Today just FEELS like a very glorious Friday doesn't it? I mean, I already feel some of the stress of the week melting away, even though it's still in the AM around these parts and I still have at least 2-3 days worth of work to get done today. But for some reason I don't really care! I mean I care about my work and I'll be a busy bee today, but I'm not stressing over it. SWEET! (ask me if I still feel that way at 3pm and deadlines are looming)
With urging from loved ones, I finally sat down with my mortgage papers and I THINK we'll be ok as the whole ARM kicks in. The terms, which I didn't really pay THAT much attention to when I signed the papers, are actually ok. Not AWESOME, but depending on the economy, it will be ok for a little while. Yes I know I should have fully understood everything, but I was young(er), and fully thought I'd be out of here by the time this whole adjustable bit came into play. Funny how THAT didn't happen. We definitely need to adjust how we think about it and how we are handling it, but we knew we'd have to do that soon anyway. At least for now, I'm not freaking out about it as much as I was. Just needed to know a little more about what I as freaking out about, which helped me control the freak (out).
So I guess we'll finally have our merging of the finances talk soon. This newly married, independent, financially stable girl will need to learn to either let go of the control, or take on more or SHARE the responsibility. (which really is about the control thing too). Eric isn't bad with money, he's just not as obsessively organized about it like I am. Some adjusting will soon commence. (Internal monologue: Change is good. Change is good.)
I'm also already totally looking forward to Christmas this year which very much helps with the stress of today. Not the most mindful thing to do, but you know... vacations are fun to look forward to. We're planning on renting a cabin in New Hamshire with the in-laws. They live on the other coast, so we don't get to see them often. So a week or so of hang time, is very much being looked forward to. There will be snow, and fires in the fireplace, and this place has a great stocked kitchen so I'm already thinking of the meals we'll have there.
Its funny how my stress tends to ebb and flow, and at such quick rates of change. (Funny - crazy, weird and somewhat annoying). I'm just happy that today, it appears to be on the way of the ebb.
Happy Friday everyone!
Oh - and I got my BackTack4 buddy assignment today. Hi Mimi!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Why Now?
Um yea. It's after 1am and I have found myself steadily working away on something I struggled with all day. Why NOW am I suddenly able to focus on it? Ok, I'm obviously not totally focusing on it, because I'm now over here typing these thoughts but really this is my attempt at breaking my focus so I'll go to bed already!
Also, I just HAPPEN to glance at my company's stock price (which I generally try to avoid doing these days) and ouch! I guess I should pay more attention to the good ol'economy, but all the main street, wall street, Lehman Bros., Bail-Out talk pretty much has me averting my eyes and ears. I felt a panic attack coming on earlier today when a friend asked about my mortgage sitch, which tells me I should probably deal with it if it's getting to me that badly. I generally enjoy living in my bubble, but I guess I should pop it for a while to get things straightened out. But then I'm going right back in.
Speaking of panic attacks... I totally had one the other night, IN MY SLEEP! and then in my awake but sorta asleep state it continued. Whatever dream I was having I continued to think/dream about it even though I was awake and the panic continued along with it (and it wasn't at all about money, today was the first little panic around the monies). I got up and got a drink of water, used the bathroom, petted the cat, and the panic continued. After a few hours of doing all I knew to try. I eventually woke up Eric to rub my back because then I could at least take in a deep breathe with the hopes of getting at least another hour of sleep in before the damn alarm would go off for my early morning Monday meeting marathon. Lovely husband that he is, was very patient with me at 4am and helped me relax so I could sleep another hour. Amazing what touch can do.
and I do know why I'm awake right now. It's that darn Barq's Root Beer I had at dinner. I rarely drink soda and tend to stick to water, tea and milk, but after our run tonight I realized there was little more then a few cans of beans and tomatoes in our pantry and that was all the excuse I needed to jump in the car and head to a fast food joint (run and eat a burger... sweet!). I woke up rather cranky today and it got worse through the day and yea, after running with a sore half ass and the cranky mood, I totally went to Jack in the Box. There I got a too greasy meal which came with a drink, and no I didn't push that little button to get water, I got a soda. A, what I thought to be caffeine-free Root Beer soda, even though in the back of my mind I was remembering that Barq's is the only Root Beer with caffeine but I got it anyway. Damn! I could have had the favored Dr. Pepper and been just as wide awake. Why? Why?
I've clearly lost it or the caffeine is just working its magic, so regardless (I really want to type irregardless just to be funny and annoy people but I digress) I'm going to go up to bed now, and attempt to turn off my head and just accept that I didn't finish what I wanted/needed to do today and that once again time slipped away from me. Perhaps a moment of mindfull meditation will lull me into the calm I couldn't find earlier. Om.
Also, I just HAPPEN to glance at my company's stock price (which I generally try to avoid doing these days) and ouch! I guess I should pay more attention to the good ol'economy, but all the main street, wall street, Lehman Bros., Bail-Out talk pretty much has me averting my eyes and ears. I felt a panic attack coming on earlier today when a friend asked about my mortgage sitch, which tells me I should probably deal with it if it's getting to me that badly. I generally enjoy living in my bubble, but I guess I should pop it for a while to get things straightened out. But then I'm going right back in.
Speaking of panic attacks... I totally had one the other night, IN MY SLEEP! and then in my awake but sorta asleep state it continued. Whatever dream I was having I continued to think/dream about it even though I was awake and the panic continued along with it (and it wasn't at all about money, today was the first little panic around the monies). I got up and got a drink of water, used the bathroom, petted the cat, and the panic continued. After a few hours of doing all I knew to try. I eventually woke up Eric to rub my back because then I could at least take in a deep breathe with the hopes of getting at least another hour of sleep in before the damn alarm would go off for my early morning Monday meeting marathon. Lovely husband that he is, was very patient with me at 4am and helped me relax so I could sleep another hour. Amazing what touch can do.
and I do know why I'm awake right now. It's that darn Barq's Root Beer I had at dinner. I rarely drink soda and tend to stick to water, tea and milk, but after our run tonight I realized there was little more then a few cans of beans and tomatoes in our pantry and that was all the excuse I needed to jump in the car and head to a fast food joint (run and eat a burger... sweet!). I woke up rather cranky today and it got worse through the day and yea, after running with a sore half ass and the cranky mood, I totally went to Jack in the Box. There I got a too greasy meal which came with a drink, and no I didn't push that little button to get water, I got a soda. A, what I thought to be caffeine-free Root Beer soda, even though in the back of my mind I was remembering that Barq's is the only Root Beer with caffeine but I got it anyway. Damn! I could have had the favored Dr. Pepper and been just as wide awake. Why? Why?
I've clearly lost it or the caffeine is just working its magic, so regardless (I really want to type irregardless just to be funny and annoy people but I digress) I'm going to go up to bed now, and attempt to turn off my head and just accept that I didn't finish what I wanted/needed to do today and that once again time slipped away from me. Perhaps a moment of mindfull meditation will lull me into the calm I couldn't find earlier. Om.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Taming the Lazy
A few weeks ago I was inspired by Angie and J to get off my butt and to start doing something about my growing assets (clearly not the stock market kind of assets by the look of the DOW lately). Sure, as we age things change and it gets harder to get in shape, stay in shape and we have to pay a little more attention to what we eat and do. Working full-time with a killer commute doesn't freely give me a lot of time to be in the shape I'd like to be in. So I have to make the time and work it into my routine, which kind of goes against the lazy which encroaches on me when I'm at home.
Angie suggested I try the "Couch Potato to 5K" plan she used, and she recently completed her first 5K (and this woman has kids and an organic farm, so what's my excuse?). I had actually read this plan a few years ago but never got out there to do it.
J, I have always seen her to be a lovely, well balanced mother, wife and woman, who knows the importance of staying active. She works full-time, cooks for her family, reads, spend quality time with family and friends, and still takes the time to go on long walks and goes to yoga.
If these women, who have far more complicated lives then I, can take the initiative and the effort to get in shape, well then by golly I can do it too! Of course this means getting up early in the morning because it's dark by the time I get home, or would be dark half way through the run, and I'm a chicken like that. I'm not so good at the get up in the morning, but I'm trying.
Things are going well with this training to run thing, you know after a week. Eric is out running/walking with me and we're both already noticing it getting easier. Each time we go out I notice parts of my body being tight then loosening, and I'm just overall really mindful of my body (and the little pains which come and go).
Last weekend we threw in the hike we used to do everyday back when we were younger and were training for a Yosemite backpacking trip. We used to be able to do this hilly 3 mile hike in 45 minutes. This time it took us 75 minutes but we didn't try to push it, and we stood and watched a hawk and a bunch of baby cows for quite a while. I was just thrilled that I could get up the hills without huffing and puffing. Slow and steady was the motto.
The funny thing is, I felt only slightly sore after all of this. But one morning of bowling at a work party/offsite outing, and my left cheek is so SORE! Who knew bowling worked the body that much! I'm feeling pretty off balance, so maybe I should run tonight but only make left turns or do a lot of stair climbing with only my right leg. I guess if I were to take up bowling regularly (I can't afford it but you know if...) then I'd have a really hot half an ass!
Angie suggested I try the "Couch Potato to 5K" plan she used, and she recently completed her first 5K (and this woman has kids and an organic farm, so what's my excuse?). I had actually read this plan a few years ago but never got out there to do it.
J, I have always seen her to be a lovely, well balanced mother, wife and woman, who knows the importance of staying active. She works full-time, cooks for her family, reads, spend quality time with family and friends, and still takes the time to go on long walks and goes to yoga.
If these women, who have far more complicated lives then I, can take the initiative and the effort to get in shape, well then by golly I can do it too! Of course this means getting up early in the morning because it's dark by the time I get home, or would be dark half way through the run, and I'm a chicken like that. I'm not so good at the get up in the morning, but I'm trying.
Things are going well with this training to run thing, you know after a week. Eric is out running/walking with me and we're both already noticing it getting easier. Each time we go out I notice parts of my body being tight then loosening, and I'm just overall really mindful of my body (and the little pains which come and go).
Last weekend we threw in the hike we used to do everyday back when we were younger and were training for a Yosemite backpacking trip. We used to be able to do this hilly 3 mile hike in 45 minutes. This time it took us 75 minutes but we didn't try to push it, and we stood and watched a hawk and a bunch of baby cows for quite a while. I was just thrilled that I could get up the hills without huffing and puffing. Slow and steady was the motto.
The funny thing is, I felt only slightly sore after all of this. But one morning of bowling at a work party/offsite outing, and my left cheek is so SORE! Who knew bowling worked the body that much! I'm feeling pretty off balance, so maybe I should run tonight but only make left turns or do a lot of stair climbing with only my right leg. I guess if I were to take up bowling regularly (I can't afford it but you know if...) then I'd have a really hot half an ass!
Friday, October 03, 2008
Hopefully the only politics related post (this week)
**uncensored because we've got to tell it the way it is**
I know this has already gone around, but seriously people..... register to vote, and then educate yourself on what you're going to vote on and then get to the freakin' polling place and do it!
I had forgotten that I needed to re-register since I changed my last name when I got married. Thankfully I still had a few weeks before the cut-off date in California. So any of you newly married folks who changed your name, make sure you register!
I know this has already gone around, but seriously people..... register to vote, and then educate yourself on what you're going to vote on and then get to the freakin' polling place and do it!
I had forgotten that I needed to re-register since I changed my last name when I got married. Thankfully I still had a few weeks before the cut-off date in California. So any of you newly married folks who changed your name, make sure you register!
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Back-Tacking
Yo!
This is a call to those cool and crafty! Or maybe just cool and good in the kitchen!
I found this pen-pal like gift exchange called Back-Tack a few years ago, but I always seem to miss the sign-up cutoff. It's a global gift exchange organized by 2 bloggers who met via.... well, blogging. I believe they are both located in Australia, and they are of the crafty sort and thought it would be fun to connect other people who are of the crafty sort, give them a theme, some rules and pair them up with a crafting exchange buddy and let the fun begin! This year's theme is "Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh" and this year the gifts do not have to be crafty but at least one item should be made by your hands, whether in the kitchen or in another crafty way. All of the rules are here, where you can also check out past year's exchanges.
The organizers took a year off but this year's back-tack sign up starts TODAY (well September 30th @ 9am AEST)! Only space for 250 people, so if it sounds cool to you, click and go!
This is a call to those cool and crafty! Or maybe just cool and good in the kitchen!
I found this pen-pal like gift exchange called Back-Tack a few years ago, but I always seem to miss the sign-up cutoff. It's a global gift exchange organized by 2 bloggers who met via.... well, blogging. I believe they are both located in Australia, and they are of the crafty sort and thought it would be fun to connect other people who are of the crafty sort, give them a theme, some rules and pair them up with a crafting exchange buddy and let the fun begin! This year's theme is "Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh" and this year the gifts do not have to be crafty but at least one item should be made by your hands, whether in the kitchen or in another crafty way. All of the rules are here, where you can also check out past year's exchanges.
The organizers took a year off but this year's back-tack sign up starts TODAY (well September 30th @ 9am AEST)! Only space for 250 people, so if it sounds cool to you, click and go!
Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping...
I feel like I have learned (am learning) to plan and set expectations of myself which are more easily attainable and yet I still find myself loosing time and not completing what I thought I would. Funny how a perfectionist like me would see that happening.
Last week I had every intention of posting the story of the wedding desserts, along with photos of the beautiful day. Well, I didn't take any photos at the wedding even though I carried my camera with me everywhere. It was just a little too dark and I drank a little too much wine (one glass, I know I'm a light weight). My poor hubby had a migraine and spent the reception in the car, asleep (when he wasn't dry heaving). What a trooper is was! Sticking it out so I could stay at the wedding. Honestly I don't think he was looking forward to a drive home in that condition, so a little nap did him well enough to make it home a few hours later without "incident".
I did manage to take some photos of some of the desserts as I was making them (and some after), so I'll TRY to post them for a wordless Wednesday. TRY being the poignant word in that sentence.
The rest of my week was filled with ... well, fillings and work. I went to a new dentist. The first time I had ever been to a new dentist since I was 2 years old. Nothing really happened for me to switch, except it felt like time to make a change. A 32 year stint with the same provider is a pretty good run if you ask me, and I know you did! I guess I figured it would let myself know that I could change since I often find myself doing the same old thing just because it was easier.
New dentist pointed out two lovely cavities (How kind!), so I got to see the nice new teeth people again for some fillings. I had some sort of weird reaction to the amount/placement of the lidocaine and half my face went numb. My eye wouldn't stop watering and once I got home to return to work, I found I couldn't focus that eye which made me nauseous when I focused on the computer. So we'll just say I didn't get any work done that day and I spent the rest of the day on pain killers and asleep.
The next day I was still a little droopy, the shot sites and teeth still hurt, and I was slurring my words a touch, but it wore off over the next day. We, the new dentist and I, were planning on replacing all my amalgam fillings over the next year or so... well maybe we'll just hold off on that now. Fillings as an adult are not fun! I am clearly more a baby now then I was as a kid who got fillings at least once a year. Perhaps in my 20 year cavity hiatus I lost my nerve, or grew a few new ones.
The rest of the week didn't find me doing anything else but working, so the weekend was a welcomed event! (Ok, I fit in some new season shows but it kept me up past my bedtime still!)
I was feeling like I needed some good connecting time with Eric so I dreamed up this great time of hiking and picnicking and wine and cheese and lots of talking and holding hands. I think we napped more then talked, and I finished reading a book while he napped more then I did. I also tried out a possible new Holiday gift treat recipe which proved more time consuming than I had hoped, but I'm glad I'm finding that out now as opposed to the day before gift packages need to hit the post. I diagnosed my mom's DSL network issues, always a fun time doing her tech support. Let's see, what else? Oh yea! Eric and I FINALLY selected our wedding photos! Only 15 months after the blessed day. I'm sure our photographer will be thrilled since he doesn't get the final payment from us until he delivers the selected digital files. Opps!
Not nearly as romantic of a weekend as I had hoped, but we'll try again next weekend when it's not so warm outside so I don't get the "it's already too hot", excuse. Besides, we're supposed to be going into the city (that's San Francisco 'round these parts) for a free concert/festival so that should be fun and will get us out of the house at least one time. And over there, he can't say its too hot. It rarely is.
Last week I had every intention of posting the story of the wedding desserts, along with photos of the beautiful day. Well, I didn't take any photos at the wedding even though I carried my camera with me everywhere. It was just a little too dark and I drank a little too much wine (one glass, I know I'm a light weight). My poor hubby had a migraine and spent the reception in the car, asleep (when he wasn't dry heaving). What a trooper is was! Sticking it out so I could stay at the wedding. Honestly I don't think he was looking forward to a drive home in that condition, so a little nap did him well enough to make it home a few hours later without "incident".
I did manage to take some photos of some of the desserts as I was making them (and some after), so I'll TRY to post them for a wordless Wednesday. TRY being the poignant word in that sentence.
The rest of my week was filled with ... well, fillings and work. I went to a new dentist. The first time I had ever been to a new dentist since I was 2 years old. Nothing really happened for me to switch, except it felt like time to make a change. A 32 year stint with the same provider is a pretty good run if you ask me, and I know you did! I guess I figured it would let myself know that I could change since I often find myself doing the same old thing just because it was easier.
New dentist pointed out two lovely cavities (How kind!), so I got to see the nice new teeth people again for some fillings. I had some sort of weird reaction to the amount/placement of the lidocaine and half my face went numb. My eye wouldn't stop watering and once I got home to return to work, I found I couldn't focus that eye which made me nauseous when I focused on the computer. So we'll just say I didn't get any work done that day and I spent the rest of the day on pain killers and asleep.
The next day I was still a little droopy, the shot sites and teeth still hurt, and I was slurring my words a touch, but it wore off over the next day. We, the new dentist and I, were planning on replacing all my amalgam fillings over the next year or so... well maybe we'll just hold off on that now. Fillings as an adult are not fun! I am clearly more a baby now then I was as a kid who got fillings at least once a year. Perhaps in my 20 year cavity hiatus I lost my nerve, or grew a few new ones.
The rest of the week didn't find me doing anything else but working, so the weekend was a welcomed event! (Ok, I fit in some new season shows but it kept me up past my bedtime still!)
I was feeling like I needed some good connecting time with Eric so I dreamed up this great time of hiking and picnicking and wine and cheese and lots of talking and holding hands. I think we napped more then talked, and I finished reading a book while he napped more then I did. I also tried out a possible new Holiday gift treat recipe which proved more time consuming than I had hoped, but I'm glad I'm finding that out now as opposed to the day before gift packages need to hit the post. I diagnosed my mom's DSL network issues, always a fun time doing her tech support. Let's see, what else? Oh yea! Eric and I FINALLY selected our wedding photos! Only 15 months after the blessed day. I'm sure our photographer will be thrilled since he doesn't get the final payment from us until he delivers the selected digital files. Opps!
Not nearly as romantic of a weekend as I had hoped, but we'll try again next weekend when it's not so warm outside so I don't get the "it's already too hot", excuse. Besides, we're supposed to be going into the city (that's San Francisco 'round these parts) for a free concert/festival so that should be fun and will get us out of the house at least one time. And over there, he can't say its too hot. It rarely is.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Wedding Baking Project #1
As mentioned earlier, I am making the desserts for the wedding of a very good friend of mine. The reception is all cocktails and appetizers, so to go along with the cocktail party theme and a throw back to days past (and because they don't really care for cake), they would like a variety of small sweet treats for their guests. The groom has an allergy to milk and wants to use seasonal fruits in the desserts, so there was a bit of a challenge to come up with the dessert menu.I'm all about abundance and making sure my friends know I love them through food they enjoy, so trying to learn from lessons past, I am keeping the complicated desserts to a minimum and plumping up the menu with some easier items to produce in larger quantities. I have been learning that I far too easily bite off more then I can chew without stress (you should see me at a buffet!) so I have been practicing restraint with this project... ok eventually I started practicing restraint. Initially I was crazy!
I had originally decided loftily that I was going to make everything without milk so that there would be no worries about the groom eating something that had touched or gotten crumbs on it from a dairy filled item. I was going to spend lots of time in the kitchen testing and experimenting to make totally awesome desserts that no one would suspect contained no dairy. Only one item would have dairy for the bride, lemon tartlets.
Well time past. Weekends slipped by and well.... this weekend was day one of trying to turn an otherwise awesome recipe which uses butter, into an awesome recipe using butter substitutes. Did I mentioned that the wedding is this upcoming Saturday? Umm yea.
So I oddly decided on making brownies non-dairy even though I know the groom doesn't care for chocolate, my non-dairy side of the menu had plenty of choices and we had already decided that a few well identified dairy filled items would be ok as long as the caterer knew to keep them separate on the display. Still, I was determined.
Many batches of brownies were made, and tasted and analyzed. I had friends and co-workers all vote and give me feedback. I messed up my little test though by having one batch of butter containing brownies to compare to. Well duh.. most people loved the butter brownies over the alternates for flavor, and some for texture. Some people liked the the alternates though and when asked to pick between the non-dairy versions there was a clear favorite (even though some people SWORE the loosing batch was awesome!). So I learned that personal preference, experience and expectations all play a very big role in what someone expects in a brownie. I spent a lot of time with these brownies and I found that the butter version was actually overly buttery and the "fake" butter version had a better color and chocolaty taste but were a bit greasier.
The bride has said I could go with the butter version if I would like, but I've already purchased the "fake" butter of the winning batch. I wasn't going to bake the brownies for the wedding until Friday anyway so I have some time to think it over.
Tomorrow...making the shopping list!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Jammin'
A few months ago I had my first jam making/canning experience and now I'm hooked. That first night, I made a batch of apricot jam and apricot curd and 3 different batches of Plum jam; 1 pureed with skins, 1 batch with no skins and 1 with chopped up plums with skins (you can see the three different hues in the photo above). I was easily up until 2am that night as I'm generally far too optimistic on how long new things in the kitchen will take me. But I went to bed that night with a clean kitchen and 20 colorful jars of gently cooling and sealing yummy goodness.
My second jam/canning experience came a week or so later when the peaches ripened up and I made peach jam and peach curd. I know what you're thinking, tree ripened peaches are so good straight up! Why would I cook them down to goo? But these peaches were special. So special that they didn't really have awesome flavor even though they were juicy and ripe. They just needed a little coaxing with some lemon juice and a touch of sugar to bring out their peachy goodness (oh and a ton of butter in the curd).
Then my third experience consisted of fixing the jam from the first jam making experience which didn't set up much, if at all. Yes, I had to fix 4 batches of jam, as thankfully by the 5th batch ,which was the peach one, I figured out that yes I do need to test how the jam sets up before canning and processing it. I went from 20 cups of basically plum juice and loose jam to about 12 cups of thick and still not too sweet spreadable jam, after I cooked them down with apple peels and cores. I didn't want to add liquid or powdered pectin, which would have been far too easy, and wanted to go with the good ol'fashioned whole food approach. One batch got renamed Plum Apple Jam, as I cooked it down with whole apples which cooked down to the point where there was no chance in pulling the pieces out. Still very plummy but with a thicker consistency.The fourth and most recent endeavor, I was the student of my friend's mom, where she taught us how to make a simple and yummy apple sauce and her famous dilly beans. It was a great experience to learn from someone who has been preserving her own food for many years. Much more insightful then reading recipes in books and on the internets. I can't wait until I have a yard and have my own string bean plants so I can do the dilly beans again. A touch of work to make, but oh so good to eat!
All of the fruit for this canning fun came from my friend's orchard in their backyard. The main goal here is to use the preserves in their wedding desserts which I'll be making in... umm... a week. No cake, all individual bite sized sweet morsels to sweeten the couples new life together. Imagine a beautiful table piled high with flowers and a variety of sweet bites with no silverware in sight. Gorgeous I know! Then throw in the fact that the groom is allergic to milk... yup, I'm crazy but it's the kind of things I do for friends. (Don't worry, some butter will work its way into the desserts because after all the bride is NOT allergic and loves her some butter -- they will just stay well marked and far away from the groomy desserts).
Hopefully I'll remember to take pictures of the dessert making, at least on the first day before I have totally lost my mind...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Vacations Begin and End
For the last week and a half, Eric and I have been on vacation up in Victoria BC. My brother and Sister-in-Law moved there a few years ago as she's in the symphony and they love it and won't likely be moving back anytime soon (if at all). So this means we get to go up to visit them in a really great town surrounded by a whole lot of beautiful things to see.
The vacation consisted of the following activities:
- Cooking
- Baking
- Eating
- Hiking
- Soaking in their new Hot Tub
- Lots of blackberry picking and eating
- Playing xBox and Wii games (thanks for letting us borrow your Wii Ryan!)
- Eating
- Shopping
- Cooking
- Eating
- Reading
- and lots and lots of sleeping in!
The first thing we did when we got up there was make a list the activities, recipes and restaurants we wanted to make sure we hit, and I think we cleared most of the list. We didn't get out to do the bigger activities like renting bikes for a biking day or kayaking, but we'll fit them in next time. But we did manage to gain a few pounds I'm sure, as when my brother and I get together we become rather indulgent in the food eating and cooking department. We were eating chocolates and chips and making rich dips and appetizers. I was buying cheese and pepperonis and buying all of the Canada only flavors of potato chips and downing the bags far too quickly.
I finally found some time to catch up on reading some blogs and bought a few books at the used book store. I'm finally starting to feel a little bit more like me again... just in time to get lost in the craziness of returning to work and life. I even noticed this morning that those deep ravens of worry lines between my eyebrows had lifted significantly. Hopefully they don't find their way back after I face day 1 back at the office.
The vacation consisted of the following activities:
- Cooking
- Baking
- Eating
- Hiking
- Soaking in their new Hot Tub
- Lots of blackberry picking and eating
- Playing xBox and Wii games (thanks for letting us borrow your Wii Ryan!)
- Eating
- Shopping
- Cooking
- Eating
- Reading
- and lots and lots of sleeping in!
The first thing we did when we got up there was make a list the activities, recipes and restaurants we wanted to make sure we hit, and I think we cleared most of the list. We didn't get out to do the bigger activities like renting bikes for a biking day or kayaking, but we'll fit them in next time. But we did manage to gain a few pounds I'm sure, as when my brother and I get together we become rather indulgent in the food eating and cooking department. We were eating chocolates and chips and making rich dips and appetizers. I was buying cheese and pepperonis and buying all of the Canada only flavors of potato chips and downing the bags far too quickly.
I finally found some time to catch up on reading some blogs and bought a few books at the used book store. I'm finally starting to feel a little bit more like me again... just in time to get lost in the craziness of returning to work and life. I even noticed this morning that those deep ravens of worry lines between my eyebrows had lifted significantly. Hopefully they don't find their way back after I face day 1 back at the office.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
So many post ideas, so little time
I've been wanting to post for weeks (no months) and sitting down to write out my thoughts has taken more effort then I have been willing to give it. I just don't do things half ass, so silence and an un-updated blog has been the result. I was even on vacation the last week and thought I'd find the time then to write some things down...but no, not even on the plane. So this week I WILL write. I WILL!
If you're lucky, I'll even post a picture or two.
If you're lucky, I'll even post a picture or two.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Sent from my ...
A few weeks ago I woke up really early on a Friday morning and went to
stand in line with MANY other people. We talked, chatted and shared
stories about ourselves. We talked a lot about the reason we were all
standing out in the cold and then the heat as the sun rose. Some
people were out the all night. Me I was in line for 5.5 hours. What
was the reason we'd stand in line so early in the morning for so long?
stand in line with MANY other people. We talked, chatted and shared
stories about ourselves. We talked a lot about the reason we were all
standing out in the cold and then the heat as the sun rose. Some
people were out the all night. Me I was in line for 5.5 hours. What
was the reason we'd stand in line so early in the morning for so long?
To buy into the marketing hype and to geek out clearly!
As my co-worker told me, so much for me keeping up the facade that
differentiated me from my fellow Engineering geeky co-workers.
Sent from my iPhone
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
LA Vacation - for the love of friends
Eric and I just returned from a little road trip we took down to Southern California to visit a number of friends. As I have grown up in California, road trips to LA have been frequent but Eric grew up in Appalachian Pennsylvania so he doesn't think too fondly of all of the concrete, the pretentious pretty people and the misplaced tropical flora in the dessert that is LA. I have taken Eric to LA before, but that was to help a friend of ours do some apartment hunting, and well... Eric didn't get a good taste of what LA has to offer. A little too much pavement hitting and Beverly Hills apartment looking for him I think.
This trip was the idea of his childhood best friend. Him and his wife were going to be vacationing in Las Vegas and LA and wanted us to join them. Since Eric has even lower opinions of Las Vegas, he agreed to a long weekend in LA. The main reason for the trip was to see his friends, so really he didn't care where or what we were doing as long as there was some good hang out time. As a bonus, the third of their "Three Amigos" surprised us by flying out from Florida.
These three boys (yes, they are still boys), got in to tons of trouble as kids and have remained "bros" over the last 30 years. This weekend was really special to see the 3 reminisce and share stories, some of which I hadn't heard (and many I had). How special that has to be to still remain close with friends you literally grew up with, even though all three live in different states now.
The weekend's festivities included:
Since some of my best friends moved down south a few years ago, Sunday we spent a lovely afternoon visiting with them and seeing another area of LA county. I miss my friends and am shocked each time I see how much their kids have grown. It was truly too short of a time to visit with them, so a follow-up trip will be planned soon. (Especially since Eric seems to be warming up to the idea that LA has more to offer then concrete).
Today we were on our own, as all of the PA buddies had gone home or were visiting other friends, so Eric and I spent the morning walking around Beverly Hills (where we were staying). It was HOT but really quiet and we enjoyed slowing down to take in the area. We found coffee (ICED of course), fresh squeezed juice and croissants, and genuinely enjoyed each others company. As we were lazily walking back to the hotel to check-out, I received a text from my blogging buddy, Starshine, that her and her hubby were on their way to meet us for lunch. YAY! A table of empty plates and 2 hours of visiting and getting to know each other better signaled the end of our little mini-getaway.
6 hours on the road later, we are back at home to some very loud kitties, piles of dirty laundry, and loads of work emails waiting to be read. And wait they will.... work doesn't start till tomorrow.
BTW - No pictures of the trip were taken so I have none to share. SOMEONE (me) forgot the camera and couldn't justify buying one down there, although it was seriously considered!
This trip was the idea of his childhood best friend. Him and his wife were going to be vacationing in Las Vegas and LA and wanted us to join them. Since Eric has even lower opinions of Las Vegas, he agreed to a long weekend in LA. The main reason for the trip was to see his friends, so really he didn't care where or what we were doing as long as there was some good hang out time. As a bonus, the third of their "Three Amigos" surprised us by flying out from Florida.
These three boys (yes, they are still boys), got in to tons of trouble as kids and have remained "bros" over the last 30 years. This weekend was really special to see the 3 reminisce and share stories, some of which I hadn't heard (and many I had). How special that has to be to still remain close with friends you literally grew up with, even though all three live in different states now.
The weekend's festivities included:
- getting lost in the Hollywood Hills while viewing the fancy houses and then finding ourselves NOT in the Hollywood Hills anymore
- a day on Venice Beach... all getting burned to varying degrees (REAPPLY SUNSCREEN!)
- BBQ and fireworks viewing, up over the hill at the house previously owned by Gallagher
- Spur of the moment decision to see Wicked (LOVED IT!)
- Rodeo Drive, Hollywood Blvd, and other general LA touristy stuff
- Loads of very rich and luxurious foods and one night of acid reflux (it was the CHEESE!)
- Most important of all, we got in a lot of TIME.
Since some of my best friends moved down south a few years ago, Sunday we spent a lovely afternoon visiting with them and seeing another area of LA county. I miss my friends and am shocked each time I see how much their kids have grown. It was truly too short of a time to visit with them, so a follow-up trip will be planned soon. (Especially since Eric seems to be warming up to the idea that LA has more to offer then concrete).
Today we were on our own, as all of the PA buddies had gone home or were visiting other friends, so Eric and I spent the morning walking around Beverly Hills (where we were staying). It was HOT but really quiet and we enjoyed slowing down to take in the area. We found coffee (ICED of course), fresh squeezed juice and croissants, and genuinely enjoyed each others company. As we were lazily walking back to the hotel to check-out, I received a text from my blogging buddy, Starshine, that her and her hubby were on their way to meet us for lunch. YAY! A table of empty plates and 2 hours of visiting and getting to know each other better signaled the end of our little mini-getaway.
6 hours on the road later, we are back at home to some very loud kitties, piles of dirty laundry, and loads of work emails waiting to be read. And wait they will.... work doesn't start till tomorrow.
BTW - No pictures of the trip were taken so I have none to share. SOMEONE (me) forgot the camera and couldn't justify buying one down there, although it was seriously considered!
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Finding the Brain Power for the Blog
A few weeks ago my therapist said, you ready to start blogging yet? And I said, maybe. But really I meant no. Sure I posted a bit but I just haven't been driven to write, share or basically sit still for any amount of time to concentrate. I haven't been able to read anything without getting uneasy, coudn't listen to music as it would irritate me. She suggested I start working in some meditating but conveniently I have been too tired, or busy or you know how the story goes.
Well lately I have been missing the community I found via blogging. I miss the friends I've met out here and following the stories they choose to share. Hell, I miss the friends I had before blogging. I just haven't been HERE much, let alone there or over yonder or anywhere really.
So today I cleared out my RSS feedreader of the hundreds of posts posted over the last few whatevers (weeks, months, I dunno), so the number didn't look so daunting. I unsubscribed to some blogs I really don't have that much interest in reading anymore (sorry Dooce, but something tells me you'll do fine without me). Then I took a bit of time to catch up on those I have been really missing and commented on just a half a handful. I realize this makes me a lurker, and I will only get out of the community what I put in, but I'm taking baby steps here and trying to find a way to maintain the community without so much of the time. We'll see how it goes.
I'm going back to bed now, because this whole waking up at 12am, 2am, then give up at 3am to open up the laptop to write down that thing that is nagging me, just to forget what it was until now at 4:40am, will not make for a good day.
Well lately I have been missing the community I found via blogging. I miss the friends I've met out here and following the stories they choose to share. Hell, I miss the friends I had before blogging. I just haven't been HERE much, let alone there or over yonder or anywhere really.
So today I cleared out my RSS feedreader of the hundreds of posts posted over the last few whatevers (weeks, months, I dunno), so the number didn't look so daunting. I unsubscribed to some blogs I really don't have that much interest in reading anymore (sorry Dooce, but something tells me you'll do fine without me). Then I took a bit of time to catch up on those I have been really missing and commented on just a half a handful. I realize this makes me a lurker, and I will only get out of the community what I put in, but I'm taking baby steps here and trying to find a way to maintain the community without so much of the time. We'll see how it goes.
I'm going back to bed now, because this whole waking up at 12am, 2am, then give up at 3am to open up the laptop to write down that thing that is nagging me, just to forget what it was until now at 4:40am, will not make for a good day.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Priorities Out of Whack
I am working pretty hard at learning how to find balance in my life, but this morning I found a very big and glaring mistake on my part which shows just how off my priorities are.
Monday is our one year anniversary. Pretty big deal right? So today as I checked out my work calendar to see if there is anyway to take the day off I see that I have managed to schedule an early morning meeting, a few other pretty important meetings sprinkled through the day, and the clincher is a training I have to give until 9:30pm which'll put me getting home at about 11pm.
I haven't told my husband yet, but the guilt is hitting me pretty hard.
Bad wifey! BAD!
I knew that date looked really familiar.
Update: I finally got a hold of Eric and he was very cool and wonderful about it. Told me not to worry or feel guilty. That it's not about how we spend that day, but about how we treat each other and spend most of the other days. Which I know he is right. He is wise and has a very loving heart.
Monday is our one year anniversary. Pretty big deal right? So today as I checked out my work calendar to see if there is anyway to take the day off I see that I have managed to schedule an early morning meeting, a few other pretty important meetings sprinkled through the day, and the clincher is a training I have to give until 9:30pm which'll put me getting home at about 11pm.
I haven't told my husband yet, but the guilt is hitting me pretty hard.
Bad wifey! BAD!
I knew that date looked really familiar.
Update: I finally got a hold of Eric and he was very cool and wonderful about it. Told me not to worry or feel guilty. That it's not about how we spend that day, but about how we treat each other and spend most of the other days. Which I know he is right. He is wise and has a very loving heart.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Worrier
Last week I was worried for one friend who's family was displaced due to a wildfire threatening her childhood home. The next day I learned sad news from another friend about loosing her father and worrying about how she is doing. Today I learned sad news from yet another friend about loosing her mother, and I worry about how to be a friend for her during this time of grief and healing. For the last week I have been worried about my own mother's 2 week travel plans which begins tomorrow (see, worrying before I have anything to worry about), and today I learn she is planning another trip this summer, Oy! You fold in the ridiculous amounts of worry I give to work and no wonder I also worry about the frown lines which grow deeper between my eyebrows each night. (I actually get up in the middle of the night to put more de-wrinkling cream on them if I have had a worried filled sleep).
Today I worried about backing up our dying computer, but not wanting to spent too much money but worried about buying the wrong solution. I worried about the fact we haven't paid off our wedding debt even though our anniversary is next week or figured out our joint finances let alone filed our last year's taxes. I worried about feeding our cats a high carb dry food diet which might give them diabetes and researched a better alternative. Which then lead to down a long road of worrying about their teeth, their colons, their kidneys and their general happiness to be indoor kitties.
I have known for a long time that I am a worrier, but I have been finding that my worries seem to be much of what I think about. If I were to be more mindful of my worries, I think I'd worry I was worrying too much, which I guess I worry about. So for now, I accept my worries as part of my heart and part of my chaos. I honestly don't know who I'd be if I didn't worry.
Today I worried about backing up our dying computer, but not wanting to spent too much money but worried about buying the wrong solution. I worried about the fact we haven't paid off our wedding debt even though our anniversary is next week or figured out our joint finances let alone filed our last year's taxes. I worried about feeding our cats a high carb dry food diet which might give them diabetes and researched a better alternative. Which then lead to down a long road of worrying about their teeth, their colons, their kidneys and their general happiness to be indoor kitties.
I have known for a long time that I am a worrier, but I have been finding that my worries seem to be much of what I think about. If I were to be more mindful of my worries, I think I'd worry I was worrying too much, which I guess I worry about. So for now, I accept my worries as part of my heart and part of my chaos. I honestly don't know who I'd be if I didn't worry.
Friday, June 13, 2008
I Guess Gas Prices Have Gotten To That Point
This morning as I was running out of the house to get on the road to make my first meeting of the day, I walked between my car and my husbands work truck in the car port and found what I thought to be an odd site. Wet asphalt, a gas can cap, and the gas tank open on the work truck. Someone had siphoned my husbands gas!
Really? Has it come to this?
My husband was inside on a work call so I didn't want to alarm him while he was trying to sound all talented and all knowing of fruit and landscape design, so I wrote him a little post-it note. I pointed to the note a few times but he was obvious busy so I got ready to leave again. I didn't want to leave in case they drained him of all of his gas and he would need a ride to get a gallon or two. But alas, thanks to his double tank truck, they only drained him down to half, and he doesn't think they got much, especially since they probably spilled a half gallon by the looks of the mess.
But still RUDE!
Oh, and then I called our HOA manager to ask her a question, but then also let her know of the gas stealing. She said, "ok". OK! Really, you have nothing more to say then OK? I don't expect much more I guess, but no 'Thank you for letting me know' or 'I'll give the security company a heads up', or anything. Have I mentioned how much I love living where I live? Have I? Please someone let me know when the market is going to turn so I can can be packed and ready to leave. Hell, screw the packing, I'm outta here.
Really? Has it come to this?
My husband was inside on a work call so I didn't want to alarm him while he was trying to sound all talented and all knowing of fruit and landscape design, so I wrote him a little post-it note. I pointed to the note a few times but he was obvious busy so I got ready to leave again. I didn't want to leave in case they drained him of all of his gas and he would need a ride to get a gallon or two. But alas, thanks to his double tank truck, they only drained him down to half, and he doesn't think they got much, especially since they probably spilled a half gallon by the looks of the mess.
But still RUDE!
Oh, and then I called our HOA manager to ask her a question, but then also let her know of the gas stealing. She said, "ok". OK! Really, you have nothing more to say then OK? I don't expect much more I guess, but no 'Thank you for letting me know' or 'I'll give the security company a heads up', or anything. Have I mentioned how much I love living where I live? Have I? Please someone let me know when the market is going to turn so I can can be packed and ready to leave. Hell, screw the packing, I'm outta here.
Friday, June 06, 2008
Lists
Sometimes when the chaos gets too much and I find I start loosing myself, I need to stop and take a moment to figure out where I am and where I'm going and what I need to do to get there. I usually find comfort in writing lists of goals and tasks to help me feel like I'm living a more managed chaos. Sometimes in my life I consistently turn to those lists, sometimes to the point of OCDing all over those lists. Sometimes I have a healthy balance of goals in my life where those lists are more like reminders, casual to do lists. And then there are times, like the last 5 months, where I'm so lost that even the thought of a list and thinking how to get my life back makes me crumble.
Everyday is filled with goals, big and small, and when I'm feeling lost, any task to reach a personal goal becomes overwhelming, tiring, burdensome, and far too hard to even begin. Note I said personal goal. By that I mean anything that is strictly for me or at least mostly for me. So that means laundry still gets done, taking time to connect with friends is still revered, social events are still attended even if getting dressed for that event may include a break down. And my big problem during these times is the sick sick relationship between me and the importance of my job in my life (I could go into that bit of introspection but I'll save that for another day). This is what my depression looks like.
A few months ago I stopped talking, and I don't know really know for how long and to what degree. I didn't stop talking all together, but I was no longer talking about me. Since I need to talk or write to process what is happening in my life, I filled up. I stopped caring about me. I was no longer taking time to be a friend, a daughter or a wife. I stopped cooking, stopped cleaning, I just stopped. The only thing I continued was my work. If I was not working, I was sleeping. And one day I yelled, and cried, and then.... I talked.
This is when I made my first list in a long time.
You might think this list would be long, and exhilarating as I realized where I had gone and was waking up to all of the possibilities. But it was not long at all. It had 3 things on it to do everyday:
Take a shower
Get dressed
Do my Hair and put on make-up
A few weeks later I added to the list:
Walk outside for 10 minutes everyday
At the end of the work day, list the tasks of the next day
Don't work again that day once that list is completed
And yesterday I added:
Office hours - out by 6pm
Take public transportation
Write during commute - Blog, journal, email, lists,etc.
Evening walk with Eric
We'll see how this process goes of finding me and regaining some sense of balance. I may or may not write about it here, and then again I might write it ALL here. I'm giving myself permission to slip, to fail and to just be.
Everyday is filled with goals, big and small, and when I'm feeling lost, any task to reach a personal goal becomes overwhelming, tiring, burdensome, and far too hard to even begin. Note I said personal goal. By that I mean anything that is strictly for me or at least mostly for me. So that means laundry still gets done, taking time to connect with friends is still revered, social events are still attended even if getting dressed for that event may include a break down. And my big problem during these times is the sick sick relationship between me and the importance of my job in my life (I could go into that bit of introspection but I'll save that for another day). This is what my depression looks like.
A few months ago I stopped talking, and I don't know really know for how long and to what degree. I didn't stop talking all together, but I was no longer talking about me. Since I need to talk or write to process what is happening in my life, I filled up. I stopped caring about me. I was no longer taking time to be a friend, a daughter or a wife. I stopped cooking, stopped cleaning, I just stopped. The only thing I continued was my work. If I was not working, I was sleeping. And one day I yelled, and cried, and then.... I talked.
This is when I made my first list in a long time.
You might think this list would be long, and exhilarating as I realized where I had gone and was waking up to all of the possibilities. But it was not long at all. It had 3 things on it to do everyday:
Take a shower
Get dressed
Do my Hair and put on make-up
A few weeks later I added to the list:
Walk outside for 10 minutes everyday
At the end of the work day, list the tasks of the next day
Don't work again that day once that list is completed
And yesterday I added:
Office hours - out by 6pm
Take public transportation
Write during commute - Blog, journal, email, lists,etc.
Evening walk with Eric
We'll see how this process goes of finding me and regaining some sense of balance. I may or may not write about it here, and then again I might write it ALL here. I'm giving myself permission to slip, to fail and to just be.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Appetite Booster
Tonight we went out to dinner and decided to check out a steakhouse we had never been too. It's a chain, and I had heard it was ok so we gave it a shot. I have been talking about wanting a steak for a few months, so we finally bit the bullet.
***Long run on sentence tangent warning***
Now I would normally grill my own steaks, but our patio is having a bit of an issue right now, so I won't be using the grill until we spend some quality time together with gloves and brooms, trash cans, and any organizing know how tossed out the window because Eric just will NOT be neat and tidy with his tools, but his current method is not working, and the BLACK WIDOW we helped not build her nest next to MY GRILL will be all the reminder he needs that it is REALLY not working.
Ok, back to my steak eating outing story...
So we found ourselves in a bit of a cheesily decorated chainy type restaurant. As we walked in I glanced at the platter the guy behind us was chowing down on. He got the Prime Rib, and although it wasn't cooked to the doneness I prefer (way not enough pink), the whole meal looked pretty good. Eric and I had already decided we wanted to try their Ribeye before we got the menu, so the meal was underway quickly.
The steak was ok, drier then most ribeyes I've had, but the seasoning was great. The rest of the meal was tasty, but when I was about 3/4 full, I glanced up at the TV which was pointing towards the bar, but I could VERY easily see. On the screen was possibly the most appetizing movie a steakhouse could possibly be absentmindedly be showing.... SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.
I stopped eating, and couldn't understand how Eric continued. But continued he did... until his plate was clean. Of course I realize that I was full on eating and enjoying the flesh of a cow, but having Hannibal Lecter's beady eyes looking down at me made me a bit uneasy.
Blech.
***Long run on sentence tangent warning***
Now I would normally grill my own steaks, but our patio is having a bit of an issue right now, so I won't be using the grill until we spend some quality time together with gloves and brooms, trash cans, and any organizing know how tossed out the window because Eric just will NOT be neat and tidy with his tools, but his current method is not working, and the BLACK WIDOW we helped not build her nest next to MY GRILL will be all the reminder he needs that it is REALLY not working.
Ok, back to my steak eating outing story...
So we found ourselves in a bit of a cheesily decorated chainy type restaurant. As we walked in I glanced at the platter the guy behind us was chowing down on. He got the Prime Rib, and although it wasn't cooked to the doneness I prefer (way not enough pink), the whole meal looked pretty good. Eric and I had already decided we wanted to try their Ribeye before we got the menu, so the meal was underway quickly.
The steak was ok, drier then most ribeyes I've had, but the seasoning was great. The rest of the meal was tasty, but when I was about 3/4 full, I glanced up at the TV which was pointing towards the bar, but I could VERY easily see. On the screen was possibly the most appetizing movie a steakhouse could possibly be absentmindedly be showing.... SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.
I stopped eating, and couldn't understand how Eric continued. But continued he did... until his plate was clean. Of course I realize that I was full on eating and enjoying the flesh of a cow, but having Hannibal Lecter's beady eyes looking down at me made me a bit uneasy.
Blech.
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