Sitting Here Thinking... Not Doing (or Sleeping)

So today yesterday was my last day of work for three whole weeks.
Oh sure, you'd think I'd be thrilled and run out of that office as fast I could, right?
Well, instead I continued to work until rather late into the night. I fused about with some troubling findings for a long time before I gave in that I wasn't going to resolve it without some help, so I finally wrote down what I was dealing with and pawned it off to my lead for him to deal with. That was around 10pm I think.

Then I kinda putzed about, making sure statuses were documented, and cups were washed (no one wants to come back from vacation to a dirty tea cup!). I chatted online with some friends, one whom I was supposed to be at her house at 9pm, and then finally wrote my "Out of Office" email and packed up to head home.

I'm pretty sure part of my procrastination to come home was the realization that once I left, I would be 100% focused on the Wedding. No more work stuff to distract me. For the last few months I could always wait until tomorrow to do something, or the next week, or wait for a few months to pass. But now? It's here.

It's not that I'm nervous about getting married (although the whole "Mrs." thing is kinda making me feel all old and grown up, which is scary), but I am more apprehensive about actually having to finish this journey called wedding planning. Totally excited about the actual day, but for some reason, this particular week holds more apprehension.

Have I bitten off more then I can handle?
I mean, this is not your normal wedding. It is VERY do it yourselfy! And thankfully I have a number of friends who have volunteered to do lots of the "doing". But still... I am not as organized as I like to be on a project of any size, and I can no longer put anything off.

Sure I know it will be a beautiful day no matter what, and that the most important thing at the end of the day is that I have married my best friend, that stuff I get. I know things will happen, items will be forgotten, and since all of the essentials have been taken care there really isn't much left to actually do (besides cleaning this pig sty as the in-laws and Eric's friends have NEVER been here!). I know I will forget some tasks and about 50% will be de-prioritized and simply fall off the radar.

But right now I just need a list. Not an overly obsessive list, but at least something for me to start prioritizing and checking things off. Something to get these tasks out of my head so I can get some perspective and some sleep. What's the use of all of those painful skin creams, bootcamp squats, and denying myself pasta, if I don't get the sleep I need to keep me healthy and eyes de-puffed!?

Flowers ordered.... CHECK!

This morning I spent some time trying to pick out just WHICH white rose I wanted to use to add to the arsenal of other white flowers I'm using for our cake and other floral type decorations. Thankfully I had gone to the San Francisco FlowerMart with my good friend Liz a few months ago, and she shared her wisdom on which vendors she has used, and which flowers she thought would hold up best that day.

I met a few of the rose specialist vendors, and decided who I was going to use. William Sakai, of Sakai Brother Roses, was a great help, even though I only got to talk to him via voice mail tag. With his help, I settled on ordering domestic Akito Roses (that's one in the picture up there). They will join forces with white freesia, stock, daisies, Fuji mums, Hydrangeas, lisianthus, dendrobium orchids, and some token blue hydrangeas.

All of my flowers are now ordered, and will be ready for me to pick up next Wednesday when I get to fill my call up to the BRIM with all of the pretty pretty flowers. (someone remind me to take an extra Claritin that day!)

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Yadda Yadda Yadda, Wedding, blah blah blah...

So being the non-girly girl I am who wears very little make-up, if any, I have gone a little overboard on how I'm going to look on the day of my wedding.

I have been getting facials. I have been buying expensive products. I have even scheduled to have eyelash extensions so I can cry without the mascara running down my face.

The most stupid move I made was to try to lighten the spots I have on my left cheek (I drive a lot and have more sun damage on that side then the right), and to lessen the frequency of millia popping up. My millia tend to stick around for at least 6 months, so if I could stop them from forming and could even speed up the healing of those I already have, I thought it would be great to do this before the wedding!

SO DUMB!
Now I have a rash everywhere I put these new products (mainly AHA creams) I bought to reduce the stupid little white bumps and the barely noticable brown spots (well I see them, but most people wouldn't say they were any big deal). I'm assuming that the rash is due to the creams, but it could also be a combination of some planning stress and the creams.

So now I'm itchy, and my previously pretty smooth skin is all bumpy and it's spreading. BRILLIANT!

Do I sound Bridezilla'ish now? I'm starting to feel it. Stupid vanity!

I miss blogging!

Eee Gads!
It's been a long time!

I actually started this post 2 weeks ago, but didn't get beyond those 2 lines up there, before my attention was pulled back to work or some other more pressing matter.

I had originally thought I would get to blog all about the wedding planning process. I'd post photos of events and write about all of the fun wedding goodness (and some of the bad), but no.... I have had no time! I don't really have time for this one, but sometimes a girl just has to put her foot down and do a little nonessential writing to ease her mind and to help her process her thoughts.

I have continued to take pictures for the blog, and keep having thoughts through the day of ... I should write about that for the blog! But alas.... no writing as been done, and the pictures haven't gotten out of my camera.

For those that don't know, I'm getting married next weekend. Less then 2 weeks away.
Am I nervous about getting married? not at all.
About the logistics of the day? TOTALLY!
About what it will be like going from a 3 letter last name to a 7 letter, oddly spelled and pronounced last name? FREAKED OUT!
About the fact that I still don't have everything hammered down and smoothed out? I'm dealing.

But in the end I am thrilled to be marrying my best friend and partner, and very much looking forward to starting down a path that is new, scary, thrilling and full of twists and turns, but knowing that I have someone to hold my hand all the way through is the best part of all.

Honeymoon cottage, BOOKED

Right after I booked our flight to Kauai, I started rethinking that plan and wished I had booked it for a longer stay. A few days passed and I called the airline just to see how much it would cost to change our outbound flight... the cost basically doubled, so I became much more ok with 1 week in Kauai instead of 1.5. Now we're thinking we'll do something local for a few days after the wedding, and before leaving for Kauai. Maybe I'll get my time in Yosemite after all!

So last night I sent off that final decision email to the owner of a cottage we are going to rent on the North East side of Kauai. I used a number of vacation rental websites, and had emailed many agents and property owners. I looked at so many ads and listings, and many were already booked. We narrowed down the available options and discussed, and discussed until we picked one. Way too many options out there... phew!

The next honeymoon task is to get a guide book (Tracy recommended a good one), and then decide on what we really want to do there, get those things booked and then the rest of the time there will be just chilling out. In fact, Eric has requested more chilling and less doing. He's probably right. I only have a few things that I really want to do and they are a kayaking/hiking tour, and visiting various areas of the island but no specific activities. Maybe just a drive and wander kind of thing, no real agenda.

Now, if only I had all of my wedding invites out, I might actually be able to sit back and relax. Maybe tonight I'll actually work on some of those higher priority tasks instead of the fun ones. Sometimes it's just so hard to stick to the priorities.


If anyone out there has ANY suggestions about Kauai... Bring it!

Jury Duty

Today I am hanging out at our County Superior Court, I have been summoned for Jury Duty.

I have been eligible to serve for many years, and have been summoned 3 times. This is the first time I have actually had to appear. So far I am still hanging out in the waiting room and thankfully there is Internet Access. What a great time to research honeymoon accommodations, chat online with my friends and catch up on some bloggy reading. I suppose I could do some work too, as I came prepared to catch up on some well avoided tasks, but what fun is that? Maybe I'll pull that out when I get bored with the Internet... HA!

So far it's been 3.5 hours, only one group has been called and many people are sleeping. Kinda amusing really.

Update - I didn't get picked to go on a panel. Just sat around until a judge came in to dismiss us.

Honeymoon BOOKED

Money is tight in our household with Eric starting up a business, our recent travels for family events, and trying to get things in order to sell our place and buy a new place closer to my work. Oh yea, and the wedding too.

So we had decided not to honeymoon. But then my boss said YOU MUST GO ON A HONEYMOON! So he is forcing me to at least take an extra week off past my wedding planning week, and family time week, so that maybe, just maybe we might go on a honeymoon too.

In order to cut down on some costs, we talked about backpacking in Yosemite, since Yosemite is actually where I wanted to have our wedding in the first place, but logistically that was a big headache. But then I have been wanting to vacation in Hawaii for a really long time and when else is it a perfect time to splurge on a Hawaii vacation then for a Honeymoon?

So I did it. Without much consultation with Eric (but with permission from him to just do it when I found something), I booked our flight and car for Hawaii.

I'm a little dizzy now as I only spent about an hour researching flights and even in that time I saw the prices go up, so I just bit the bullet and did it. I guess now I need to find us a place to stay....

EEEEEeeeeee!

Tracking

Ok, I just have to give praise to the wonders of the Internet and how it opens up vast channels of information, particularly for those of us which are just a touch controlling and like to know what is happening with their stuff at all times. The particular bit of technology with I am currently very pleased with is the joys of tracking packages.

Sure, sure, tracking the traffic or where my lovey is on his journey on a plane is fine too, but don't you just love that you can click on a little link to find out where your particular package is on its route to a loved one you are gifting, or perhaps that special little gift to yourself you just can't wait to have in your very own hands.

Lately I have been shipping lots of things around for the wedding and such and I will be the first to admit that I LOVE CONTROL (which I am learning to reign in these days before I explode). I love that I can go to a site to see that my mosquito netting to shield the cake from Oak leaves is now in Mesquite, TX and should be arriving at my office on Friday. Or I can call Eric's aunt to let her know that FedEx left her granddaughter's dress by her front door, since she usually goes into her house through her garage.

LOVE IT!

Boot camp is kickin’ my booty

Alright, I did it. I gave in to the pressures of the wedding day diets and workouts. I actually gave in a few months ago, and I said I would write about it, but I didn't. If I wrote about it, then I would be somehow more accountable. More accountable then just me knowing. When Tracy of The Starshine Report announced her Operation String Bikini, I thought, ok I'll do it too. I'll announce my goals and talk about it on my blog too. But I didn't. I didn't know if I could stick to it.

It has already been about a year since I started being more mindful of what I eat. I try to be aware of my portions and what my body needs. I grew up in a home of food = love, and 'you better clean that plate', so I have an unhealthy view of portions. This has been a big battle, especially since my Eric has a fast metabolism and does manual labor so he's working off all of those calories he eats. Me, I sit in a car/train, then I sit at a desk, just to return to the car/train to get my arse to the couch as fast as I can.

Eric started running with me last year on the weekends, but I never stuck to it consistently. Each time I would make some progress and would be able to go a little further, I'd miss a day and bam, there goes the routine and there went any progress I had made. I didn't know how to push myself. How to hold myself accountable for a goal of # of sit-ups or minutes to run, and hell no I wasn't doing any pushups or upper body work in general. But I was continuing to not be happy with my "squish" as I would call it. You know that squish in the chest area, next to the armpits? Yea, that squish. The squish that is so attractive in tank tops and GASP! strapless dresses (you know, like those wedding dress types).

So I got on the all knowing internet in search of some help. Some motivation. Guess what? There are people you can pay to motivate you to be in pain! Yup, I signed up for an all women, morning boot camp. Last month I went 3-4 days a week, getting up at 4:30am, to workout with a bunch of woman in the dark at a park for an hour. They took our measurements, weight, and then kicked our butts. We ran timed miles and counted situps, and I don't want to talk about the number of squats performed. For the first week I walked funny. Really funny. But then the second week I was able to recover more quickly, the third week it actually felt good. And then that forth week? well my brother came to town and then I went out of town and there went the diet and the working out 3-4 times a week. Seriously, chips and beer came into my house for the first time in a long time and if they are there.... I will eat them.

When I came back from vacation to New Orleans (I'll write about that later), I had my post-camp evaluation. I had lost all of 0.5 pounds. ugh. My thighs, actually went UP an inch, and everything else was about the same. But the skin fold test.... huh, I lost 2.9% body fat. Not great, but that's something right? And my chest squish? Had the biggest change of any of those measurements. So maybe I need to get back on that wagon, because although the scale may not know it, I know that I can run further and do more sit-ups, and push-ups? well I can do a few now. I have missed the first two days of camp this month, and tomorrow is the timed mile. I think I'm actually excited and want to see if I can come in any faster then when I started.

Here's to kicking some booty to the curb!

Update - DRAT! It was totally raining this morning and that was all the excuse I needed to not get up early to go run.

And My Commute Gets Worse

Ohhh wee, I feel like I'm bitching a lot!

On Sunday morning, a gasoline tanker crashed and burned on a freeway in the SF Bay Area. Thankfully no one was killed, and the driver of the tanker walked away with 2nd degree burns. The heat of the fire exceeded the limits the freeway structure could withstand and the steel supports melted. This little mishap is now costing the state millions of dollars to fix and from a completely selfish standpoint... TOTALLY SUCKS as now I HAVE to take the train into work which is about 2 hours each way including walking. If I get there early there is a shuttle from the station to my office park, but that still means getting to the train station by 7am, and some mornings I'm just not that with it.

The part of the freeway which collapsed onto another freeway was my way home. It was also the way home for 10's of thousands of people everyday. I decided I didn't want to even try to use the train system come Monday morning as I thought it would be complete chaos. The state officials thought it would be as well, so they made all public transportation free for the day.

So yesterday I opted to work from home and forgo the free transportation. FYI - Mondays are not a good work from home day for me becuse I have a hard time convincing myself that it's not still the weekend. So now as I sit here on the train, riding into work, I am officially FREAKING OUT at the amount of work I have to do today, and I have to train a new hire to boot. At least on the train I suddenly have a few hours to spend writing. Lucky you people!

Really, I'll try not to bitch quite so much tomorrow. (although I've already written a few posts today so there might be about a week of whiny writing).

CHEERS!

The Dress

Finding the dress can be painful and joyous, hot and exhausting, and a whole lot of fun. For me, it was 2 weekends of time with my mom and girlfriends, and being totally cool standing around half naked and laughing a lot.

The first day at the first salon I tried on MANY dresses. I had a consultant who was great at listening to me and running around finding dresses for me to look at and try on. She was very efficient and knew her stuff. Amongst the thousands of dresses, she pulled out THE DRESS.

It's a little different, but very now. It's simple, but with just enough adornment. It's shaped so I'm not freaking out about my bumps, lumps and "squish". I fell in love with it... but still had to look at some "cheaper" options, so off to David's Bridal I went the next day.

There I was shocked by the bright white lights. The large number of brides and prom goers in this very large showroom. But there were a few dresses I thought looked pretty good on me... and they were so much less money then the one at the fancy bridal salon.

After another weekend of re-trying on my narrowed down list of 3, I could only visualize myself in the fancy, well fitting, slightly different dress which I clearly loved more then the others. I had figured this would happen and had already scheduled an appointment to get my measurements and order the dress... you know just in case.

The day before my appointment I was to order the dress, I went to the designer's website and found that MY DRESS had been discontinued. Slightly worried, I went to my appointment to order my dress. I mentioned the discontinued status on the website to my consultant, and a wash of worry came over her face. She said, "Then you aren't going to get your dress." Oh well that made me feel better! But I just smile and try to not freak out because I could always fall back on the David's Bridal dress and I was also pretty sure the bridal salon would not be needed this discontinued dress anymore and I could probably have it altered to fit and maybe might even get a discount to help cover the cost of the needed alterations.

After my consultant calls the designer, argues with her boss about why the dress was still on the floor, she asks me to try on the dress one more time to see if I could buy the stock dress. Amazingly it fits perfectly! My consultant continues to apologize and comment on how calm I am. Since calm is far from being my middle name, I am actually pretty amazed too. But what was I going to do. Maybe I should have pitched a fit, because I didn't get the discount I had hoped for, but since I'm no haggler, I paid for the dress and checked it off my list.

Now, the dress has been cleaned and mostly repaired, and is hanging in a closet at my parent's house. The lacing for the corset back is not the original lacing, so I'm having a new one made. My good friend, Amy, has a dress by the same designer so she has sent me her lacing to see if it will work for my dress as well which I will try out at my first alteration appointment this Thursday.

Hopefully I'll continue this calm about my dress through the next few months. What can I do, right?

Ohhhh!

I guess this has been out there for a few weeks, and y'all have probably already seen it, but I got such a kick out of it this morning that I just had to share it.

Hi!

I'm tired.
So much to say, so little time.
I don't know when I'll get time to catch up on all of the reading that has been backing up, but I guess that is what I should expect for going and getting all busy and stuff for over a month.

A brief synopsis of the past 5 weeks:

• Wedding site - check
  
• Wedding dress - check - hanging in the closet and waiting to be altered
  
• Wedding cake - check
  
• Wedding caterer - check
  
• Wedding website - check
• Wedding photos - check
  
• Wedding invites - 75% checked - mailing this weekend
  
• Wedding dress workout kick my ass weekday 5:30am bootcamp - check, check, and will check some more
  
• Wedding flowers - will be checked when I do them the day before and hopefully they won't be forgotten and make it to the site, because that would REALLY SUCK
  
• Wedding music - 5% checked, but will be asking my friends to help out with this one
  
• Wedding wine - been tasting and sipping and researching and asking anyone that might have an opinion (people totally have opinions)
  
• Wedding hair and make-up - appointment made, and idea pictures in hand
• Wedding day get ready and wedding night hotel room - argh... not checked
• Rehearsal plans - kinda checked but may change because I'm not thrilled with the dinner location
• Day After Brunch plans - also kinda checked, but may change because I love the location but they don't allow reservations so that might be tricky
• Organizing and Communicating with Family and Friends who are travelling - this wasn't my task, but thanks to the wedding website, its much more checked now then it was before
• Letting go of my control freak nature and asking my friends to help me since we are doing a budget wedding and need all the help we can get - well..... I'd say I am doing much better then expected

Did I mention I'm getting married in June and I didn't start planning ANYTHING until about 5 weeks ago? Yup, the last post I published would mark the start of my brain going from thinking about the day to actually making it happen. The day after that post I had my first bridal dress excursion and then I've had little sleep ever since. Of course I've also been slammed at work, which has become a sort of lovely daily vacation from the wedding planning, although it's never fully out of my thoughts. I am having a blast with every moment of it all... well maybe not every moment. Eric and I have had some interesting "discussions", but overall things are going great!

Oh, and some of you might have noticed some cupcake pictures over there in the sidebar. A childhood friend of mine contacted me about making the dessert for a bridal shower she was co-hosting. They turned out really well, and mighty tasty too! So cute that Eric said, We should make the mini ones for our wedding ..... that turned into another one of those "interesting discussions".

Mythological Fun

Thanks for the quiz Beanzzz!

You Are a Phoenix

Driven and ambitious, you tend to acquire material success easily. You have grand schemes - both for your own life and for changing the whole world. You are a great leader, and you have no problem taking the reigns. However, you aren't all business. You also have great talents for performing and visual arts.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE! I'll get back to posting this weekend... maybe.

Taking the Laptop into the Kitchen

Last night I was chatting with my friend about how much we enjoy food blogs. There are so many of them out there, and many really well written, and even better are the photographs that these authors share with us. How do they make their own food, in their own kitchens look so good? * Mental Note* Consider the natural lighting in the kitchen when looking for a new house.

I love food.
I love to make food.
I love to read about food.
I love to talk about food.
I even love to clean up after making food (but I have an aversion to cleaning up before making food, so lately not much food making has happened)
and of course I love to eat food.
I also give a large percentage of my income to the bank which funded my food education, so I am bitterly reminded twice a month of my love for food.

On my nightstand you will find more cookbooks and food magazines, then you will fiction. Hmm, actually there is no fiction there at all right now. Yes, a few Bridal Mags, and a self-help book or two, but mainly anything I read is about food.

If I had more time, I'd read more food blogs, but I can't keep up with the blogs that I read now.

Most of my bloggy friends also enjoy food, and many occasionally do a little food post, and even though they don't do it everyday, the pictures and the story and of course the recipe always make me want to run home to make that dish that night (or go to their house and ask them to make it for me).

So, as a little incentive to try my hand at food blogging, and to get my little arse back into the kitchen, I am going to take my friend's suggestion and try to do a food post every two weeks. Likely on the weekend. We'll see how it goes.

I'm excited because I'm terrible at writing down my recipes. I work on one for a while, adjusting here and there, but never write it down. And then a year goes by and I have no idea how I made that special treat. So maybe this will help me take the time to get it all down.

Warning: I will likely say a pinch of this, or season to taste, or cook until done.... but you'll get used that. Savory cooking is not an exact science for me, ever! I'll try to do better with sweets preparations, but I'm not promising anything.

Little Princesses Happen

Baby's coming! Baby's coming!

The baby who is getting my first baby blanket project has decided to come a little early, mama went to the hospital last night. Good thing I finished the blanket last weekend! I still haven't taken a picture of it yet, so I'll do my best to get in a little photoshoot before I head for the post office tomorrow morning.

Eeeee BABY!

I guess I'll be making a trip to LA in the near future to see the new little princess.

*UPDATE*
At 8:38 this morning, Baby Leila came out to play!

Welcome little one!

Raining On The Inside

We haven't had much rain this winter, but through the night and into the morning it came down hard with a short burst of hail. It was pretty windy too, so the rain was going every which way.

I've been in my home office working today, and have stayed upstairs for most of the day, being able to look out our window at the now sunny blue sky I had no need to go downstairs until I was hungry. Then when I went downstairs to get some lunch, I noticed that the paint around the kitchen window was bubbled up and cracked. Of course I felt the need to poke at it, and down came the paint in chunks. OH GOODIE! The drywall that was exposed is all wet. YAY!

I called the window company that replaced our windows last summer and they are coming out tomorrow. We also removed the patio cover that was protecting that window, so hopefully there weren't any cracks in the stucco which I might have missed in my caulking crusades. The shed that is adjacent to that wall also recently had its roof replaced, so hopefully there aren't any complications with that. If it is due to the shed, at least I can just call the HOA.

Home ownership is fun. Home ownership is fun.

Who Says Families Should Talk?

This weekend, my parent's celebrated their 40th Wedding Anniversary. We went out to eat with them at the restaurant of my father's choosing. We went to.... Wait for it.... The Old Spaghetti Factory. Needless to say my mother was not pleased with 1)his selection, and 2)the fact that he didn't think to consult her of her desired restaurant destination. I mean, he hasn't consulted her on what to have for dinner for the most part from what I remember, so why she should think he'd start now is beyond me. Usually a 40th Anniversary would be a very joyous occasion, but instead it was another odd evening of eating with a lot of awkward silence.

Sitting at a table for 4 with my parents has become a now twice annual event. Their anniversary and Thanksgiving. Strangely enough, we never really did this as we were growing up or even as adults until right before my brother moved to Canada. My family never really learned the art of eating together at the table, sharing stories, having discussions or actually communicating in general.

So when we have these little get togethers, the four of us sit there. Practically in silence, except when myself or my mom thinks of something with which to break the silence. If we're lucky, it'll be a really long story that somewhat sounds interesting so the other person can be thinking up the next story to tell. Or we just comment on the food... a lot.

Me, being the big communicator of the family, I find this very uncomfortable. I talk. It's what I do. And sitting there, with the people that gave me life, and the person whom gives me more love then I can imagine, I find myself sitting in silence, or I am drawn to talk about idle chit chat which I know really no one cares about.

The few times I've tried to talk about "meaningful" subjects I see my mom's eyes glaze over, and generally my father isn't listening so I don't really get upset when he doesn't respond. I inevitably feel like a referee at some point in the evening, because my mother will make some comment about my father.. you know, with him sitting right there. But since he is only paying attention to his food, it generally goes unnoticed. But sometimes, he catches on. And then I feel the need to change the subject because it's what I've done for 30+ years.

It's amazing I learned how to talk at all. But this is probably why I put such a heavy emphasis on good communication in any of my relationships, and why I'm so open. Hell, someone had to break the silence in my family.

The Most Important Meal of the Day

Along with many others, I am on a bit of a loose weight/get in shape kick right now. When my mostly male co-workers comment on my change in eating habits, I tell them it's for the wedding dress and ask, "Do you want to ask any more questions?" That usually gets them off my back and many of them are actually quite supportive.

So, one of the changes in my eating habits is re-introducing the concept of breakfast. I KNOW it is the most important meal of the day, energy boosting, blah blah blah. But when I have a 1.5 hour commute, all I am thinking about in the morning is getting out of the house.

So last week I started making a big batch of Steel Cut Oatmeal (its the only kind I like now, Mmm its chewy and nutty and so not mushy!). It takes 30+ minutes to cook, so by cooking a big batch, and then portioning it out for the week. I have no excuses! I even sprinkle some dried cherries and rasins on top, so I can attempt to skip my usual pat of butter and heaping tablespoon of brown sugar.

This morning, I came into the office after a lovely and BEAUTIFUL long weekend, with my little glad ware bowl of Mm Mmm congealed oatmeal, and ACK, there was no milk in the fridge. Sadly I had to put blechy water in it to loosen it up, and then I was just sad so I went in search of some sugar to put in it to make it a little better... but I made the mistake of putting in Splenda.

ICKY! Now my gloppy congealed oatmeal tastes like chemicals, except those yummy bites with a dried cherry.

Mental note: Tomorrow put in more dried cherries. They're full of fiber, right?

*updated* - Our office usually is packed high with milk, cream and soy milk, but we were out because of the long weekend and I get in earlier then the milk man delivers. Yes, the milkman delivers to the office.

I also usually use Splenda in drinks, where the taste doesn't bother me, but in the oatmeal, it did. I allowed myself some brown sugar today and topped it off with a few more dried cherries, and all was well.

Dermatology Fun

For years I have had a skin condition called Keratosis Pilaris, which appears as red or white bumps on the outer upper arms and thighs & buttocks, and sometimes the facial cheeks (IT'S HOT!). For some it looks like you have permanent red goosebumps, for me it looks like whiteheads (aka "white pustules" as it was put in my file. Um eww.) and it's worse on my arms, its mild on my thighs and its pretty mild on my face, maybe 10 or so little white bumps at a time. It is genetic and incurable. For most it goes away as they get older, but for others is never improves. YAY me! I get to be in the never improves category. For the most part, it didn't really bother me as a kid, although it was there, I was pretty oblivious to my physical appearance, and likely because I was in the sun all the time the condition was really mild.

Now, as an adult it bugs me. I pick at it, which causes scaring, which just makes the appearance worse. I'd REALLY like it to be all clear and the scars reduced for the wedding/honeymoon so I'm hyper sensitive to it right now.

I have the classic symptoms of it being worse in the winter and better in the summer (the UV rays do good I hear), at least on my arms. Last year, it finally bothered me enough to make an appointment with my NP to get a referral to Dermatology. By the time my NP appointment came around it was summer, and my skin was really mild. ARGH! My NP actually laughed that I wanted a referral. She said they would line her up and shoot her for giving me the referral (FREAKIN HMO CRAP!). Said that lots of people have that and they just deal with it. I just sat there. Looking at her. She said, "What do you want me to do?"

"GIVE ME THE REFERRAL!"

So she did. Begrudgingly. And added to the notes that the patient insisted on the referral. I tell ya, why did she bother seeing me if she would give it to me because I insisted?

So months later, my Dermatology appointment rolled around. I was only seen by a nurse, and she gave me a name for my condition, and told me to exfoliate and use a lotion with AHA twice a day. I also told her that I have been using my boyfriend's prescription acne medication for face acne, so she said, "Would you like your own prescription?". Bam.. just like that. I had some fancy acne stuff, and it was officially in my records that I had acne.

If anyone looks at me, they know I don't have acne. I have always had pretty clear skin, except the arm/thigh thing and the occasional major zit that hangs out for 3-4 weeks.

2 questions here:
How does the referral system save the HMO money, when all I had to do was insist, and then I got any prescription I asked for?
And
Anyone else have experience with Keratosis Pilaris and have found a solution which works for them? Or even just something to reduce the scaring? I really want to get my arms all cleared up and pretty for the big day.

Thanks!

Love Quiz

I saw this over at Stealthybean and I think it's pretty accurate. Ok, ok, maybe I dig the Valentine's day thing a bit. But I still don't need all of the hoopla.

You Are A Romantic Realist

You tend to be grounded when it comes to romance. Sure, you can fall hard... but only for someone you've gotten to know. And once you're in love, you can be a total romantic goofball... But you'd never admit it to your friends!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

Company Love Fest

Yesterday my company threw a little Valentine's Day party of sorts. I found this a little odd because in general I'm one of those anti-Valentines people, at least I don't like to whoop it up like some people. I pretty much see it as just another day, since I feel that everyday we should remember our loved ones (but I'll never refuse the See's chocolates that Eric gives me every year. Mmm Mmm).

So anyway... back to the party.

They rented a popcorn popping cart thingy from the deli across the street, and you REALLY don't want to know the butter like orange stick o'goo that is used to pop and flavor the corn, really you don't

They had all sorts of Red, Pink and White candies and cookies, which were heavily frosted and sugared of course.

And, they showed a movie. Yes, a movie at the office. Please take a moment to imagine a room with 30 or so tech geeks continuing to work on their laptops, sitting in the dark, watching none other then the great 80's teen star John Cusack in "Better Off Dead". CLASSIC!

Well at least now it's classic, since I had never heard of this movie before, and I asked J over at Thinking About, if it was worth my while to stop working for a bit to go watch, and she had never heard of it and she knows all things good about the 80's, so I was skeptical. And then I thought, HEY, I get to totally work half-assed for an hour or so, see a probably crappy movie and then go home, sounds like a good deal to me!

So yea, it was a pretty bad movie although funny at times. It was probably one of those movies where the director was going for the type of show where they threw in all sorts of really bad jokes and stunts and such to get the kids laughing, or maybe the bar was just set really low for 80's teen romantic comedies because you know the teen romantic comedies of today are so good! But it was a fun time, and moments were shared with some co-workers that I don't usually hang out with. So all in all, it was a good choice (but eating those 2 frosted cookies were probably not).

Sesame Street Personality Test

You Are Cookie Monster

Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth. You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around. You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and unsual way of speaking How you live your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!"

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

The Weekend where I catch up

So this weekend was going to be the weekend I catch up on everything I've fallen behind on.
My list included:

1. Work
   
2. Groom Kitties including trimming the nails
3. Filling up the car with gas at Costco - a tank a week adds up
4. Doing my nails
5. Work
   
6. Knit another skein worth of the baby blanket
7. Scrub the bathroom
   
8. Laundry - including putting it all away
   
9. Bills
10. Work
11. General errands
12. Vacuum
13. Scrub those spots in the carpet which I swore I already scrubbed before
    
14. Organize Closets
15. Make Goodwill run
16. Work
17. Organize pile o' papers in office
18. Call friends I never seem to call
19. Work
20. etc.
    

Guess what? It took me longer then a weekend to fall behind, and therefore I should have considered that when I took on this challenge. At least I got one hand worth of nails filed (while sitting on the toilet no doubt..yes, yes, TMI), the knitting part completed, the cat's got groomed but their nails were not trimmed and the bathroom scrubbed! Holy Crap! My bathtub and shower curtain are supposed to be white! Perhaps I'll put that load of laundry that is in the dryer away next weekend, when I start another cycle of weekend catch up.

Oh yea, and one other thing that has been on the list for weeks and it was finally completed... pouring Draino down the bathroom sink. We try to keep to a pretty low-toxin household, but now that it's draining just like it did when we put in that sink, I suppose I have to admit that hair + greasey build up (and no I do not want to think about where the greasy build-up comes from) = slow draining sink + caustic chemicals = smooth drain. So do you? Do you ever think about where the greasy build-up comes from?

East Coast / West Coast

Last night, Eric's best friend in Pittsburgh called up to check in on the wedding plans. Since he is a resident doing his fellowship (a 3 year Cardiology fellowship, plus more if he chooses to specialize in a specialty of his chosen specialty) and needs probably the most notice of all those that need to travel. Magically, this phone call sparked a few decisions on our part. Because HELLO, this was one of the main reasons I was pushing Eric to start planning last year, since it's mainly his side that needs to travel (assuming we don't elope to Hawaii). Of course now, it's me that is slowing the plan train down.

So we talked about the March wedding in a blooming orchard and agreed that it was just too close. Although gorgeous, we should have thought of that sooner. BUT, we can do engagement photos in a blooming orchard! Not quite as magical, but still VERY us and very special.

Eric's best friend said that he wants to be there no matter how small we go, which is something that I know means a whole lot to Eric, since he is out here on the West Coast with me, and his entire family and childhood friends are all back in the Northern East Coast. Eric went to his friend's wedding in India, where he spent a month travelling around the country and had the wonderful opportunity to stay in Kerala with his friend's family for quite a long visit. These two are brothers that just happen to have different parents. When his friend called to tell him he was getting married, and the wedding was going to be in India, Eric said, "Well I guess I'm going to India". There were no questions about it.

Out here, Eric has me, the cats, his business, and some newer friends mostly met through me. He is still very attached to the East, and sometimes we have struggles since I am a girl that is so very tied to the West, and his decision to start a business that is also very much dedicated to this area. We could move elsewhere and he could still have his business, but he'd really have to start over. Besides, its cold in the North East!

Right now, he's good. He's happy to be here. He's happy with me and the cats and the lack of snow. But when we have kids, someone is going to be on a plane a lot. I just don't quite know who it's going to be yet.

Breaking News

I was at a tech convention today and wandered about with some old co-workers talking about the industry we work in and best practices and such, and then we came upon a booth that had video games, TVs, and pinball machines. - hey anything to keep the geeks in your booth! - On the TV was the CNN Situation Room with the BREAKING NEWS! ANNA NICOLE IS DEAD!

Ok someone please tell me how this is breaking news? And why is this story getting so much coverage?

Really, it can't be helping the family. It is purely fueled by our celebrity sensationalism, which is what she lived off of - well that and drugs, and an extremly painful life and somehow an outwordly plush lifestyle - why do I know this?

I stood there with my friend watching the news while being totally shocked at the fact that he even knew who she was, and that he knew her whole story, and that it was on CNN, AND the fact that we were both standing there watching and discussing it.

And now I'm shocked that I just took the time to write about it.

You Mean I Have to PLAN the Wedding?

I seem to think I'm going to get married soon, yet I've planned not a thing and the potential date we settled on, is starting to get really close. We have much to do. Much to decide on. Much shopping and planning and... oh hell, let's elope. Oh wait, eloping still involves planning. CRAP!

So I mentioned this wedding thing up there... yea, right up there, it was mere seconds since your eyes scanned over it. So I keep saying to everyone, "Yea, so we might elope, but I still want the dress, the flowers and the pictures! Oh, and a few people there would be ideal." The thing is, if I still want all of these things, then I still need to make plans, sign contracts and write checks (which require money to back them up, have you heard?). My mom says she is fine with whatever we decide, but I totally heard the pain in her voice when she said that. Eric's mom is actually hoping we elope (don't know what that's about). And our siblings are both down with the date we've given them, but are waiting on confirmation before any flights are booked.

We had finally agreed on a date in June that seemed good for the "must have" guests. But then we think about how much money we could save if we elope now and get Eric on my benefits, and just do a really little thing. But that isn't very romantic or memorable, or really what falls in line with what I want. I know I need to find that balance, and balance is not something I'm really known to find in any aspect of my life. It's one extreme or the other. I admit that I want to be smart with this wedding, and I'm not really an extravagant person, even my dream wedding has a small number of guests but in a location that isn't really easy for people flying in, and therefore pricey.

Plus the thought of asking people to spend 100's of dollars for a weekend where we can only provide one meal, just seems like asking too much. I've never flown anywhere for a wedding, but I'm sure I would for a close friend or relative. We're flying to New Orleans for a wedding in April, so I know people do it, but it just seems so foreign to me. And then it comes down to actually choosing and sadly, ranking people, and not wanting people to feel obligated to come if we do choose to invite them when it just doesn't work for them.

Then Eric came up with the idea to get married in an orchard in bloom. Great idea! Sounds gorgeous! Guess when orchards are in bloom? NEXT MONTH! I contacted our orchard of choice and they don't feel comfortable with the liability of an event, but are open to us taking pictures there, which sounds great... but that means I need to find a dress and photographer in um... a month. Not to mention the cake and someone to marry us, oh and what date is good for you?

Oh yea, and then I'd like to be in better shape because my arms are starting wave back at me, and I have a touch of acne on my shoulders that I'd like to go away for the day.

So June is sounding more reasonable, but still, we need to get our butts into gear and get some decisions made, so people can make plans, cakes can be ordered, photographers can be booked. Huh... SF City hall is looking more and more pretty! Or maybe Hawaii. Hawaii is nice!

No More Green Yarn

So as you've no doubtly noted, I've been in a bit of a stuck place. Depression, stress, procrastination, yadda, yadda, yadda. Unfortunately it is a topic that is very on my mind because, well, it's kinda stopping me from being very productive in my life, work and just being. I am soooo freakin tired about writing about it though, but if I don't write about it, does that mean I'm not being honest with myself? Eh? So there, I mentioned it, it's been documented and now I shall move on with my day.

So this weekend I made a grave mistake. I bought yarn and needles for 2 more knitted projects before I was finished with my current one. Gasp! I KNOW! I have had to stop myself from doing just this for the last week, because I'm growing slightly tired of the baby blanket which I have taken on. This blanket is also stressing me ever so slightly because the baby it is a gift for, is due in a month. I know the baby will be a baby for a little while after that, so really receiving a gift of a blanket will be completely fitting if received a month or so later. But I might pull my hair out, if I only work on this same green yarn, though soft and pretty, and this same pattern for a whole month.

I am quite proud of myself with this blanket though. It is my 3rd project and my first with a pattern, and I'm on my 3rd out of 7 balls of yarn. I have estimated that I must complete 8 rows a day to finish it by March, and I'm no speed knitter so 8 rows takes me over 2 hours, assuming I don't have to stop and fix anything (which I've had to do almost every day for the last few days).

The biggest bonus with making this blanket right now is that it is keeping my lap nice and warm on the cold mornings while I ride the train. Perhaps I'll take a day or two off to give me a break and work with some other pretty... non-green yarn. Maybe a quick scarf so I can feel a little more sense of accomplishment.

Oh, and while on the topic of knitting... the doctor said I have inflamed tendons which are causing the pain and numbing tingling sensation. So resting more often, doing more stretches and being able to knit with my elbows resting on something is totally helping. Taking about 6 days off from it helped... but totally put me behind!

Random thoughts on why it's hard to write sometimes

Sometimes I think I'm a much better commenter then a personal post writer. Either I have posts coming out of my ears and I don't have time to write them all down and then of course forget the ideas, or there's nothing there. And then I read some of your posts, and then I suddenly have a ton to say and I write paragraphs in your comment sections, which I find kinda rude and self centered - but please feel free to do this to me, because I'm just hyper-sensitive to people's perception of my self-centeredness and I loves me the comments, but only if you want to comment, I'm not begging for comments here or measuring my self-worth or how much people like me based on comments. Ok, maybe I am. No I'm not. yea yea, I am.

So I was sitting here thinking... why is it that sometimes I am one of the most talkative people around, yet I feel I don't have anything to write here, or I'm totally the opposite and I sit around silent, and feeling awkward, but I can write a mile a minute here.

I guess it comes down to the moment of inspiration, and frankly whether or not I'm awake, or have already told a particular story and once its out there, I don't think to tell it again. I do often think that once I tell a story to a friend, that since those friends read this, that I don't want to bore them with writing it down again. But really that's silly because I'm not writing this for them. It's for me.

So in the spirit of the original concept of my blog, I am going to stop being so concerned about impressive stories and writing, and just go back to my random thoughts and stuff, because really, that's how my mind works.

Stressed?

So I must say that I laughed at almost all of your very kind and thoughtful comments on my little procrastination post yesterday. Almost every one sent their best wishes on my de-stressing and feeling better. I laughed because when I wrote that post I totally did not write it with a voice of a stressed person (in my head), and when I re-read it... nope, still not overly stressed. But clearly it came across that I was about to loose it.

I mean, I am a little on edge I admit, perhaps because I worked until 2am Tuesday morning but when I declared it time to go to bed I realized that I STILL procrastinated and didn't work on the tasks that were due 2 weeks ago and then I couldn't fall to sleep until about 3am, and then I set my alarm an hour later because 5am was just not happening, so I went with 6am and then snoozed for a round, which thoroughly annoys Eric because for some reason he stayed up late as well, and he didn't have to be up until 7:30am. (les pant, les pant (think Pepé Le Pew's little girl cat he used to run after... she used to pant to catch her breath but would throw in a "les" in front of it cause she was so french). And then I had to remember to drive to work today and not take the train, where I could have slept for an hour and a half, but instead I had to drive because I had a doctor appointment for them to look at my wrist/hand pain which cropped up after I started knitting. And the reason I started knitting was as a form of meditation, and to reduce stress, and damn it its fun, so my hands hurting is so uncool.

So why do you people think I'm stressed?
TeeHee

Procrastination sucks!

I am a procrastinator. I sign up for reasonable sized challenges and projects (where talking in every aspect of life here, not just work), but I have never been one to start on them early or on-time. All through school, and now into my adult life, I still wait until the last minute to do stuff that has deadlines. And if it doesn't have a deadline, then heaven help me if I ever start.

Every time I say... "Next time I won't do this to myself", but I always do.

Plus I'm a perfectionist, so that doesn't really help matters when you are already a few days past the due date and you want it to be perfect. Lots of sleep is lost. Tempers are raised. And the inevitable breakdown will happen at which point Eric will be the wonderful man that he is and will help me through whatever mess I've gotten myself into this time. Even if it is going out to get me comfort food take-out so I don't have to think about the most daunting thought of the night... what to have for dinner?

When I'm stressed, I get all weird about what I'm going to eat. And often I don't eat because I get even more stressed trying to make food or even decide on what will be yummy. Stress is not the healthiest of diets for me. It's bad enough that I am usually not sleeping much by this point, but when I stop eating, then you know it's bad.

My procrastination isn't just about big projects. It also shows itself when it's time to get ready to leave the house. No matter how much I'm looking forward to who I'm going to see or what I'm going to do, I don't seem to start to get ready until I'm supposed to be leaving or honestly, am supposed to be already there. I know.. sad huh? And very frustrating to my friends. I was even late to my 2 rounds of interviews at my current job, but I still go it so I figure I'm just not learning any lessons here so I just keep doing what I do.

I blame this habit on my birth, not my mother, just my birthing situation. I was almost a month late. I had a twin at conception, but was alone at birth and was breech on my due date, so the doctors figured to let me cook a while longer and turn around naturally since I didn't have all of the resources for the first many months of my development (ok that is TOTALLY weirding me out when I think about being a developing fetus). And out I popped a Virgo and not a Leo, which totally makes sense because I'm SOOOo a Virgo.

New Holes

This weekend I was down in Santa Cruz helping out a friend with a project she had taken on. It was fun! but I'm still recovering. Photos and post to follow sometime this week....

On Saturday, after the project was completed and I had zoned out on her parent's couch for a while, I decided it was time to hit the road and head home. Since I was in Santa Cruz, I couldn't help but to stop and do something a little "Santa Cruz"y before I drove home, so I got my ears pierced. Yes, I know.. I'm 30-something (I can't believe I just typed that), and I am now deciding to get my ears pierced.

I got them pierced when I was 15ish, in the mall with one of those piercing guns. The backs never healed and were always a little, ummm.... crusty and one of them was crooked. This is what you get for letting an 18 year old stick things through your head with a spring loaded weapon. I know for many people, the piercing gun works just fine, but it didn't for me.

A few, ok many, years ago I decided to jump on the band wagon and got my navel pierced, so I had researched and had become familiar to more sophisticated piercing techniques. A friend who used to tour with Lollapalooza and worked in a piercing tent (who knew you could go to a concert and do such things), taught me all about the practice and took me to an artist she trusted. I had 2 friends holding my hands and a quick breathe in and breathe out and it was done.

So since I had had that done, I knew what to expect. A co-worker who is still into that sort of thing, recommended an artist in Santa Cruz, and since I was there... hey why not. I have been wanting to do this for a while now, and I would like to wear ear rings for the wedding, so I need to get this done now if they are to heal in time (for whatever date and plans we might make for the wedding).

With the navel piercing there was just one poke, so I wasn't looking forward to the double whammy. It turned out just fine and the artist was very nice and helpful and calming. Honestly, they are healing up much better then the navel since I don't wear pants around my head, but man I am VERY aware of my ears now.

Car Goes Vroom

For the last 4 months, I have been driving my car with the "Req's Maint" light on. No need to worry, I was not taking my life into my own hands (well I was, but my driving skill has nothing to do with this post), this maintenance light is simply triggered by the odometer to remind the driver to get it serviced every 10,000 miles. My last service was right at 80,000 and the service dude never reset the light. Yes I was annoyed but not annoyed enough to pop off little panel to reset it myself, or to take it back to the dealership's service department.

So this week my car rolled into the 90,000's so I took it in for a dreaded major service... and to get that darn light reset. For some reason I continue to take it to the dealership's service department where I know I pay more for it, but I kinda like that I can look up my maintenance records online. Silly I know. I also could change my own oil, but I don't do that either.

My family's mechanic has told my mother to not take it to the dealership I had been going to as they cut corners, and to take it to the dealership in the next town over. So this time I made the switch.

Can I just say that I've never had my car serviced and paid an extraordinary amount of money AND notice my car running better? Of course they also told me that I needed to replace 2 tires, so I knew another couple hundred bucks would be added to my credit card debt this week, but it isn't nearly as painful when I also don't have a car payment.

I swear, I can feel the car run better. It even feels lighter somehow. I didn't really notice it running poorly before, but I really notice that it's smoother now.

I don't know if it just needed the service and even taking it to my old dealership would have done the trick, or if it the service really is that much better at the new place, but for now, I will drive the few extra miles.

Happy Weekend driving all!

Page 123 MeMe

I saw this MeME over at Ally Bean's Crazy Dust in My Coffee, and I thought it sounded fun. So here's goes:

1. Find the nearest book.
2. Name the book & the author.
3. Turn to page 123.
4. Go to the fifth sentence on the page. Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
5. Tag three more folks.

Since the closest book is the phone book, and that's boring, and then is a dictionary, I shall reach a little further and grab the first non-listy book:

Gaia's Garden - A Guide to Home-Scale Permaculture by Toby Hemenway
5th, 6th & 7th sentence of page 123:

"Spiders and birds also thrived in these thickets. Whenever pests swarmed into the adjacent fields, predators were waiting in the wings to gobble up this new food source. With all of the nature standing ready in hedgerows and fallow fields to right any imbalance, pest problems rarely got out of hand."

Well aren't you hungry now? Mmm swarming pests being gobbled up!
I'd tag people, but pretty much anyone who reads this, read's Ally Bean and you probably already did it if you wanted to, so I shall leave this one tagless.

What to wear?

This last Saturday was my company's annual party. I haven't been here long enough to know what kind of parties this place throws, but I do know they like their alcohol.

About 2 weeks before the party, I received an invitation in the mail... at home. Dress - Black Tie optional. Now I was already shocked that they didn't just send out an email because you know that would be cheaper, but BLACK TIE OPTIONAL? Holy Crap! What kind of shindig is this?

The invitation also noted that there would be plenty of food, an open bar, and Wii and PlayStation2 setups, and a live Karaoke Band. What is a live Karaoke band you ask? It's a band that knows a whole lot of songs, really well, and they hand you a list, you pick and then you entertain the crowd with your well trained voice.. NOT!

So I was quite confused by what to expect because on one hand it sounds like it's gonna be fancy with the dress options, and on the other hand... video games?

With my procrastination habits in tow, I waited until the last possible moment to venture out to find a dress for this occasion, Saturday afternoon. Yup, 4 hours before I had to jump into the shower. I debated on what shopping center I might have the most luck at, and I incorrectly choose the close, cheap and umm... now I know, trashy one. But it was closer to home, and the car wash which I had a coupon for, so I ran with it. (and yes, I had to get my car washed because I had no time to wash it and I can't let the valet guys see my dirty Civic. Standards people, standards!)

After much frantic trying on, I actually walked out with 3 dresses, 2 of the three drastically marked down (i.e. Ann Taylor brown strapless number - orig. $178, sale $59). I had my heart set on wearing the Ann Taylor dress, but after visiting every shoe store in the mall, I found no appropriate shoes... BUMMER! The other two dresses were black and I had a pair of strappy dress sandals at home which could be worn one more time before they officially die from 6 years of being the only dressy shoes I own.

I ended up wearing the least expensive of all of the dresses, as it was very comfortable and a little less formal, and most importantly I could wear a normal bra with it (you boys out there have no idea!). Of course I was dressed down in comparison to the gowns that were there, but there were also people in jeans, so it was really nothing I should have worried about.

I will wear the brown number to a wedding in April in New Orleans, so I have a little more time to find "the" shoes. Zappos.com had some that were cute, but I've never paid $200 for shoes, especially ones I've never tried on, so we'll have to see how that goes.

All in all, it was a great party. Eric looked hot in his suit, and most people didn't recognize me in a dress with the hair up and make-up applied. Food was eaten. Songs were sung. Dances were danced. A few drinks were drunk (a few more by Eric then by me, as I was the driver, which is probably why he was on the stage singing and not me). And yes, many a game were played (Eric wants a Wii now!).

I wonder what they'll do next year?

CAN'T STOP KNITTING

I swear this blog will not become a knitting blog... ok maybe it will a little bit, but I must admit this last week I have become addicted to knitting.

I have all of these projects running around in my head. I want all sorts of tools and toys and yarn and books. There are so many great free resources on the web that I find myself a tad distracted. I want more people around me to be pregnant so I can makes lots of baby blankets. It's a good thing that I love scarves, as I want one in almost all of the soft fuzzy colors I've seen. And have you seen this thing called the 'INTERNET'? There is so much more stuff out there.... if only I could touch it all!

Yes, I went back to JoAnn's this week, and purchased new needles and yarn for my next project as I was coming very close to the end of my first one (I don't want to be on a 2 hour train ride with no yarn to be knitting!). And yes, I was so excited to show Eric the new yarn, that I immediately balled it up, and cast it onto my new needles (size 15 is SO much funner then size 8 -- ACK I'm a knitting geek!). Soon it was 2 hours past my bedtime and I was still sitting on the bed knitting away at my new fluffy scarf.

I've seen this crafting monster in me before. It's the one that spends way too much money on filling up the attic with storage bins of projects that are never finished. I swore I would not buy anything for a new project until I was finished with the first, but there are sales and Internet coupons to be used! And babies that need blankets, and heads that need hats, and Sunday naps that need afghans.

I truly hope I do not really start a stash of projects undone, but it's very very tempting. I think I know what kind of presents I'll be giving from now on. My friends and family will be very warm.


**update**
I finished my first project last night, and I am almost done with the chunky scarf as of my train ride into work. Hmm... what will my next project be. Donna, you ready to give me another lesson?

Aren't cat's great models?

Chilly Tushy

Most everyone has noticed that the weather in our respected areas of the world is just not what it usually is this time of year. Here in Northern California, it is cold. Way colder then a normal winter. And it's been pretty dry, which adds to the chill factor since we haven't had much rain to warm things up.

It is known that buildings in this area are not well insulated. Even though we have really hot summers, builders of the 70's and earlier just didn't insulate like they do today, so this winter, heaters have been running almost non-stop.

One area of each building I've been in over the last month or so that is so incredibly cold is...the Bathroom (or Restroom if you prefer I write more gentile-like). I fist noticed it in my office building with the ladies room which has a wall of window glass (frosted of course) and I figured the chill was due to heat lose through the window, but I've noticed the excessively chilly porcelain in almost any bathroom I've had the pleasure of visiting this winter.

Has anyone else noticed this design flaw most likely put together by a man? Is this just a specific design in this normally warmer area of the world? Or is this really the norm and my tushy is suddenly more sensitive to the chills of winter?

A New Reason to Ride the Train to Work

This weekend, I met up with a friend, Donna of DonnazChaos, who I have re-connected with through the blogosphere . We met on Saturday at one of the most dangerous stores around.... JoAnn's Fabric and Craft Superstore.

You see, I'm a crafter at heart but I'm not very good at following through. Growing up my grandmother crocheted her little heart out and filled her home with doilies and afghans. She taught me the basics but I never took them anywhere. My mom, being a piano teacher for kids, always had crafty things for the kids to make to solidify musical theory into there little sponges for brains (I know music theory crafts don't sound that fun, but I loved it and she's been doing it for 40 years and it seems to still work with the little ones). I grew up with bins and bins of crafting supplies, and we never threw anything out, but we also rarely used the left over bits and pieces so they usually went off to the local preschool. I have started many projects with good intentions, and they oh so often end up in the trash as I get tired of moving them with me from place to place.

For the last 5 or so years, I have started a few projects but mostly swore off crafting as it tends to overtake my life, and my house, and the attic fills with storage bins of fabric, and such for projects that never even got started or rarely finished. Of course I still have the baby fleece I bought to make baby blankets for a little man that is now 2 years old. And so my return to JoAnn's was a dangerous step down the road I had fought hard to stay away from.

Donna is a very crafty and talented woman who was so kind as to donate her Saturday morning to me to teach me to knit. I had been thinking that I wanted to learn for a few months, when Donna found my blog and we started emailing, and she agreed to pass on her knowledge.

We walked up and down every aisle of the yarn craft section and fondled all of it as she told me about how each one can be used, how to read the labels and stories of what she has made with this kind or that. It was a little overwhelming, and she was very patient with me as I selected yarn for my first project. She was a great teacher, and had obviously taught people before as she knew exactly how to break down all of the steps. It was a great way to start the long weekend and I got to learn a new skill and catch up with a friend.

If I stop ripping out the scarf and starting over... perhaps it'll be done by summer.

Big or Small?

Thank you all for your excellent advice and feedback in the realm of wedding planning fun.

We are not extravagant people, and very practical at that, so spending a lot on a day, albeit a very special day, is not something we take lightly at all. Plus, we're not exactly broke, but we continue to live paycheck to paycheck. Our parent's are not helping with the festivities, although my mother has offered to help pay for something, but I know their financial situation so I'm not about to ask for any assistance. Plus, we are in the process of trying to fix up our place to rent it out or sell it, so that we can move so the throught of additional debt is really not appealing and if my mortgage broker knew about this plan, he's smack me as hard as he could through the phone.

Since I have worked in catering for both small and large companies, and of course gone to many weddings myself, I have seen many takes on how extravagant to make the day. Our first plan was to have a BBQ/potluck where we provide the meat, beverages and sundries, and we ask everyone else to bring side dishes. If I had any sort of catering or restaurant type of meal, I would want to go too far the other way because THAT is the kind of stuff that I love to do and I like the wow factor and seeing my guests smile. Any dinner party I have, or even if I am preparing something at a friend's house, I like to go for the wow. Let my loved one's know that I love them through the food I prepare or serve them (you see the theme in the need to have wonderful food?)

The idea with the potluck, was that since Food = Love, that we wanted people to bring food as that would be a way for our loved ones to gather around us to "feed us" love. Some people feel loved with gifts... me, it's food. And Eric really doesn't want gifts (I haven't taken him registry shopping yet so he doesn't really know the possibilities) so he was full on board with the potluck idea.

But then we got all excited about other ideas. Like going to Yosemite, which turned into a BIG deal, and that was the plan which included way too much expense and time for our guests. Perhaps we can still carry out the Yosemite idea if we elope, or maybe Hawaii, or Fiji? Man eloping sounds fun!

I am battling with my dreams and my reality, and it's not easy. I don't want to ever look back and wish we had done things differently (I'm very much a "What if" type of person). I don't like to regret decisions, and I know this is simply something I need to get over and learn how to be comfortable with me and what I've done in my life.

I'm Sorry that Date isn't Good for Me

We have been putting off planning our wedding for far too long. We have too many family and friends who we would like there, that have to travel so we know we need to let them know as far in advance as possible to allow for vacation time and travel planning. This week we have been trying to solidify our guest list, general details and the big one.. the DATE.

I know we can't make everyone happy, and traveling for a weekend or more for someone else is expensive and sometime sucks, but it's OUR WEDDING!

We'd also like to see these people as much as possible, so if they can be there before the wedding it would be ideal so we can leave for our honeymoon a day or so after. But if we butt the day up too close to school getting out, then people want to stay after and can't come sooner.

My ideal wedding is too expensive for the guests and included expensive lodging and rental cars and much driving, plus flights and a lot of time. We can't afford to pay for everyone, so that dream went out the window. So we are trying to stay more local for us, which will still include flights for many, rental cars, and such, but not as much driving time and slightly cheaper lodging. The whole wedding/honeymoon is going on credit so we're trying to balance dreams with reality. It sucks!

And then there is the guest list. Ranking your friends is not fun, and it forces you to come to terms with friendships that have ended or have waned to the point that when it comes down to numbers you have to cut them.

Perhaps we want too much for our day.
Perhaps we want too many people there.
Perhaps we are too stubborn on who we want there.
Perhaps we are trying to be too accommodating.
Perhaps eloping is a REALLY GOOD IDEA! but then we'd have to pick out witnesses and all hell breaks loose again.

Many of you have gone through this experience. What advice or stories do you have to share?

Blog Reading... all caught up

Since mid-December, my blog reading slowed dramatically. I chose to keep up on the very few blogs where I know and interact with their authors on a semi-daily basis, so I could keep up to date with them. It's kinda funny how even though these are friends who I mostly talk to, or at least IM with for a few minutes everyday, we still really keep up on each other through our blogs. Which goes to show you that we truly are open people on our blogs, as you get all the juicy details that you would tell to a really good friend.

Ok, maybe not all of the details. Like I know that my friend's kid clogs the toilet more often then the parents... you know stuff like that doesn't always get shared on the blog.

So after almost a month of an effort to focus on improving my productivity and functionality in my life as a whole, I have caught up on most of my blog reading.

Bloglines (0)

Of course, I was not able to read ALL of the posts of the blogs I like to follow, because some of you had a good 30+ posts, and blogger/google has been having mucho issues and maintenance going on, so my little 10-15 breaks were being bombarded with 500 errors, so I admit I did spend more time on you wordpress, typepad and personal domainers out there.

That being said, I am now limiting my bloggy activities to 30 minutes per day. If I'm not reading or doing any other activity on the train (and I actually get my butt to the train station on time everyday so I don't have to drive to work) I will be writting my posts then so that doesn't count into my 30 minutes per day. If I'm unable to keep to my 30 minute allowance, then I will have to weigh out the pros and cons of just reading or just writting, or maybe I might have to give it up. I'm so not an in-between type of person. I'm all about the extremes.

At least now that Bloglines doesn't say I have 194 posts to read, it isn't quite so daunting (although it appears that many blogspot RSS feeds aren't working so who knows if I really do have more posts to read and I'm just kidding myself into believing I've caught up). But it does give me an exercise in choosing and sticking to my priorities.

Five Things You May Not Know About Me

Even though I am a WAY OPEN person, and sometimes I open things up too much and let things spill that really should be kept inside, I'm sure there are some things that you may not know about me. I also tend to write about things that are happening right now, and don't look back at the past because sometimes that sucks and it's better to keep looking forward. But sometimes, it great to look back. To remember good times and bad and to reflect on who we are today, because of those times we've lived (gosh that was gooshy). I've been tagged to do this meme which contains 5 things you don't know about me.

1. Since Dennis tagged me, and most of you don't know Dennis this is easily my #1. I met him in my "Raving" days, I laugh when I think of that because I'm such the straight laced, control freaky type that DO NOT go to raves (anymore). I was totally too old to be going to raves, but my new man, Eric, who is now my fiance, was shocked (along with many other co-workers), that I had never been to a rave let alone a club. Eric had found a really great bunch of super creative, open minded people with great big hearts to hang out with and Dennis was among this group. I am envious of Dennis' life as he takes awesome pictures which I drool over, he is a founder of his own company, he gets to work from home and therefore since he is his boss, he gets to take time off in the middle of the week to go do stuff like this (well he didn't DO that, but he went to watch and take wonderful pictures). He's also very involved in the San Francisco culture, travels a ton and participates in life to it's fullest. I'm honored to be tagged by Dennis, because he's still one of the cool kids that I like to look up to.
2. I've been engaged 3 times, and this time it's STICKING. The first time I was in high school, and few people should get seriously engaged in high school. I suppose we thought we were serious, but no dates were ever set, just a lot of dreaming... and then I grew up, woke up and moved on. Sadly this means I missed out on a lot of high school life. The second time was fast and painful. The day was all planned out, and deposits were made, and then a house was purchased. We moved in together and then I realized that this is not someone I could live with. I was not ready to live a life of compromise. Perhaps now I am more ready, but come on! We could never go to out to eat without a scene because he hated cooked vegetables, and heaven forbid any food items touch each other. Oh and he didn't like any sort of sauce...so there goes Chinese food, soups, stews... you get why I had to leave? He also was very particular about the way household chores were done. I'm a control freak already, and I learned that two control freaks shouldn't live together. We were broken up in less then a year (yes, that means we got engaged after only a few months of dating). He got the house and the dog, and I got an apartment and the cats. And I learned a ton about myself and life lessons that were hard learned, but have made me the much more loving and compassionate person that I am today. And you know what? compromise isn't all that bad.
   
3. I LOVE to cook and bake. Ok, most of you have probably figured that out about me already. But I don't just love it, I need to do it. This is how I express my love (so you can see why the second engagement didn't work out so well). I got this gift (or sometimes curse) from my father, and let me tell you how thrilled he was when Eric and I came over the other evening, with empty bellies. He served us up a breakfast for dinner, and his fried eggs and ham are the best!
4. I don't know if I've mentioned this one before, because sometimes I don't like to go there because sometimes people take it like I'm saying I'm better then they are, but after my experience, I fully know that this experience does not in any way trump life experience, handed down stories and lessons, and just plain ol' hard work and experimentation. I went to culinary school after the dot.com boom. I was laid off from my software job and did some sole searching which landed me with student loan debt until 2017. I figured that I didn't have a mortgage or kids, and didn't ever want to think "If only I had gone to culinary school...", so I went. I loved it. I sucked everything out of it I could. I worked for my chefs in their personal catering businesses, I did some catering of my own, and worked for 2 large catering companies in the area. I also continued to work at a resort hotel restaurant for 2 years, even though that software company that had laid me off, asked me to come back a few months after I had started school. At some point, I decided to buy a house and suddenly $11.50/hour at 3-4 jobs wasn't cutting it and I went back to high tech full time. I love having weekends, nights and holidays off that much! My shoe size also went up a whole size from standing all day and night, and my upper back issues went away, but the lower back troubles took it's place. Now the feet are still bigger, but my lower back is better and the upper back pain is back in full force.
   
5. I once went on a train trip across the US from CA to DC. I was 7 years old (I think), and my mom took my brother and I to a National Choristers Guild Conference in our nation's capital. My mom was a minister of music (they didn't ordain women back in the day), so I grew up in chior. My mom got really lucky, as there was another family travelling from CA to IL, that had 2 boys who were both mine and my brother's age. We tore up that train, annoyed many passengers and had a blast! The conference in DC wasn't half bad either. After choir practice, there were organized day trips for the kids and the teens (separate of course, as what teenager wants to hang out with his 7 year old sister when he was big and cool at 11). My mom gave us each $20 each day for food and souvenirs. I didn't eat much each day, as I managed to purchase a stuffed animal at each location...except at the US Mint, where I bought a 24K gold necklace for $18. A possible sign I was starting to grow up already.

Wooo Weee! that was longer then I expected.
So the next part of this meme, is that I'm to tag 5 people, but please feel free to run with it if you so feel the urge. And with that I am tagging: -Starshine, Ginger, LaLuna, PyKorry, and J.

To Shop or not to Shop

My team lead perhaps just made the biggest mistake of his day just now. He was simply hoping to show me some cool new online retail technology and talk to me about Amazon.com's new business direction and wanted me to see their new beta boutique site that just launched. Go to it and see for yourself.... Endless.com

Now I ask you, how am I supposed to get my deliverables completed today?

Happy Friday!

Wait Your Turn

I am the type of person that worries. I'm also the type that gets irritated at other people whom really have very little impact on my life. I do realize that this is really quite silly and adds a touch of self-destruction to my life because really it is worth upsetting myself over such insignificant actions as someone cutting someone else off or someone not using their turn signal? Really it's not worth it.

About 7 years ago I came to a realization that my irritation at drivers was sooo not worth taking that anger home, and therefore so not worth starting in the first place. I kind of came to peace with idiot drivers, and that people are people and they make mistakes. Of course I still want them to realize they make mistakes so I'm still working on my irritation of drivers that are clueless to how their actions effect others.

In general, I am hyper sensitive to how my actions effect others. So I therefore expect others to do the same. Maybe I need to work on the hyper part of my sensitivity, but really, it is so much to ask that if there is an obvious line waiting to get onto the train, and people coming off, and everyone in the LINE is stepping back and allowing these nice people to get off the train, must you, the ever important man with the acid washed 80's Levi Jean Jacket and very short crew cut, push your way passed the LINE and upset the outgoing passengers so you can stand in the train? You didn't even try to get a seat. You just stood there, now blocking those in the LINE calmly walking onto the train.

You see? Sure he was the rock the the middle of the stream that disturbed the glass like surface, but really was it so much of a disturbance that I aught to notice? And then secretly laugh inside my head when the train was delayed due to "Police action" at a station down the line, and he obviously was bothered by his day being disturbed so he paced for a few minutes and then stomped off the train in a huff? (tee hee) And then here I am, I've made it to the office, 1/2 an hour late yet I still have the images and my feelings of irritation fresh on my fingertips.

Why should I care?
Why does my mind see these things, and then hold onto them?

Perhaps my mother scolded me often as a child to not cut in line. Or to watch out for people around me as I spun around in circles, singing aloud in the middle of the aisle of the grocery store. Whatever it was that caused my sensitivity to the effects and feelings of those around me, I'm sure my mother had something to do with it. It always comes down to the parents.

Family Vacation Planning

After being away from the blog for a few weeks, and not really reading much, I feel I have so much to write about and to catch up on. There are Christmas stories, and travel stories, and the New Years stories and meltdowns and the awesome book I'm reading, but first things first.

I need your help.

In April, much of Eric's family is travelling down to New Orleans for the wedding of his cousin (his 3rd wedding... and he's just 30. I'm not judging!) The Bride grew up in the New Orleans area, and her uncle has offered up his VERY nice and spacious home and property for the event which is about 20 miles from the city. Many crawdads and beingets will be eaten and I'm so looking forward to the whole ordeal.

Our little side of the family that is travelling in is 7 adults and 3 kids big, coming from 4 different airports. The Bride's side of the family is HUGE, so we're going into this head on as a group so as not to get lost in all the southern hospitality. Just getting all of those flights booked to come in and go out at the same time, at a good rate was a challenge in itself, but we got that accomplished.

The first part of the trip is 100% wedding focused. We are staying in the town of the wedding so we are there for all of the events and festivities, and the wedding party can really gel (Eric and his niece are both included). The bride picked out a few hotels in the area, and Eric's aunt took care of those reservations which was immensely kind of her to take on that expense and task to book room preferences for everyone. Mostly everyone was pleased with her selection but you can't bitch if you don't pay so that has worked out just fine.

Most of us have not been to New Orleans, so we opted to stay a few extra days to see the sites. The thing is, we decided to stay in the French Quarter since that is really the area we want to explore. But then there is the question of where to stay, and then silly me volunteered to research hotels. This chunk of the trip, everyone is paying their own lodging so now I have inadvertently volunteered to spend other people's money, so I'm trying to balance expense with amenities and location, and still try to make everyone happy. You see I'm insane.

So here is where I ask for your help.
Is there anyone who has taken on such a task that can give some advice?
Has anyone planned a trip to the French Quarter or lives in the area that can recommend a hotel/inn?

So far my research is going well, but feedback and input from others is what makes my world go round so any information and advice is much appreciated.

A New Year Already?

With the new year comes thoughts and plans for the next year and a look back at the past. I start thinking, and planning out all that I would like to do and change and goals I would like to accomplish, and then Eric I and start talking about our thoughts and dreams for the year, and realize that they don't always align, and then I generally get all overwhelmed and don't want to even think about tomorrow, and I want to eat cookies or take a nap. And then the next thing I know it's 11pm, and I'm tired and crabby, and have already had a few meltdowns this year.

Every year I do this. I think about all that I wanted to do last year but didn't, I vow I will do them all the next year, and then I don't and then I beat myself up about it all. I also say that I don't do resolutions because really it's just torture, plus I'm an over planner and a perfectionist as it is, so I'm in a constant state of goal setting, and breaking, and beating myself up and then re-setting the goals, which then gets broken again... you see the cycle?

So even though I say I don't do new years resolutions, I am going to instate a life resolution to be kind to myself and to learn to set the bar low(er). We'll see how this goes.

Happy New Year all!