about not having my vows finalized and stamped with a seal of approval before our rehearsal, and not taking the ceremony seriously and paying attention to all of the wrong things, all the while I'm begging him to give me a break as I was feeling like crap and "bleeding down my leg" (which I wasn't and was a poor choice of an exaggeration, but strangely enough that did not phase him and he continued with the lecture, I continued with the tears, and after excusing our friends and family to go to the dinner and a little break we resumed talking things through, timing our walks, and all was hunky dory -- sort of).

We arrived at our rehearsal dinner to friends and family, and with smiles on our faces we played host to the dessert portion of our dinner.

Of course, being the procrastinator I am, I still had some things to take care of the night before the wedding, namly the flowers, the vow finishing up, and packing for the day and the night after. Thankfully Eric stayed with me to help instead of going to the hotel we had booked for him, and he called and explained to the hotel (who did not charge us and held the room for us to still checked in early the next morning to do the "Getting ready" photos).

After the high priority items were complete (around 4am), I closed my eyes for a few hours as Eric stayed up finalizing our playlists. At 6am I got up a little shaky and after feeding the cats, I collapsed on the stairs sobbing. Apparently I was looking rather green, but Eric didn't tell me and he rubbed my back, got me some water and some chocolate to nibble on and then the adrenaline kicked in. I felt nothing wrong but excitement and joy. Bags packed, lists checked off, I headed to the Salon to meet J and start MY DAY.

Sure I was having a hard time breathing, and I was tired, and a little shaky, and I was forcing myself to nibble on my favorite treat, an almond croissant J brought to me, but little determined me was going to have her day! and it was QUITE the day! LOVE, JOY, FAMILY, FRIENDS, TEARS, LAUGHTER, all that I had hoped the day would be. (good photos will follow soon...) and too boot, the bleeding had stopped.

Until Sunday night...and on to Monday, TUESDAY, CRAP.... ok maybe I'll call the nurse now.

And that's why on Wednesday, Eric and I ventured to talk to an OB/GYN, who sent me to the ER, and there we spent the first night after our families went home as I received 4 units of blood, got a little color back in my face, and got the news that one of my fibroids is now the size of a baby's head and I must have surgery if we ever might possibly want to conceive, and advised not to fly over the Pacific Ocean to an island where I'm gonna wanna do more then lay in bed.

YAY!

So here I am, PISSED OFF! AWAKE all night after a visit with a second OB/GYN with the same opinion, trying not to take it out on my new Hubby (which I already have), trying to come to terms with the possibility that my uterus may never be able to hold a child, and will not be able to go to term as they are already recommending a c-section prematurely IF things get that far, if we are to ever be able to conceive, if I still have my uterus after the surgery.

Scheduling your worst nightmare sucks.

Status: HITCHED!

Stories and more photos to come....

Computer Planning

I never thought I'd be spending so much time in front of the computer while doing this wedding planning business. I thought I'd be out shopping, and running errands, and carrying my little notebook around with me, but no... I am on the computer probably more then I'm physically doing anything.

Between my lists (OHHH MY LISTS), and email communications, and IM'ing with my friends working through details and keeping me with perspective and calm, I hardly have time for the running of the errands. I mean I have shopped plenty! But I'll spend about 6-10 hours on the computer around the physical errands and such.

I am on the phone quite a bit, usually ironing things out after I send a particularly snippy email to a family member (or ALL of my family members). And just this week I'm working through the details a lot with my friends that are helping us this weekend, but still, most communications is via email or IM.

Such a different world these days.

An Exellent way to check things off the list

Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending the day with my good friend Liz. She is VERY good at the wedding planning ideas, and has done the flowers for a number of weddings, including her own. Miss Liz was going to do the flowers for my wedding as well, but along came a spider that sat down beside her, and BAM... she'd due to have a baby ANY DAY NOW!

So Liz has been sharing with me her wisdom, she painted a very cute blue band around MANY terra cotta pots we are using as favors/table decorations, and we even went through her storage tubs of wedding flower doing stuff. Hopefully she'll get to come with me to the FlowerMart tomorrow to pick of the LOADS of flowers I'm picking up tomorrow, but alas, we'll see what the Doctor says today.

Since Liz is on Maternity leave, and I've taken this week off for wedding planning fun, we decided to have a day together since that won't happen much in the next year. We were still able to check off some much needed items off my lists, AND we got to spend a great day together. She didn't get her usual maternity leave mid-day nap, but we did get the toes done, a trip to Costco in, AND we had a yummy breakfast and later, ice cream sundaes.

It was quite the lovely day!

(I tried to get a photo of my very cute toes with there little special wedding day design on them, but I decided that feet are hard to photograph. Especially my funny lookin' toes. or "Tingers" as some call them. Rather long, and the big toes are shorter then the rest. Well I thought they were lookin' pretty cute until the camera got a hold of them. FYI - close up of toes... not cute! So I have spared you all the sight. I'm going to go exfoliate my feet and moisturize my cuticles now.)

Did you remember the milk?

Wooooo Weeee!
This was gonna be a totally busy weekend, but I continued on the procrastination train a little bit longer.

BUT... I did get some very important things done.

LISTS!
LOTS AND LOTS OF LISTS.

Since we are doing the whole low budget, laid-back kinda thing, and we just so happen to be also taking photos before the festivities, so we have no time to help in the set-up of the site. Luckily, I have a VERY lovely crew of friends who are helping us out by giving us their whole day to do the dirty work, so everyone can come and have a great time. FRIENDS ARE PRICELESS!

So these friends get their own list. A very long list. They get a packout list, and a todo list, and I therefore have a shopping list to get everything for said packout list. I will then put together everything in that packout list, and have everything labeled and packed up in clear tubs, of course in like dutied categories.

Example: Everything for the cake table - in this lovely tub here, Extras for the "comfort trailer" - why they are all over there in that tub.

I spent a few years as a caterer, so I learned the goodness of the list, and the organized tubs.

I also of course have a list of things to do around the house, you know like put away all of the shower gifts I received and Eric decided he must spread them ALL OUT so he can see them all, and then of course try the kitchen gadgets. Plus we'd like to shampoo the carpets so the in-laws don't have to see all of the cat puke stains. I mean, the stains will still be there and will re-appear within a week, but at least they don't have to KNOW they are there.

Yes, yes, I realize my list of wedding specific things is about oh....50-60 long, and that's after checking off what I did today, and likely the carpet shampooing isn't going to seem quite so important come Thursday when the in-laws fly into town, but you know... I still want it on there just in case I have a few spare hours to blow.

To help me wrangle my todo lists, I have employed the help of a very helpful tool.
Remember the Milk dot com
I had seen a co-worker of mine use it to track those little things I usually put on post-it notes, which then end up scattered about my desk and inevitably lost right when I need it.

Remember the Milk has a mobile version so I can enter tasks and check my lists on my phone, and a handy dandy reminder system as well, so I get IM's, text messages on my phone, and/or emails with all the things that are due that day. Another great plug-in is the component that lives on my iGoogle page (just above my Google Reader where I check in on all of your lovely blogs when I have a moment). The web app is currently in BETA, and it has some usability issues, but having a tool that allows me to dump my brain, organize it a tad, and then allows me to re-organize it after I've had to sleep and can think more clearly, and then let's me print out my checklists by priority and day the task is due... I'm loving it!

Long live the list!

What was it?!?!?!

Don't you hate it when you think of something you need to do, and it seemed important and something that shouldn't be left out at the time, but you thought... 'I'll take care of it later.'

And then you forget, but you still remember that there was something you should add to your mental or physical list of things to do.

Yea, that's how I feel right now as I sit here trying to make that list.

Sitting Here Thinking... Not Doing (or Sleeping)

So today yesterday was my last day of work for three whole weeks.
Oh sure, you'd think I'd be thrilled and run out of that office as fast I could, right?
Well, instead I continued to work until rather late into the night. I fused about with some troubling findings for a long time before I gave in that I wasn't going to resolve it without some help, so I finally wrote down what I was dealing with and pawned it off to my lead for him to deal with. That was around 10pm I think.

Then I kinda putzed about, making sure statuses were documented, and cups were washed (no one wants to come back from vacation to a dirty tea cup!). I chatted online with some friends, one whom I was supposed to be at her house at 9pm, and then finally wrote my "Out of Office" email and packed up to head home.

I'm pretty sure part of my procrastination to come home was the realization that once I left, I would be 100% focused on the Wedding. No more work stuff to distract me. For the last few months I could always wait until tomorrow to do something, or the next week, or wait for a few months to pass. But now? It's here.

It's not that I'm nervous about getting married (although the whole "Mrs." thing is kinda making me feel all old and grown up, which is scary), but I am more apprehensive about actually having to finish this journey called wedding planning. Totally excited about the actual day, but for some reason, this particular week holds more apprehension.

Have I bitten off more then I can handle?
I mean, this is not your normal wedding. It is VERY do it yourselfy! And thankfully I have a number of friends who have volunteered to do lots of the "doing". But still... I am not as organized as I like to be on a project of any size, and I can no longer put anything off.

Sure I know it will be a beautiful day no matter what, and that the most important thing at the end of the day is that I have married my best friend, that stuff I get. I know things will happen, items will be forgotten, and since all of the essentials have been taken care there really isn't much left to actually do (besides cleaning this pig sty as the in-laws and Eric's friends have NEVER been here!). I know I will forget some tasks and about 50% will be de-prioritized and simply fall off the radar.

But right now I just need a list. Not an overly obsessive list, but at least something for me to start prioritizing and checking things off. Something to get these tasks out of my head so I can get some perspective and some sleep. What's the use of all of those painful skin creams, bootcamp squats, and denying myself pasta, if I don't get the sleep I need to keep me healthy and eyes de-puffed!?

Flowers ordered.... CHECK!

This morning I spent some time trying to pick out just WHICH white rose I wanted to use to add to the arsenal of other white flowers I'm using for our cake and other floral type decorations. Thankfully I had gone to the San Francisco FlowerMart with my good friend Liz a few months ago, and she shared her wisdom on which vendors she has used, and which flowers she thought would hold up best that day.

I met a few of the rose specialist vendors, and decided who I was going to use. William Sakai, of Sakai Brother Roses, was a great help, even though I only got to talk to him via voice mail tag. With his help, I settled on ordering domestic Akito Roses (that's one in the picture up there). They will join forces with white freesia, stock, daisies, Fuji mums, Hydrangeas, lisianthus, dendrobium orchids, and some token blue hydrangeas.

All of my flowers are now ordered, and will be ready for me to pick up next Wednesday when I get to fill my call up to the BRIM with all of the pretty pretty flowers. (someone remind me to take an extra Claritin that day!)

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Yadda Yadda Yadda, Wedding, blah blah blah...

So being the non-girly girl I am who wears very little make-up, if any, I have gone a little overboard on how I'm going to look on the day of my wedding.

I have been getting facials. I have been buying expensive products. I have even scheduled to have eyelash extensions so I can cry without the mascara running down my face.

The most stupid move I made was to try to lighten the spots I have on my left cheek (I drive a lot and have more sun damage on that side then the right), and to lessen the frequency of millia popping up. My millia tend to stick around for at least 6 months, so if I could stop them from forming and could even speed up the healing of those I already have, I thought it would be great to do this before the wedding!

SO DUMB!
Now I have a rash everywhere I put these new products (mainly AHA creams) I bought to reduce the stupid little white bumps and the barely noticable brown spots (well I see them, but most people wouldn't say they were any big deal). I'm assuming that the rash is due to the creams, but it could also be a combination of some planning stress and the creams.

So now I'm itchy, and my previously pretty smooth skin is all bumpy and it's spreading. BRILLIANT!

Do I sound Bridezilla'ish now? I'm starting to feel it. Stupid vanity!

I miss blogging!

Eee Gads!
It's been a long time!

I actually started this post 2 weeks ago, but didn't get beyond those 2 lines up there, before my attention was pulled back to work or some other more pressing matter.

I had originally thought I would get to blog all about the wedding planning process. I'd post photos of events and write about all of the fun wedding goodness (and some of the bad), but no.... I have had no time! I don't really have time for this one, but sometimes a girl just has to put her foot down and do a little nonessential writing to ease her mind and to help her process her thoughts.

I have continued to take pictures for the blog, and keep having thoughts through the day of ... I should write about that for the blog! But alas.... no writing as been done, and the pictures haven't gotten out of my camera.

For those that don't know, I'm getting married next weekend. Less then 2 weeks away.
Am I nervous about getting married? not at all.
About the logistics of the day? TOTALLY!
About what it will be like going from a 3 letter last name to a 7 letter, oddly spelled and pronounced last name? FREAKED OUT!
About the fact that I still don't have everything hammered down and smoothed out? I'm dealing.

But in the end I am thrilled to be marrying my best friend and partner, and very much looking forward to starting down a path that is new, scary, thrilling and full of twists and turns, but knowing that I have someone to hold my hand all the way through is the best part of all.

Honeymoon cottage, BOOKED

Right after I booked our flight to Kauai, I started rethinking that plan and wished I had booked it for a longer stay. A few days passed and I called the airline just to see how much it would cost to change our outbound flight... the cost basically doubled, so I became much more ok with 1 week in Kauai instead of 1.5. Now we're thinking we'll do something local for a few days after the wedding, and before leaving for Kauai. Maybe I'll get my time in Yosemite after all!

So last night I sent off that final decision email to the owner of a cottage we are going to rent on the North East side of Kauai. I used a number of vacation rental websites, and had emailed many agents and property owners. I looked at so many ads and listings, and many were already booked. We narrowed down the available options and discussed, and discussed until we picked one. Way too many options out there... phew!

The next honeymoon task is to get a guide book (Tracy recommended a good one), and then decide on what we really want to do there, get those things booked and then the rest of the time there will be just chilling out. In fact, Eric has requested more chilling and less doing. He's probably right. I only have a few things that I really want to do and they are a kayaking/hiking tour, and visiting various areas of the island but no specific activities. Maybe just a drive and wander kind of thing, no real agenda.

Now, if only I had all of my wedding invites out, I might actually be able to sit back and relax. Maybe tonight I'll actually work on some of those higher priority tasks instead of the fun ones. Sometimes it's just so hard to stick to the priorities.


If anyone out there has ANY suggestions about Kauai... Bring it!

Jury Duty

Today I am hanging out at our County Superior Court, I have been summoned for Jury Duty.

I have been eligible to serve for many years, and have been summoned 3 times. This is the first time I have actually had to appear. So far I am still hanging out in the waiting room and thankfully there is Internet Access. What a great time to research honeymoon accommodations, chat online with my friends and catch up on some bloggy reading. I suppose I could do some work too, as I came prepared to catch up on some well avoided tasks, but what fun is that? Maybe I'll pull that out when I get bored with the Internet... HA!

So far it's been 3.5 hours, only one group has been called and many people are sleeping. Kinda amusing really.

Update - I didn't get picked to go on a panel. Just sat around until a judge came in to dismiss us.

Honeymoon BOOKED

Money is tight in our household with Eric starting up a business, our recent travels for family events, and trying to get things in order to sell our place and buy a new place closer to my work. Oh yea, and the wedding too.

So we had decided not to honeymoon. But then my boss said YOU MUST GO ON A HONEYMOON! So he is forcing me to at least take an extra week off past my wedding planning week, and family time week, so that maybe, just maybe we might go on a honeymoon too.

In order to cut down on some costs, we talked about backpacking in Yosemite, since Yosemite is actually where I wanted to have our wedding in the first place, but logistically that was a big headache. But then I have been wanting to vacation in Hawaii for a really long time and when else is it a perfect time to splurge on a Hawaii vacation then for a Honeymoon?

So I did it. Without much consultation with Eric (but with permission from him to just do it when I found something), I booked our flight and car for Hawaii.

I'm a little dizzy now as I only spent about an hour researching flights and even in that time I saw the prices go up, so I just bit the bullet and did it. I guess now I need to find us a place to stay....

EEEEEeeeeee!

Tracking

Ok, I just have to give praise to the wonders of the Internet and how it opens up vast channels of information, particularly for those of us which are just a touch controlling and like to know what is happening with their stuff at all times. The particular bit of technology with I am currently very pleased with is the joys of tracking packages.

Sure, sure, tracking the traffic or where my lovey is on his journey on a plane is fine too, but don't you just love that you can click on a little link to find out where your particular package is on its route to a loved one you are gifting, or perhaps that special little gift to yourself you just can't wait to have in your very own hands.

Lately I have been shipping lots of things around for the wedding and such and I will be the first to admit that I LOVE CONTROL (which I am learning to reign in these days before I explode). I love that I can go to a site to see that my mosquito netting to shield the cake from Oak leaves is now in Mesquite, TX and should be arriving at my office on Friday. Or I can call Eric's aunt to let her know that FedEx left her granddaughter's dress by her front door, since she usually goes into her house through her garage.

LOVE IT!

Boot camp is kickin’ my booty

Alright, I did it. I gave in to the pressures of the wedding day diets and workouts. I actually gave in a few months ago, and I said I would write about it, but I didn't. If I wrote about it, then I would be somehow more accountable. More accountable then just me knowing. When Tracy of The Starshine Report announced her Operation String Bikini, I thought, ok I'll do it too. I'll announce my goals and talk about it on my blog too. But I didn't. I didn't know if I could stick to it.

It has already been about a year since I started being more mindful of what I eat. I try to be aware of my portions and what my body needs. I grew up in a home of food = love, and 'you better clean that plate', so I have an unhealthy view of portions. This has been a big battle, especially since my Eric has a fast metabolism and does manual labor so he's working off all of those calories he eats. Me, I sit in a car/train, then I sit at a desk, just to return to the car/train to get my arse to the couch as fast as I can.

Eric started running with me last year on the weekends, but I never stuck to it consistently. Each time I would make some progress and would be able to go a little further, I'd miss a day and bam, there goes the routine and there went any progress I had made. I didn't know how to push myself. How to hold myself accountable for a goal of # of sit-ups or minutes to run, and hell no I wasn't doing any pushups or upper body work in general. But I was continuing to not be happy with my "squish" as I would call it. You know that squish in the chest area, next to the armpits? Yea, that squish. The squish that is so attractive in tank tops and GASP! strapless dresses (you know, like those wedding dress types).

So I got on the all knowing internet in search of some help. Some motivation. Guess what? There are people you can pay to motivate you to be in pain! Yup, I signed up for an all women, morning boot camp. Last month I went 3-4 days a week, getting up at 4:30am, to workout with a bunch of woman in the dark at a park for an hour. They took our measurements, weight, and then kicked our butts. We ran timed miles and counted situps, and I don't want to talk about the number of squats performed. For the first week I walked funny. Really funny. But then the second week I was able to recover more quickly, the third week it actually felt good. And then that forth week? well my brother came to town and then I went out of town and there went the diet and the working out 3-4 times a week. Seriously, chips and beer came into my house for the first time in a long time and if they are there.... I will eat them.

When I came back from vacation to New Orleans (I'll write about that later), I had my post-camp evaluation. I had lost all of 0.5 pounds. ugh. My thighs, actually went UP an inch, and everything else was about the same. But the skin fold test.... huh, I lost 2.9% body fat. Not great, but that's something right? And my chest squish? Had the biggest change of any of those measurements. So maybe I need to get back on that wagon, because although the scale may not know it, I know that I can run further and do more sit-ups, and push-ups? well I can do a few now. I have missed the first two days of camp this month, and tomorrow is the timed mile. I think I'm actually excited and want to see if I can come in any faster then when I started.

Here's to kicking some booty to the curb!

Update - DRAT! It was totally raining this morning and that was all the excuse I needed to not get up early to go run.

And My Commute Gets Worse

Ohhh wee, I feel like I'm bitching a lot!

On Sunday morning, a gasoline tanker crashed and burned on a freeway in the SF Bay Area. Thankfully no one was killed, and the driver of the tanker walked away with 2nd degree burns. The heat of the fire exceeded the limits the freeway structure could withstand and the steel supports melted. This little mishap is now costing the state millions of dollars to fix and from a completely selfish standpoint... TOTALLY SUCKS as now I HAVE to take the train into work which is about 2 hours each way including walking. If I get there early there is a shuttle from the station to my office park, but that still means getting to the train station by 7am, and some mornings I'm just not that with it.

The part of the freeway which collapsed onto another freeway was my way home. It was also the way home for 10's of thousands of people everyday. I decided I didn't want to even try to use the train system come Monday morning as I thought it would be complete chaos. The state officials thought it would be as well, so they made all public transportation free for the day.

So yesterday I opted to work from home and forgo the free transportation. FYI - Mondays are not a good work from home day for me becuse I have a hard time convincing myself that it's not still the weekend. So now as I sit here on the train, riding into work, I am officially FREAKING OUT at the amount of work I have to do today, and I have to train a new hire to boot. At least on the train I suddenly have a few hours to spend writing. Lucky you people!

Really, I'll try not to bitch quite so much tomorrow. (although I've already written a few posts today so there might be about a week of whiny writing).

CHEERS!

The Dress

Finding the dress can be painful and joyous, hot and exhausting, and a whole lot of fun. For me, it was 2 weekends of time with my mom and girlfriends, and being totally cool standing around half naked and laughing a lot.

The first day at the first salon I tried on MANY dresses. I had a consultant who was great at listening to me and running around finding dresses for me to look at and try on. She was very efficient and knew her stuff. Amongst the thousands of dresses, she pulled out THE DRESS.

It's a little different, but very now. It's simple, but with just enough adornment. It's shaped so I'm not freaking out about my bumps, lumps and "squish". I fell in love with it... but still had to look at some "cheaper" options, so off to David's Bridal I went the next day.

There I was shocked by the bright white lights. The large number of brides and prom goers in this very large showroom. But there were a few dresses I thought looked pretty good on me... and they were so much less money then the one at the fancy bridal salon.

After another weekend of re-trying on my narrowed down list of 3, I could only visualize myself in the fancy, well fitting, slightly different dress which I clearly loved more then the others. I had figured this would happen and had already scheduled an appointment to get my measurements and order the dress... you know just in case.

The day before my appointment I was to order the dress, I went to the designer's website and found that MY DRESS had been discontinued. Slightly worried, I went to my appointment to order my dress. I mentioned the discontinued status on the website to my consultant, and a wash of worry came over her face. She said, "Then you aren't going to get your dress." Oh well that made me feel better! But I just smile and try to not freak out because I could always fall back on the David's Bridal dress and I was also pretty sure the bridal salon would not be needed this discontinued dress anymore and I could probably have it altered to fit and maybe might even get a discount to help cover the cost of the needed alterations.

After my consultant calls the designer, argues with her boss about why the dress was still on the floor, she asks me to try on the dress one more time to see if I could buy the stock dress. Amazingly it fits perfectly! My consultant continues to apologize and comment on how calm I am. Since calm is far from being my middle name, I am actually pretty amazed too. But what was I going to do. Maybe I should have pitched a fit, because I didn't get the discount I had hoped for, but since I'm no haggler, I paid for the dress and checked it off my list.

Now, the dress has been cleaned and mostly repaired, and is hanging in a closet at my parent's house. The lacing for the corset back is not the original lacing, so I'm having a new one made. My good friend, Amy, has a dress by the same designer so she has sent me her lacing to see if it will work for my dress as well which I will try out at my first alteration appointment this Thursday.

Hopefully I'll continue this calm about my dress through the next few months. What can I do, right?

Ohhhh!

I guess this has been out there for a few weeks, and y'all have probably already seen it, but I got such a kick out of it this morning that I just had to share it.

Hi!

I'm tired.
So much to say, so little time.
I don't know when I'll get time to catch up on all of the reading that has been backing up, but I guess that is what I should expect for going and getting all busy and stuff for over a month.

A brief synopsis of the past 5 weeks:

• Wedding site - check
  
• Wedding dress - check - hanging in the closet and waiting to be altered
  
• Wedding cake - check
  
• Wedding caterer - check
  
• Wedding website - check
• Wedding photos - check
  
• Wedding invites - 75% checked - mailing this weekend
  
• Wedding dress workout kick my ass weekday 5:30am bootcamp - check, check, and will check some more
  
• Wedding flowers - will be checked when I do them the day before and hopefully they won't be forgotten and make it to the site, because that would REALLY SUCK
  
• Wedding music - 5% checked, but will be asking my friends to help out with this one
  
• Wedding wine - been tasting and sipping and researching and asking anyone that might have an opinion (people totally have opinions)
  
• Wedding hair and make-up - appointment made, and idea pictures in hand
• Wedding day get ready and wedding night hotel room - argh... not checked
• Rehearsal plans - kinda checked but may change because I'm not thrilled with the dinner location
• Day After Brunch plans - also kinda checked, but may change because I love the location but they don't allow reservations so that might be tricky
• Organizing and Communicating with Family and Friends who are travelling - this wasn't my task, but thanks to the wedding website, its much more checked now then it was before
• Letting go of my control freak nature and asking my friends to help me since we are doing a budget wedding and need all the help we can get - well..... I'd say I am doing much better then expected

Did I mention I'm getting married in June and I didn't start planning ANYTHING until about 5 weeks ago? Yup, the last post I published would mark the start of my brain going from thinking about the day to actually making it happen. The day after that post I had my first bridal dress excursion and then I've had little sleep ever since. Of course I've also been slammed at work, which has become a sort of lovely daily vacation from the wedding planning, although it's never fully out of my thoughts. I am having a blast with every moment of it all... well maybe not every moment. Eric and I have had some interesting "discussions", but overall things are going great!

Oh, and some of you might have noticed some cupcake pictures over there in the sidebar. A childhood friend of mine contacted me about making the dessert for a bridal shower she was co-hosting. They turned out really well, and mighty tasty too! So cute that Eric said, We should make the mini ones for our wedding ..... that turned into another one of those "interesting discussions".

Mythological Fun

Thanks for the quiz Beanzzz!

You Are a Phoenix

Driven and ambitious, you tend to acquire material success easily. You have grand schemes - both for your own life and for changing the whole world. You are a great leader, and you have no problem taking the reigns. However, you aren't all business. You also have great talents for performing and visual arts.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE! I'll get back to posting this weekend... maybe.

Taking the Laptop into the Kitchen

Last night I was chatting with my friend about how much we enjoy food blogs. There are so many of them out there, and many really well written, and even better are the photographs that these authors share with us. How do they make their own food, in their own kitchens look so good? * Mental Note* Consider the natural lighting in the kitchen when looking for a new house.

I love food.
I love to make food.
I love to read about food.
I love to talk about food.
I even love to clean up after making food (but I have an aversion to cleaning up before making food, so lately not much food making has happened)
and of course I love to eat food.
I also give a large percentage of my income to the bank which funded my food education, so I am bitterly reminded twice a month of my love for food.

On my nightstand you will find more cookbooks and food magazines, then you will fiction. Hmm, actually there is no fiction there at all right now. Yes, a few Bridal Mags, and a self-help book or two, but mainly anything I read is about food.

If I had more time, I'd read more food blogs, but I can't keep up with the blogs that I read now.

Most of my bloggy friends also enjoy food, and many occasionally do a little food post, and even though they don't do it everyday, the pictures and the story and of course the recipe always make me want to run home to make that dish that night (or go to their house and ask them to make it for me).

So, as a little incentive to try my hand at food blogging, and to get my little arse back into the kitchen, I am going to take my friend's suggestion and try to do a food post every two weeks. Likely on the weekend. We'll see how it goes.

I'm excited because I'm terrible at writing down my recipes. I work on one for a while, adjusting here and there, but never write it down. And then a year goes by and I have no idea how I made that special treat. So maybe this will help me take the time to get it all down.

Warning: I will likely say a pinch of this, or season to taste, or cook until done.... but you'll get used that. Savory cooking is not an exact science for me, ever! I'll try to do better with sweets preparations, but I'm not promising anything.

Little Princesses Happen

Baby's coming! Baby's coming!

The baby who is getting my first baby blanket project has decided to come a little early, mama went to the hospital last night. Good thing I finished the blanket last weekend! I still haven't taken a picture of it yet, so I'll do my best to get in a little photoshoot before I head for the post office tomorrow morning.

Eeeee BABY!

I guess I'll be making a trip to LA in the near future to see the new little princess.

*UPDATE*
At 8:38 this morning, Baby Leila came out to play!

Welcome little one!

Raining On The Inside

We haven't had much rain this winter, but through the night and into the morning it came down hard with a short burst of hail. It was pretty windy too, so the rain was going every which way.

I've been in my home office working today, and have stayed upstairs for most of the day, being able to look out our window at the now sunny blue sky I had no need to go downstairs until I was hungry. Then when I went downstairs to get some lunch, I noticed that the paint around the kitchen window was bubbled up and cracked. Of course I felt the need to poke at it, and down came the paint in chunks. OH GOODIE! The drywall that was exposed is all wet. YAY!

I called the window company that replaced our windows last summer and they are coming out tomorrow. We also removed the patio cover that was protecting that window, so hopefully there weren't any cracks in the stucco which I might have missed in my caulking crusades. The shed that is adjacent to that wall also recently had its roof replaced, so hopefully there aren't any complications with that. If it is due to the shed, at least I can just call the HOA.

Home ownership is fun. Home ownership is fun.

Who Says Families Should Talk?

This weekend, my parent's celebrated their 40th Wedding Anniversary. We went out to eat with them at the restaurant of my father's choosing. We went to.... Wait for it.... The Old Spaghetti Factory. Needless to say my mother was not pleased with 1)his selection, and 2)the fact that he didn't think to consult her of her desired restaurant destination. I mean, he hasn't consulted her on what to have for dinner for the most part from what I remember, so why she should think he'd start now is beyond me. Usually a 40th Anniversary would be a very joyous occasion, but instead it was another odd evening of eating with a lot of awkward silence.

Sitting at a table for 4 with my parents has become a now twice annual event. Their anniversary and Thanksgiving. Strangely enough, we never really did this as we were growing up or even as adults until right before my brother moved to Canada. My family never really learned the art of eating together at the table, sharing stories, having discussions or actually communicating in general.

So when we have these little get togethers, the four of us sit there. Practically in silence, except when myself or my mom thinks of something with which to break the silence. If we're lucky, it'll be a really long story that somewhat sounds interesting so the other person can be thinking up the next story to tell. Or we just comment on the food... a lot.

Me, being the big communicator of the family, I find this very uncomfortable. I talk. It's what I do. And sitting there, with the people that gave me life, and the person whom gives me more love then I can imagine, I find myself sitting in silence, or I am drawn to talk about idle chit chat which I know really no one cares about.

The few times I've tried to talk about "meaningful" subjects I see my mom's eyes glaze over, and generally my father isn't listening so I don't really get upset when he doesn't respond. I inevitably feel like a referee at some point in the evening, because my mother will make some comment about my father.. you know, with him sitting right there. But since he is only paying attention to his food, it generally goes unnoticed. But sometimes, he catches on. And then I feel the need to change the subject because it's what I've done for 30+ years.

It's amazing I learned how to talk at all. But this is probably why I put such a heavy emphasis on good communication in any of my relationships, and why I'm so open. Hell, someone had to break the silence in my family.

The Most Important Meal of the Day

Along with many others, I am on a bit of a loose weight/get in shape kick right now. When my mostly male co-workers comment on my change in eating habits, I tell them it's for the wedding dress and ask, "Do you want to ask any more questions?" That usually gets them off my back and many of them are actually quite supportive.

So, one of the changes in my eating habits is re-introducing the concept of breakfast. I KNOW it is the most important meal of the day, energy boosting, blah blah blah. But when I have a 1.5 hour commute, all I am thinking about in the morning is getting out of the house.

So last week I started making a big batch of Steel Cut Oatmeal (its the only kind I like now, Mmm its chewy and nutty and so not mushy!). It takes 30+ minutes to cook, so by cooking a big batch, and then portioning it out for the week. I have no excuses! I even sprinkle some dried cherries and rasins on top, so I can attempt to skip my usual pat of butter and heaping tablespoon of brown sugar.

This morning, I came into the office after a lovely and BEAUTIFUL long weekend, with my little glad ware bowl of Mm Mmm congealed oatmeal, and ACK, there was no milk in the fridge. Sadly I had to put blechy water in it to loosen it up, and then I was just sad so I went in search of some sugar to put in it to make it a little better... but I made the mistake of putting in Splenda.

ICKY! Now my gloppy congealed oatmeal tastes like chemicals, except those yummy bites with a dried cherry.

Mental note: Tomorrow put in more dried cherries. They're full of fiber, right?

*updated* - Our office usually is packed high with milk, cream and soy milk, but we were out because of the long weekend and I get in earlier then the milk man delivers. Yes, the milkman delivers to the office.

I also usually use Splenda in drinks, where the taste doesn't bother me, but in the oatmeal, it did. I allowed myself some brown sugar today and topped it off with a few more dried cherries, and all was well.

Dermatology Fun

For years I have had a skin condition called Keratosis Pilaris, which appears as red or white bumps on the outer upper arms and thighs & buttocks, and sometimes the facial cheeks (IT'S HOT!). For some it looks like you have permanent red goosebumps, for me it looks like whiteheads (aka "white pustules" as it was put in my file. Um eww.) and it's worse on my arms, its mild on my thighs and its pretty mild on my face, maybe 10 or so little white bumps at a time. It is genetic and incurable. For most it goes away as they get older, but for others is never improves. YAY me! I get to be in the never improves category. For the most part, it didn't really bother me as a kid, although it was there, I was pretty oblivious to my physical appearance, and likely because I was in the sun all the time the condition was really mild.

Now, as an adult it bugs me. I pick at it, which causes scaring, which just makes the appearance worse. I'd REALLY like it to be all clear and the scars reduced for the wedding/honeymoon so I'm hyper sensitive to it right now.

I have the classic symptoms of it being worse in the winter and better in the summer (the UV rays do good I hear), at least on my arms. Last year, it finally bothered me enough to make an appointment with my NP to get a referral to Dermatology. By the time my NP appointment came around it was summer, and my skin was really mild. ARGH! My NP actually laughed that I wanted a referral. She said they would line her up and shoot her for giving me the referral (FREAKIN HMO CRAP!). Said that lots of people have that and they just deal with it. I just sat there. Looking at her. She said, "What do you want me to do?"

"GIVE ME THE REFERRAL!"

So she did. Begrudgingly. And added to the notes that the patient insisted on the referral. I tell ya, why did she bother seeing me if she would give it to me because I insisted?

So months later, my Dermatology appointment rolled around. I was only seen by a nurse, and she gave me a name for my condition, and told me to exfoliate and use a lotion with AHA twice a day. I also told her that I have been using my boyfriend's prescription acne medication for face acne, so she said, "Would you like your own prescription?". Bam.. just like that. I had some fancy acne stuff, and it was officially in my records that I had acne.

If anyone looks at me, they know I don't have acne. I have always had pretty clear skin, except the arm/thigh thing and the occasional major zit that hangs out for 3-4 weeks.

2 questions here:
How does the referral system save the HMO money, when all I had to do was insist, and then I got any prescription I asked for?
And
Anyone else have experience with Keratosis Pilaris and have found a solution which works for them? Or even just something to reduce the scaring? I really want to get my arms all cleared up and pretty for the big day.

Thanks!

Love Quiz

I saw this over at Stealthybean and I think it's pretty accurate. Ok, ok, maybe I dig the Valentine's day thing a bit. But I still don't need all of the hoopla.

You Are A Romantic Realist

You tend to be grounded when it comes to romance. Sure, you can fall hard... but only for someone you've gotten to know. And once you're in love, you can be a total romantic goofball... But you'd never admit it to your friends!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

Company Love Fest

Yesterday my company threw a little Valentine's Day party of sorts. I found this a little odd because in general I'm one of those anti-Valentines people, at least I don't like to whoop it up like some people. I pretty much see it as just another day, since I feel that everyday we should remember our loved ones (but I'll never refuse the See's chocolates that Eric gives me every year. Mmm Mmm).

So anyway... back to the party.

They rented a popcorn popping cart thingy from the deli across the street, and you REALLY don't want to know the butter like orange stick o'goo that is used to pop and flavor the corn, really you don't

They had all sorts of Red, Pink and White candies and cookies, which were heavily frosted and sugared of course.

And, they showed a movie. Yes, a movie at the office. Please take a moment to imagine a room with 30 or so tech geeks continuing to work on their laptops, sitting in the dark, watching none other then the great 80's teen star John Cusack in "Better Off Dead". CLASSIC!

Well at least now it's classic, since I had never heard of this movie before, and I asked J over at Thinking About, if it was worth my while to stop working for a bit to go watch, and she had never heard of it and she knows all things good about the 80's, so I was skeptical. And then I thought, HEY, I get to totally work half-assed for an hour or so, see a probably crappy movie and then go home, sounds like a good deal to me!

So yea, it was a pretty bad movie although funny at times. It was probably one of those movies where the director was going for the type of show where they threw in all sorts of really bad jokes and stunts and such to get the kids laughing, or maybe the bar was just set really low for 80's teen romantic comedies because you know the teen romantic comedies of today are so good! But it was a fun time, and moments were shared with some co-workers that I don't usually hang out with. So all in all, it was a good choice (but eating those 2 frosted cookies were probably not).

Sesame Street Personality Test

You Are Cookie Monster

Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth. You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around. You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and unsual way of speaking How you live your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!"

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

The Weekend where I catch up

So this weekend was going to be the weekend I catch up on everything I've fallen behind on.
My list included:

1. Work
   
2. Groom Kitties including trimming the nails
3. Filling up the car with gas at Costco - a tank a week adds up
4. Doing my nails
5. Work
   
6. Knit another skein worth of the baby blanket
7. Scrub the bathroom
   
8. Laundry - including putting it all away
   
9. Bills
10. Work
11. General errands
12. Vacuum
13. Scrub those spots in the carpet which I swore I already scrubbed before
    
14. Organize Closets
15. Make Goodwill run
16. Work
17. Organize pile o' papers in office
18. Call friends I never seem to call
19. Work
20. etc.
    

Guess what? It took me longer then a weekend to fall behind, and therefore I should have considered that when I took on this challenge. At least I got one hand worth of nails filed (while sitting on the toilet no doubt..yes, yes, TMI), the knitting part completed, the cat's got groomed but their nails were not trimmed and the bathroom scrubbed! Holy Crap! My bathtub and shower curtain are supposed to be white! Perhaps I'll put that load of laundry that is in the dryer away next weekend, when I start another cycle of weekend catch up.

Oh yea, and one other thing that has been on the list for weeks and it was finally completed... pouring Draino down the bathroom sink. We try to keep to a pretty low-toxin household, but now that it's draining just like it did when we put in that sink, I suppose I have to admit that hair + greasey build up (and no I do not want to think about where the greasy build-up comes from) = slow draining sink + caustic chemicals = smooth drain. So do you? Do you ever think about where the greasy build-up comes from?

East Coast / West Coast

Last night, Eric's best friend in Pittsburgh called up to check in on the wedding plans. Since he is a resident doing his fellowship (a 3 year Cardiology fellowship, plus more if he chooses to specialize in a specialty of his chosen specialty) and needs probably the most notice of all those that need to travel. Magically, this phone call sparked a few decisions on our part. Because HELLO, this was one of the main reasons I was pushing Eric to start planning last year, since it's mainly his side that needs to travel (assuming we don't elope to Hawaii). Of course now, it's me that is slowing the plan train down.

So we talked about the March wedding in a blooming orchard and agreed that it was just too close. Although gorgeous, we should have thought of that sooner. BUT, we can do engagement photos in a blooming orchard! Not quite as magical, but still VERY us and very special.

Eric's best friend said that he wants to be there no matter how small we go, which is something that I know means a whole lot to Eric, since he is out here on the West Coast with me, and his entire family and childhood friends are all back in the Northern East Coast. Eric went to his friend's wedding in India, where he spent a month travelling around the country and had the wonderful opportunity to stay in Kerala with his friend's family for quite a long visit. These two are brothers that just happen to have different parents. When his friend called to tell him he was getting married, and the wedding was going to be in India, Eric said, "Well I guess I'm going to India". There were no questions about it.

Out here, Eric has me, the cats, his business, and some newer friends mostly met through me. He is still very attached to the East, and sometimes we have struggles since I am a girl that is so very tied to the West, and his decision to start a business that is also very much dedicated to this area. We could move elsewhere and he could still have his business, but he'd really have to start over. Besides, its cold in the North East!

Right now, he's good. He's happy to be here. He's happy with me and the cats and the lack of snow. But when we have kids, someone is going to be on a plane a lot. I just don't quite know who it's going to be yet.

Breaking News

I was at a tech convention today and wandered about with some old co-workers talking about the industry we work in and best practices and such, and then we came upon a booth that had video games, TVs, and pinball machines. - hey anything to keep the geeks in your booth! - On the TV was the CNN Situation Room with the BREAKING NEWS! ANNA NICOLE IS DEAD!

Ok someone please tell me how this is breaking news? And why is this story getting so much coverage?

Really, it can't be helping the family. It is purely fueled by our celebrity sensationalism, which is what she lived off of - well that and drugs, and an extremly painful life and somehow an outwordly plush lifestyle - why do I know this?

I stood there with my friend watching the news while being totally shocked at the fact that he even knew who she was, and that he knew her whole story, and that it was on CNN, AND the fact that we were both standing there watching and discussing it.

And now I'm shocked that I just took the time to write about it.

You Mean I Have to PLAN the Wedding?

I seem to think I'm going to get married soon, yet I've planned not a thing and the potential date we settled on, is starting to get really close. We have much to do. Much to decide on. Much shopping and planning and... oh hell, let's elope. Oh wait, eloping still involves planning. CRAP!

So I mentioned this wedding thing up there... yea, right up there, it was mere seconds since your eyes scanned over it. So I keep saying to everyone, "Yea, so we might elope, but I still want the dress, the flowers and the pictures! Oh, and a few people there would be ideal." The thing is, if I still want all of these things, then I still need to make plans, sign contracts and write checks (which require money to back them up, have you heard?). My mom says she is fine with whatever we decide, but I totally heard the pain in her voice when she said that. Eric's mom is actually hoping we elope (don't know what that's about). And our siblings are both down with the date we've given them, but are waiting on confirmation before any flights are booked.

We had finally agreed on a date in June that seemed good for the "must have" guests. But then we think about how much money we could save if we elope now and get Eric on my benefits, and just do a really little thing. But that isn't very romantic or memorable, or really what falls in line with what I want. I know I need to find that balance, and balance is not something I'm really known to find in any aspect of my life. It's one extreme or the other. I admit that I want to be smart with this wedding, and I'm not really an extravagant person, even my dream wedding has a small number of guests but in a location that isn't really easy for people flying in, and therefore pricey.

Plus the thought of asking people to spend 100's of dollars for a weekend where we can only provide one meal, just seems like asking too much. I've never flown anywhere for a wedding, but I'm sure I would for a close friend or relative. We're flying to New Orleans for a wedding in April, so I know people do it, but it just seems so foreign to me. And then it comes down to actually choosing and sadly, ranking people, and not wanting people to feel obligated to come if we do choose to invite them when it just doesn't work for them.

Then Eric came up with the idea to get married in an orchard in bloom. Great idea! Sounds gorgeous! Guess when orchards are in bloom? NEXT MONTH! I contacted our orchard of choice and they don't feel comfortable with the liability of an event, but are open to us taking pictures there, which sounds great... but that means I need to find a dress and photographer in um... a month. Not to mention the cake and someone to marry us, oh and what date is good for you?

Oh yea, and then I'd like to be in better shape because my arms are starting wave back at me, and I have a touch of acne on my shoulders that I'd like to go away for the day.

So June is sounding more reasonable, but still, we need to get our butts into gear and get some decisions made, so people can make plans, cakes can be ordered, photographers can be booked. Huh... SF City hall is looking more and more pretty! Or maybe Hawaii. Hawaii is nice!

No More Green Yarn

So as you've no doubtly noted, I've been in a bit of a stuck place. Depression, stress, procrastination, yadda, yadda, yadda. Unfortunately it is a topic that is very on my mind because, well, it's kinda stopping me from being very productive in my life, work and just being. I am soooo freakin tired about writing about it though, but if I don't write about it, does that mean I'm not being honest with myself? Eh? So there, I mentioned it, it's been documented and now I shall move on with my day.

So this weekend I made a grave mistake. I bought yarn and needles for 2 more knitted projects before I was finished with my current one. Gasp! I KNOW! I have had to stop myself from doing just this for the last week, because I'm growing slightly tired of the baby blanket which I have taken on. This blanket is also stressing me ever so slightly because the baby it is a gift for, is due in a month. I know the baby will be a baby for a little while after that, so really receiving a gift of a blanket will be completely fitting if received a month or so later. But I might pull my hair out, if I only work on this same green yarn, though soft and pretty, and this same pattern for a whole month.

I am quite proud of myself with this blanket though. It is my 3rd project and my first with a pattern, and I'm on my 3rd out of 7 balls of yarn. I have estimated that I must complete 8 rows a day to finish it by March, and I'm no speed knitter so 8 rows takes me over 2 hours, assuming I don't have to stop and fix anything (which I've had to do almost every day for the last few days).

The biggest bonus with making this blanket right now is that it is keeping my lap nice and warm on the cold mornings while I ride the train. Perhaps I'll take a day or two off to give me a break and work with some other pretty... non-green yarn. Maybe a quick scarf so I can feel a little more sense of accomplishment.

Oh, and while on the topic of knitting... the doctor said I have inflamed tendons which are causing the pain and numbing tingling sensation. So resting more often, doing more stretches and being able to knit with my elbows resting on something is totally helping. Taking about 6 days off from it helped... but totally put me behind!

Random thoughts on why it's hard to write sometimes

Sometimes I think I'm a much better commenter then a personal post writer. Either I have posts coming out of my ears and I don't have time to write them all down and then of course forget the ideas, or there's nothing there. And then I read some of your posts, and then I suddenly have a ton to say and I write paragraphs in your comment sections, which I find kinda rude and self centered - but please feel free to do this to me, because I'm just hyper-sensitive to people's perception of my self-centeredness and I loves me the comments, but only if you want to comment, I'm not begging for comments here or measuring my self-worth or how much people like me based on comments. Ok, maybe I am. No I'm not. yea yea, I am.

So I was sitting here thinking... why is it that sometimes I am one of the most talkative people around, yet I feel I don't have anything to write here, or I'm totally the opposite and I sit around silent, and feeling awkward, but I can write a mile a minute here.

I guess it comes down to the moment of inspiration, and frankly whether or not I'm awake, or have already told a particular story and once its out there, I don't think to tell it again. I do often think that once I tell a story to a friend, that since those friends read this, that I don't want to bore them with writing it down again. But really that's silly because I'm not writing this for them. It's for me.

So in the spirit of the original concept of my blog, I am going to stop being so concerned about impressive stories and writing, and just go back to my random thoughts and stuff, because really, that's how my mind works.